With the exception of my last secret, as far as I knew, there was nothing off-limits between us. We talked a lot. About everything, anything and even nothing. Which meant our respective sex lives had come up multiple times already. Plus, it wasn’t like I’d bought her the toy arbitrarily… Recently, while we were drinking at this speakeasy in our neighborhood that she loved going to, she’d mentioned how she’d ‘kill for some good head right now.’ No question, it was a weird present from a friend, but our whole friendship was weird.
“It’s a suction vibrator.” Despite my matter-of-fact tone, my cheeks burned once the words left my lips. “I have one, too. It feels good… Like after some practice, I swear it can even feel better than the real thing.”
She looked at me like I was insane. “No offense, but if that’s true… Then I’m 100% sure you and I have different standards when it comes to getting eaten out, Cass.”
Her eyes were full of doubt and I was gonna say something to support my outlandish claim, but we both lost it before I could. For a while, we were just two twenty-somethings laughing our asses off (at my expense)… Cracking up to the point that we were both breathless, we forgot that a whole world existed beyond our little home’s walls.
Once she regained her composure, she inspected her gift more closely. She opened the package and plucked out the purple silicone-covered object. She turned it on and motorized noises filled the air. “How much did this even cost? No way you stuck to the spending limit.”
Yet again, before my brain could tell my mouth to shut up, I answered the question truthfully. “To be fair, I had a coupon, so I got a big discount… Yeah, I went over the budget. Not by a lot though.”
“Who has coupons for sex toys? How many do you have?” Her questions stunned me. “Here I was thinking you were vanilla in the bedroom… It’s nice to be proven wrong sometimes.”
I squeaked out a laugh. “Compared to you? Vanilla, for sure.” I was deflecting, shifting the spotlight away from myself. “I can just imagine all the crazy things you’re probably into.”
“Yeah?” Smirking, she sat up. She switched off the toy. “What do you think I’m into? What do you imagine me doing?”
Per usual, she was kidding. The way she was looking at me made me press my lips together though. Her now ultra-familiar teasing had my heart pumping hot, hot blood faster this cold, cold morning. “I- uh- I don’t-”
“Just messing with you.” She wrapped me up in a tight hug. She kissed the side of my head. “Merry Christmas again.”
“Merry Christmas.” My face was pressed against her shirt. She smelled like fabric conditioner. “I love you and I’m so grateful for you.”
“I love you, too.” She eased our embrace. “‘Kay, if I’m gonna make it to twin-brunch on time, I should start getting ready… Thanks for my gift, I promise I’ll think of you if I ever end up using it.”
“You’re welcome.” This time, I chose not to engage with the teasing, so I just flipped her off. “Thanks also for my gift-I’ll think about you whenever I color ‘Neverland.'”
When she was gone, I picked up my present on the glass table beside our now-empty hot chocolate mugs. I tore off the shrink wrap, so I could see the actual uncolored pages. Although the art style was different from that of the version I grew up watching, it still caused a wave of nostalgia to wash over me. I ran my fingertips over the opening paragraphs of the story about the lost boy. The first story I’d learned by heart.
It was just such a perfect gift, like the reddest, brightest cherry on top of the best holiday season I’d experienced in more than a decade.
I darted my eyes around our living room, taking stock of my surroundings. Almost seven months after I’d first walked through the front door, everything looked more or less the same. Not enough time had passed for anything to fade or fray. Like a snapshot taken of our apartment during my roommate interview beside one taken today would’ve made a great spot-the-difference puzzle… The changes were so minuscule. Ones that were only revealed upon closer inspection.
For example, the framed photos of Gray and I that were hanging on the brick wall. The many pseudo-polaroids of us with her friends on the fridge door. The Libra and Pisces sculptures on the TV rack that I’d ordered online. I’d lived in a total of eleven places after I left my hometown. Not once did I consider decorating the residences that came before Apartment 202 though. But none of those dorm rooms, apartments or condo units had ever felt like home to me. I used to find such solace in my ‘modern, urban nomadic lifestyle,’ but for the first time, the reality that my surroundings were temporary brought me terror instead of hope.
