Cara’s POV
For someone who had been anticipating sleep, I lay on the couch, eyes wide open, a soft pillow providing support for my slight discomfort with my face heavenwards.
The wheels in my head had refused to stop turning since Doctor Bruno left. It kept replaying the argument with Adonis, his pain, his past, his… trauma.
I was tired. Fed up with the unnecessary drama, fed up with the sob story that my husband’s life was, and fed up with fighting. Yet I was helpless.
This wasn’t me-I wasn’t a damsel in distress. Being his partner, I shouldn’t feel like I’m always on the outside, looking in.
I kept arguing for my voice to be heard, but the truth remained that I was nothing but a liability. One that would always be thought of as a burden when the men were finding solutions to the problems.
Adonis’s point was justified.
Why would he want to carry one along? I haven’t proven that I could take care of myself just fine. There had to be another way. I can’t just stand by and watch.
If I wanted to be treated like the queen of the Bernardi family and not just the wife of their Capo, I needed to act like it.
This wouldn’t have been possible for Cara Rodriguez, the college dropout, but as Camilla Rodriguez, daughter of the Spanish mafia, it was doable.
Enough of sitting back with folded arms while everyone did the work. If Adonis couldn’t understand, why don’t I show him?
I raised my head gently, staring at the stiff form of Luca on the couch opposite mine.
He had his legs spread out, arms folded to his chest and head against the rest with his eyes closed, but I knew he wasn’t asleep.
One of the most important things was to create stability and security for my family, which was already in shambles. That in itself gave me a landmark to start from.
“You want Cecelia back?”
His chest rose and fell deeply, and he gave no response but the slight shift of his hips as he got more comfortable.
He was pissed at me…
“I didn’t know she had someone else, and honestly, I wouldn’t have talked her out of it if she had told me.”
That got him to open his eyes.
“I still love her,” Luca confessed, his gaze heavy with regret.
“You shouldn’t be saying that to me. You should tell her.” I advised. “Explain what happened. I’m telling you this because I know she doesn’t know it. But you have to respect her decision. You don’t expect Cece to give up everything easily and run back into your arms.”
“You know…” He smiled lightly. “She’d have done that in a heartbeat. Perhaps it’s because she’s hurt; Cece knows I’d give her the world if I could.”
“Yet you didn’t.” I pointed out. “It doesn’t matter the route; the truth remains you didn’t own up to your promises, Luca. All I’m asking for is that you walk away if she refuses. You’ll need your actions to speak this time, not your words.”
“Did she… Did she ask you to talk to me?” He sat up straight, clasping both hands together.
“No. I want my home in order. Jacob is a man like you.” The crestfallen look on his face became a scowl. “He deserves some respect as her man.”
I watched him ponder on my words, a deep crease in between his eyes. Whatever was going through his mind, I didn’t want to know. My battles were a lot for me, so adding someone else’s to mine wasn’t an option.
“Till Jacob leaves, I’d like you to stay away.” I declared, leaving no room for argument.
“Cara-
My head shook in disagreement with whatever defence he was going to give. Adonis would never support this particular decision, but I was taking it anyway.
“Find a way to see her in your own space and time. The harassment scene from earlier has shown me that you would never behave amicably with him. I have no choice.”
It wasn’t an option. I made sure my voice was firm enough to pass that across. It stood on the line in between one, and a threat. A threat I wouldn’t hesitate to follow through on if needed.
“Go back to the mansion; put things in order. You should focus on that. The faster this is all over, the better it is for you.”
He sighed deeply, knowing he had no say, “I’ll leave when Adonis wakes up.”
“No. Leave now. I’m not ready to see the aftermath of the scene from before or to see the brewing fight explode in my face. Although you can’t say I’m not fair, I promise to do all I can to get you an audience with Cece.”
Having said all I wanted to, I rose to my feet. “I’m going to check up on Adonis.” Walking away without waiting to hear his response.
That was only done with people whose input you were going to consider.
Getting to the room, I was met with a great surprise. Contrary to what I expected, Adonis was up and wide awake, sitting with his hands crossed over his chest.
It didn’t feel as awkward as I’d anticipated it to be. He just continued to stare into space, not taking his eyes off the wall for a second.
I drew in a shaky breath, wondering where I was going to begin.
An apology first, or should we sweep it under the rug with the pile of things we were going to talk about when all this was over?
“Do you still want me to leave?” He asked, his voice sounding scratchy.
I guess we are addressing it now, then.
