“Earth to Sophia,” Emily’s voice cut through her reverie. “Where did you go there?”
Sophia blinked, focusing on her friend’s concerned face. “Just thinking about what you said, Em.”
Emily’s eyebrow arched. “You mean your ‘more is bad’ facade?”
“It’s not a facade,” Sophia protested weakly, taking another sip of her drink. The sweetness clashed with the bitterness rising in her chest. “More has never ended well for me before.”
“Maybe it’s time to give it another shot,” Emily suggested gently.
Sophia’s grip tightened on her glass. “And risk getting my heart stomped on again? No thanks.”
“So you’d rather keep Jake at arm’s length forever?” Emily challenged.
“Look,” Sophia snapped, her patience wearing thin. “Not everyone gets their happily ever after like you and Lucas, okay? Some of us learn to protect ourselves.”
The hurt that flashed across Emily’s face made Sophia immediately regret her words. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry, Em. I didn’t mean-”
“No, you’re right,” Emily interrupted, her voice soft. “I know I got lucky, especially after Ryan. But Soph, you deserve that too. Maybe Jake could be worth the risk.”
Sophia stared into her blue drink, watching the ice cubes slowly melt. “I don’t know if I’m brave enough to find out.”
Freya leaned forward, her auburn pixie cut catching the light. “That’s not something you need to decide now, Soph. We’re all only teasing you, you know that?”
Sophia managed a small smile and nodded, grateful for Freya’s pragmatic interjection. The tension in her shoulders eased slightly.
Emily reached across the table, squeezing Sophia’s hand. “There’s no harm in fooling around, just like there’s no harm in it if you do decide you want more.”
Sophia’s mind raced, images of Jake’s crooked smile and gentle hands flashing through her thoughts. She took a deep breath, the scent of fried food and alcohol filling her lungs. “I guess you’re right,” she admitted reluctantly. “It’s just… scary, you know?”
“Of course it is,” Freya chimed in, her voice carrying the calm assurance of someone used to dealing with emergencies. “Relationships are like treating a patient. Sometimes you have to take risks and go with your gut to see improvement.”
Sophia snorted, a genuine laugh escaping her. “Only you could make dating sound like a medical procedure, Frey.”
Emily grinned, raising her virgin mocktail. “To Sophia’s potential romantic surgery!”
Sophia chuckled, the tension finally breaking. She raised her own glass, clinking it against Emily’s. “I love you girls,” she said, her voice warm with affection. “We need to do this more often.”
The laughter and chatter of the restaurant swirled around them, a comforting background noise. Sophia felt a surge of gratitude for her friends, their unwavering support a balm to her anxieties.
Evelyn, who had been quietly observing the exchange, suddenly murmured under her breath, “And I need to find myself a Lucas or a Jake.”
Sophia’s eyebrows shot up, her hazel eyes widening in surprise. She leaned closer to Evelyn, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. “Oh? What’s this I hear? Our sweet, sensible Evelyn wanting a bad boy of her own?”
Evelyn’s cheeks flushed a deep pink, her fingers toying nervously with the stem of her wine glass. “Shut it,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Emily and Freya exchanged knowing glances, clearly intrigued by this unexpected development.
Sophia’s mind raced, thinking of all the eligible men she knew in Seabridge. Maybe playing matchmaker would be a welcome distraction from her own romantic dilemmas. “Well,” she drawled, “I might know a few guys who’d be perfect for you, Ev.”
Evelyn’s eyes widened in alarm. She set her glass down with a sharp clink, fixing Sophia with a stern look. “Sophia Bennett, you are not trying to set me up with someone.”
Sophia laughed, the sound light and teasing. She leaned back in her chair, a wicked glint in her eye. “Oh come on, Ev. Where’s your sense of adventure?” She tapped her chin thoughtfully, then snapped her fingers. “I could see if Jake has a brother?”
The idea of Jake – all sun-kissed skin and easygoing charm – having an equally attractive sibling sent a little thrill through Sophia. She pushed the feeling aside, focusing on Evelyn’s mortified expression.
“Absolutely not,” Evelyn hissed, glancing around as if Jake might materialise at any moment. “I don’t need you playing cupid, Soph. I’m perfectly capable of finding my own… bad boy.”
Emily snorted into her drink. “Evelyn Jones, did you just say ‘bad boy’ with a straight face?”
Freya cackled, nearly knocking over her cocktail. “Oh, this is too good!”
Sophia watched Evelyn’s face cycle through shades of red, feeling a mix of amusement and sympathy. She reached out, patting Evelyn’s hand. “Alright, alright. No matchmaking, I promise. But if you ever change your mind…”
Evelyn groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Can we please talk about literally anything else?”
Emily cleared her throat, her green eyes suddenly serious as they locked onto Sophia. “Actually, speaking of Jake…” She leaned forward, elbows on the table. “How are you really feeling about the whole kink thing now, Soph? Honestly.”
Sophia felt her stomach flip. She’d been dreading this question, knowing Emily wouldn’t let her dodge it. She took a long sip of her cocktail, buying time.
“I…” she started, then sighed. “There’s still a niggle, you know? That voice in the back of my head saying this is a bad idea, that I shouldn’t be enjoying it.” She shrugged, aiming for nonchalance. “But fuck, Em. The sex is so good I can ignore it most of the time.”
Emily’s brow furrowed. Sophia could practically see the gears turning in her friend’s head.
“You need to make sure you deal with that niggle though, Soph,” Emily said, her voice gentle but firm. “Otherwise it could very easily get in the way.”
Sophia’s fingers tightened around her glass. She knew Emily was right, but admitting it felt like swallowing razor blades.
“I know,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I… I nearly safeworded last night because of it.” The admission hung in the air, heavy and raw.
Emily’s eyes widened. “Shit, Soph. That’s serious.”
Sophia nodded, feeling exposed. She glanced around the bustling restaurant, suddenly hyper-aware of their surroundings. The chatter and clinking of glasses felt too loud, too close.
“But I don’t know how to deal with it,” she continued, her words rushed. “It’s not like I can just flip a switch and make it go away.”
Emily leaned in closer, her voice low and urgent. “What exactly is the niggle, Soph? What’s really bothering you?”
Sophia closed her eyes, feeling the familiar tightness in her chest. When she opened them again, she met Emily’s concerned gaze.
“It’s the same as it’s always been,” she admitted. “That I shouldn’t be enjoying this. That there’s something wrong with me for wanting it.”
The words hung between them, raw and honest. Sophia felt both relieved and terrified to have finally said it out loud.