Beyond any doubt, I was loving my first Christmas with Gray-I just hated knowing that it’d be our last one together, too.
. . .
“Ten, nine, eight, seven-”
It was New Year’s Eve and we were partying at the club on the highest floor of the fanciest hotel in our city. Sticking to her pattern of taking me in for the holidays, Gray had brought me along to the Power Rangers’ end-of-year celebration. I wasn’t sure which one of them (or their significant others) had gotten us on the very exclusive guest list. I’d heard through the grapevine that it was next-to-impossible to get into this club on a normal night… So, I couldn’t even imagine how well-connected someone had to be to get our group of twelve people a last-minute ‘premier booth’ on what had to be one of their busiest nights of the year.
“Six, five, four-”
Because of the company I was with, though it wasn’t midnight yet, I’d already drunk more than I should’ve. A mixture of shots, cocktails and champagne swirled in my tummy. Gray and I had spent most of the night moving between her friends’ fully stocked table and the dance floor. The entire evening, eye-catching fireworks had been bursting around the city. Visible in the distance through the floor-to-ceiling windows that lined the sides of the snazzy establishment.
Since we’d arrived, both guys and girls had been checking Gray out non-stop. Which was something I was used to. Regardless of where we were, my roommate usually turned heads and caught eyes because of how colorful her skin was. But tonight was different… Extra. In her gravity-defying short and backless midnight blue dress coupled with killer heels, it seemed like she had everyone doing a double-take. The mind-blowing, gorgeous tree-goddess tattoo that ran parallel her spine was typically one covered by clothes, but it was out on full display now.
Christ, Gray just looked so, so good… Like I’d always found her attractive, but all glammed up and dressed to impress? She was easily the most good-looking person in the vicinity. A bold statement to make since her group of friends were all knockouts, but it was still the cold hard truth. Seriously, while dancing with her, I felt so proud of myself. It was just such a privilege to not only be allowed to hold her but also press my body against hers as we moved to the blaring music and pounding bass.
Yes, I was intoxicated by alcohol, but I was also high on life.
While we were dancing earlier, strangers had approached us, offering to buy drinks or asking to cut in. But each and every time that’d happened, I shook my head and hugged Gray. With my arms possessively and protectively around her, I’d told whoever it was that she was all mine. An alcohol-fueled (untrue) claim that she didn’t seem to mind me making. Because every time I’d made the statement, she just shrugged then said playful things like: ‘you heard the boss-lady, bud, I’m all hers’ or ‘aw, no can do, dude, the missus doesn’t like to share.’
I’d danced with my girlfriends loads of times, but never had I ever been as territorial as I was being with Gray. Even with how close we were as friends, I knew my behavior was still out of the ordinary, still excessive. But each time I’d leaned in to ask if I was being too touchy or clingy, she told me to just keep enjoying the night. And as with everything she’d ever said to me, I took her reassurance at face value.
Now that it was almost time to welcome the New Year, everyone in our group was back at our table. We raised our glasses as we listened to the final part of the hyped up DJ’s countdown. The fireworks began blowing up rapidly, lighting up the night sky in an array of bright colors. The combination of laser lights and strobe lights around the club went wild as the last seconds of the past year ticked away.
“Three, two, one! Happy fucking new year, everybody!”
On cue, our group clinked glasses. We greeted one another then downed our drinks. I noticed that everyone around me kissed their respective partners. And before I could talk myself out of it, I turned to Gray, grabbed her face with both of my hands and kissed her on the lips. I figured a New Year’s kiss was the least I could give her since she’d brought me along as her plus-one and I was having a great time.
It was supposed to be a peck on the lips. A quick kiss, like all the ‘innocent ones’ I’d shared with friends before. But my lips started moving against hers and I kissed her for real. Her lips were the softest mine had ever touched. The fireworks outside were nothing compared to the ones exploding behind my eyelids. I was going off script, craving more and more with each passing second. But I figured it was fine since she was kissing me back.