[Dawn]
Sophie looks around the apartment and then does a double take on me. “Well, you’re definitely staying with us now-”
“No,” I say, putting up my hands.
“Yes!” Sophie tries pulling me off the bed to a standing position. “All this stress is horrible for a baby. “You’ll cause all these issues and you’ll-”
“Need I remind you what you went through while pregnant?”
“Please don’t,” Sophie says, pursing her lips. “You know that what I went through was horrible for my pregnancy. Which is why I don’t wish it upon anyone else.” She tries pulling me along again.
“You can’t convince me otherwise, Soph.” I pull back, leaning back onto the bed.
“Well, then I’ll have to-” Sophie is spluttering along, trying to understand my insanity. “You can’t! You just can’t do this.”
“I have to Sophie,” I grab her hand now. “You of all people understand duty and honor and all that.” She grunts at me and frowns. “Low of you to use my father’s words against me.” She squints in fury at me.
I snort and pet her hand. “But you know I’m right. I’m not doing this to be a hero or be brave. I’m doing this for mom. She protected me when we were little.”
“And you could protect her better now,” Sophie says, folding her arms. She makes a face like she’s cross with me. Even turns away slightly. Then after a few beats, she turns back, grinning. “I can’t believe you’re pregnant though!”
We both giggle, and I feel relief wash through me. She finally understands.
“But how come you didn’t call me? I thought we were pregnancy-scare friends?”
I laugh. “Oh, believe me I was thinking of you the whole time.” I stand up and continue packing my things.
“I even went to the same pharmacy, bought the same brand, and everything. “Sophie grins. “Longest two minutes of my life.”
“And freakiest.” Sophie is shaking her head. “I remember thinking so many things, and nothing, at the exact same time.”
“I was frustrated that I hadn’t had enough breakfast, I think,” I say. We both laugh, and Sophie starts helping me pack again. “Ultimately though, as soon as it was confirmed. I just rushed right to Aldo. There was nothing else I wanted to do.”
We fall silent for a few moments. The heat coming off the windows is making the room unbearable so I open them to let a slight breeze through.
We sit there on the bed with the warm winds drifting in over the ocean bathing us in a smell of salty grime.
“You gonna tell your mother?” Sophie asks.
I hesitate, but ultimately shake my head. “I was going to wait until after the funeral. I don’t want to give her confusing emotions at this time.”
“Maybe it’ll help her cope? A new life as an older one departs, that kind of thing.”
I nodded my head from side to side, a shrug erupts up my body, but it’s still the same. “I think even I feel odd about it still. Like, Aldo and I have just gone from being friends, to being secret lovers, to lovers and now parents to be.”
It all tumbles out of me in one breathe. “I think it’ll make it a bit more real, if I tell my mother, Ya know?”
Sophie nods. “That I do know. Keeping it secret was so hard, and now that I look back, it would’ve stopped so many problems. It would’ve saved so many lives, maybe. But you have to do what you think is best.”
I lean forward. “Which is exactly why I’m going to live with my mother. I can only imagine how sad she is with Andre dead.
I know Andre wasn’t perfect, and mom knows that Andre wasn’t perfect, but to her, he’ll always be her perfect little guy. Her big boy who helped carry the luggage up the stairs when we were running away.”
Sophie takes my hand. “I hope she doesn’t find out the truth then and shatter that vision.”
“Me neither,” I say.
As Sophie closes and zips my bag, I continue to stare at the floor. I can’t stop thinking about Andre now. I’d worked so hard to keep the vision of who he was alive for my mother, that sometimes I’d forgotten who he’d been and was too.
I’d been so angry at him for so long for abandoning us and running away. But maybe the pressure of years of having to be the man of the house, or her strong little guy, was taking its toll on him.
Maybe he just wanted a fresh start and somewhere where he could be himself. And not a family’s hero.
I just wish it hadn’t got him killed.
But what does this all mean for me now?