The water swallowed me whole. My lungs screamed for air, but I only sank deeper, the surface above grew more distant, blurry, like a half-forgotten dream.
This was it. This was how it’d end.
You destroyed my life. Had I screamed those words at Judas or myself?
And I wanted to know why. What a cruel question to ask when the answer wouldn’t save me. The truth wouldn’t fix this. Nothing could.
I was drowning, but it wasn’t the water that killed me. No, I’d been drowning long before this. Drowning in his words. His touch. His lies. Judas wasn’t just my nightmare. He was the noose around my neck, tightening with every breath I dared to take.
My chest burned like fire in the middle of this frozen grave. My fingers clawed at the water, desperately. It screamed all the things I was too afraid to face.
You’re weak. Always have been. Always will be.
I kicked harder, though the fight felt pointless. Maybe it always had been. Maybe Judas was right. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough to fight him. Or myself.
I thought of my mother. Her smile. Her gentle hands brushed my hair back. What would she think of me now? Sinking in the dark, too scared to let go but too weak to fight my way out. My chest convulsed. The air was gone. The cold was no longer cold-it was sharp, biting like a frost that reached my very soul.
All I ever wanted was to make you proud, Mama. My arms slowed their thrashing. The water stilled around me.
Maybe I’d find peace at the bottom of this pool.
And then, through the haze of cold and surrender, he was there.
The water splashed, strong arms wrapped around me with a possessiveness that startled me. He pulled me to the surface, his grip tight as he dragged me to the pool’s edge.
I gasped for air, coughing as water streamed from my lips. But before I could catch my breath, his mouth was on mine, hard and hungry, stealing what little oxygen I had left.
I tried to push him away, but his hands framed my face, holding me in place as his lips claimed mine with a ferocity that left me trembling. His tongue slid against mine, the kiss deepening until I was lost, drowning in him instead of the water.
When he finally pulled back, his lips brushed against my ear, and I felt him tense against me.
“Don’t do this ever again,” His breath was hot against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. “Don’t fucking try to leave me, you fucking understand?”
His hand trailed down to my waist, pulling me closer, his grip firm but intimate. “You can hate me all you want,” he murmured, his lips brushing against my jaw. “But you’ll never leave me. You can’t leave me, ptichka. Because if you do… I swear, ptichka, I’ll follow you to hell. I’d die-I’d fucking die if you weren’t here.”…” He swallowed hard.
Tears spilt from my eyes, mixing with the water dripping down my face. “You’re cruel,” I whispered shaking my head. “You’re everything I hate.”
“And yet,” he murmured wiping them off my face, “you crave me just the same.”
A tension so thick it threatened to choke me. Judas’s pale eyes locked on mine, filled with a hunger that made my knees weak. His wet hair clung to his face, drops of water sliding down his sharp jawline and pooling on his chest. He leaned in closer, his breath hot against my ear.
“You drive me insane, ptichka,” he rasped. “Do you even know what you’re doing to me? What you are to me?”
I felt my pulse quicken, my heart pounding so hard it echoed in my ears. “How would I know? If you never tell me,” I whispered, through my tears.
I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. His lips hovered over mine, tauntingly close, and before I could stop myself, I bit him-hard.
His sharp intake of breath turned into a low growl. “Oh, you want to play, do you?”
Before I could react, his teeth grazed my bottom lip, then sank into the sensitive flesh just enough to make me gasp. A wicked smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he pulled back, licking the spot he’d bitten.
“You taste like sin,” he murmured tugging the wet cardigan off my shoulder. “Sweet, tempting, and utterly mine.”
“Stop saying that,” I hissed, but the heat pooling in my stomach betrayed me.
“Why?” he taunted, his hands sliding down to grip my hips. “Because you know it’s true? Because no matter how much you fight me, your body knows who it belongs to?”
His words sent a shiver down my spine, my resolve crumbling as his lips trailed down my jawline, leaving a searing path in their wake. His hands roamed my body, hungry and relentless, as if he were trying to memorize every inch of me.
“Judas…” I managed to whisper, though I wasn’t sure if it was a plea or a warning.
“I love it when you say my name like that,” he murmured against my neck, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. “Say it again.”
I clenched my fists, trying to resist the pull of him, but his hands slid under my shirt, his rough palms igniting every nerve they touched. He pressed his body against mine, trapping me against the cold, wet tile of the pool deck. The cardigan fell into the pool and he pushed me more into the pool’s edge before towering over me like a starving wolf.