“Do you want to?”
His eyes flicked to mine for a second. “You already know the answer to that, Bel. But I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I’ve decided I’m not going to force you to do what you don’t want to.”
“You’re not forcing me to do anything, Adonis.”
“It’s the same thing. This way is all I’ve ever known. The mafia… it isn’t just a job for me… it’s my lifeline. Look at me.” He gestured to himself, “I’m a mess. And I won’t force you to accept the mess.”
My lips pursed as I studied him, “So you’re saying you can’t change? Is that it?”
“I’m saying I’ll try my best to love you in every way I can… No matter what decision you make. From afar or near, my heart would always beat in whatever direction you are.”
For a man who didn’t know how to express himself, his words felt as beautiful as they made me feel. A few particular ones stood out to me.
Love me in every way he can?
My heart clenched at those words. It became the confirmation of the answer I thought I had found.
How could I have expected love from a man who had never experienced it? This was new to him, and he was doing it in the best way he knew how to. Maybe all I needed was a little bit more patience.
My legs developed a mind of their own as they began to approach him, a sympathetic smile gracing my face against my better wishes.
“You don’t have to try hard.”
Our love shouldn’t be viewed from anyone else’s standard but ours. We wanted to be together; that would be enough to get us by. Any other thing could be learnt along the way.
If he wanted to remain quiet for the rest of his life, he was free to do so; I’d just take a study to learn how to read people’s emotions. If I got confused by the subtle ones he rarely showed, I’d just learn to wait by his side until he was ready to open up.
“Be yourself, Adonis.” My arm linked with his as I sat by his side, placing my head on his shoulder. “Do what you want to… I’m not going anywhere. The babies aren’t either-not that they were before.”
He chuckled, “The right thing to say is, ‘You don’t have to change your mind on my behalf,’ but is it bad that I want to be selfish a little?”
I patted his hand, encouraging him to let out those doubts in his mind.
“I know I’m not the best for you, but you… I feel the happiest and burden-free whenever I’m with you, Cara. Leaving me is like taking away the reason I’m still fighting against the world. Be with me.” He said, his voice sounding too vulnerable. “I can’t make a lot of promises, and I’m sure we’d still fight over this again. Yet I know that I’d try to make this marriage as normal as you want it to be.” A deep crease formed between his brows as he ended, sounding a bit off.
… like he was wondering if the words he said made sense.
“You’re already trying…” I commented.
“What?”
“I said… you just spoke about your feelings without me encouraging you to.” Other than the night he opened up about his scars, he’d never done this. “I was going to chop your neck for not telling me about your headaches, but you’re off the hook.”
I teased, earning a short, throaty laugh from him. It instantly alleviated what was left of the awkward tension between us.
“I’m sorry.” I blurted out.
Sorry for what? A lot. Do I start reciting them out? If I should, a whole day would pass. So in hopes that he’d understand more than I could say, I repeated.
“I’m sorry… and I love you. Never stopped, never will.”
Just a small squeeze of my hand, and I knew everything would be fine.
“Same here, Bel. I’m… sorry. I love you. All of you.”
As we lay side by side, in each other’s arms, Adonis shared childhood memories he felt ready to divulge, and I filled him in on my pregnancy journey and things he’d miss. We felt like a couple just starting to get to know each other.
Deep down, I knew this… our relationship would never be the same as others; we didn’t have equal starting ground. Their early stages felt like our fourth.
But I was sure of one thing: we would only be going forward henceforth, and I was going to put in all the work that was needed.
… with or without his help. I was going to fight for him.
He wanted me behind his shadows; who was I to complain? After all, they say a woman’s place is behind her husband…
Later that night… or better still, long into dawn, an hour after we’ve both drifted off, when the rays of the sun reflecting through the window cast over my face and startled me awake.
I carefully slipped out of bed, mentally snapping at myself for forgetting the plan as I located my father’s room.
My heart was pounding as I drew in a deep breath, trying to compose myself. I’ve never asked him for anything before. But this is for my family. For Adonis. Before my mind changed, I raised my hand and knocked.
Two soft knocks at his door and it was pulled back to reveal the man himself, all freshened up and ready for the day, standing before me.
I reminded myself to question his sleeping habits before leaving but first, I had something important to take care of. Pulling on the strength I needed to portray to convince him, I stuck my nose in the air.
“I think the time where I get to use your power to my advantage has come. What can I do to protect my husband?”
Who said I had to wait till Adonis changed? When I could just teach him to…