“She took my breath away, Olly. She kissed me for what was probably just a breath or two, and left me panting, shivering, actually unable to string words together. I think she felt sorry for me, because she backed off slightly and made me a cup of tea, and spent a good bit of time talking me down and making sure I was OK… She gave me lots of outs. I didn’t take any of them. She had me hook, line and sinker and I think part of me was glad.”
“So it was good?”
“So good it still makes me curl my toes, four years later.”
“Hah. Need some privacy?”
“Later, maybe,” I taunted him.
“And?”
“A lady never tells,” I demurred.
“Shannon!”
“Nuh uh. Some things are for me alone,” I replied. “It was only the once. If things had been different maybe it would have been something more, but she met someone shortly afterwards.” I took a breath, remembering. “I was… bitterly upset. I think that, had she not, I might have…”
“Might have what?”
I met his eyes, then glanced down at my wine. “Fallen.”
“I thought you said…”
“Olly. For me… honestly… it’s the person I want against me… not the body they happen to wear. She was… special. I felt something. I…”
“You what,” he prodded, gently.
“I would have liked to have had a chance to see where it led,” I sighed. “I would have liked a chance at happiness.”
He said nothing; there was nothing he could say.
“Whoo,” I said, after a while. “That’s woken me up. I need some air.”
“I’ll get us some more wine.”
“Decent stuff, please, no tramp juice. If I’m going to suffer a hang-over I’d at least like to earn it.”
.:.
I slid the door back on its tracks, and walked out into the howling wind, stopping at the edge of the paving stones where the grass plunged to the fence at the bottom of the garden. Dust and leaves stung my legs, and the long raking arms of the bluegums clawed at the night sky.
Shelley.
It had been months since I’d thought about her. The pang was still there, though. I’d spent maybe eight hours with her outside of class, and those eight hours felt like they were part of a different life. I remembered the feel of her hair against my shoulders as she spooned me. I remembered the way she had of holding my belly just so. The way her lips felt on my neck, on my cheeks, on my lips. The feeling of her tongue on my clit, the taste of her body and the shivering wail she gave when she came.
I still felt cheated, even now, after all this time.
I hoped she was well.
.:.
Olly handed me a full wineglass and I gave him a small smile.
“You OK, Shan?”
“No. But I will be in a bit. I don’t deal well with bittersweet memories and regrets.”
“At least you have the memories, sweetie,” he offered softly.
I squinted at him. “I guess. Cold comfort right now, though.”
“That’s life, isn’t it. We can’t always have what we want.”
“It sucks that way,” I agreed. I threw a log onto the fire. “So that’s the sad tragedy of Shannon. I’ve shagged one girl and had two guys in come in me, and the only sex orgasm I had that I didn’t give myself was from her. Neither guy lasted long enough for me to even get to my plateau. And honestly, it just hurt too much to be at all enjoyable. I was glad when they’d come and I could leave and go wash them off me.”
Olly shook his head. “Not taking long I can understand; no guy would last long in you.”
“Say what?”
“You’re a stunning woman, Shan. Any guy who got into you would be so wound up they’d have a hair trigger. They’d be working against a massive handicap.”
“Maybe I should try with a bag over my head.”
“Or maybe you just haven’t met the right kind of guy…”
“Someone with a mechanical cock?”
“Or willpower,” he winked.
I stared into the flames.
“I suck at meeting men,” I said, after a while. “Sometimes I wish men didn’t find me attractive. Then maybe I’d have a chance of finding one who could have a conversation with me as opposed to spending their lives just wanting to fuck me.” I flung another log onto the fire. “I’m lonely, Olly. I need someone who will love me for me. Issues included.”
“You have me, Shan. And your issues are minor, all things considered.”
“You aren’t there to keep the bed warm at night.” I thought a moment, “Well, except that is, when your idiot sister injures herself.”
“I’m a professional white knight, I suppose.”
“My white knight, anyway. I wish I could meet someone like you. At least you think I’m hot, I guess.”
“Any man would, Shan.”
“Why?”
“Do you need an itemised list?”
“Hah, do you have one?”
“Mm. Reasons Shannon is hot. One, amazing bum.”
“Olly,” I giggled.
“Two, drop-dead amazing figure. Three. Stunning eyes.”
“Mm.”
“Four, gives great hugs. Five. Relates to point one. Penchant for going commando in white pants.”
“You noticed that…”
“It’s kind of hard not to, Shan. Linen’s pretty transparent when wet, you know. Pretty obvious you weren’t wearing a bikini bottom.”
“You’d only see it if you were staring at my bum, Olly. Were you staring at my bum?”
“Speaking as a red-blooded man, Shannon, it’s kind of hard not to. You have a fantastic figure. The stuff men’s fantasies are made of.”
“I’m your sister, you perve.”
“Yes, and I’m sure I’ll burn in hell eventually. But you’re also a solid ten, and to be frank you’re the one who went commando. Not looking would be like driving through the Alps without looking at the snow. And the view is… well, pretty nice.”
“True, I guess,” I murmured. “So… is that the complete list?”
“There are more items on it.”
“Such as?” I laughed.
“Well, it’s kind of unfair to mention this, since you had fallen down, but your breasts are amazing.”
“Olly!”
“You wanted the list, Shan. I’m being honest with you.”
I took a large gulp of my wine.
“Shall I stop?” he asked, softly.
“Probably,” I whispered. “Probably a good idea. Otherwise it might get weird.”
“Weird how?”
“Olly, I’m pretty wound up after this chat. Really, really, wound up. I think you can imagine the rest.”
“Aching?”
“You simply cannot imagine,” I moaned.
“Yep. You need a boyfriend.”
“I don’t need a fucking boyfriend,” I retorted. “Boyfriends come with drama.”
“A girlfriend then?”
“Same same but different.”
“Robo-lover 9001 Sport Edition?”
“Does it come with a vibrating dick? Because otherwise I’m sure it will be a great door-stop.”
Oliver laughed. “Beggars can’t be choosers.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m going to spread my legs for the first thing to come my way, present urge notwithstanding.”
We watched the fire for a while in silence. Then Olly stretched.
“So… since we’re on the topic…”
“Uh huh. I wondered how long that would take.”
“What gets you going?”
I rolled onto my back, and thought for a bit. “Difficult to pin down. It’s some combination of what they look like, sound like, the tightness of their shirts, the sexiness of their arms… how they walk, the phase of the moon, the alignment of the outer planets…”
“Complex, in other words.”
“I am nothing if not complex.”
“True,” he agreed. “I’m still wondering what possessed you to run around commando.”
“Lets just say that I was… amusing myself.”
“And did it work?”
“It’s got me to a headspace I haven’t been in for a while… If you hadn’t been here I’d have been running around nude, after all. Amongst other things.”
“Really?” he asked, leering.
“I like it,” I said, softly. “I like wearing as little as possible. It makes me feel liberated. Free. Nothing between the air and my skin.”
“As I said, exhibitionist.”
“Partly, I guess. But I just like the feeling of the wind and water on me with nothing to distract me.” I paused. “So… fair’s fair, what gets you going?”
Olly sipped his wine. “Mm. She has to be tall. Shapely. Natural. I like girls who are feminine; not famine or fashion victims.” He paused, thinking. “Pretty face helps, obviously. Nape of the neck is a big turn-on for me. If a girl has a hairstyle that shows that… well, it’s hard for me to focus. Boobs are nice, obviously. Nice bum is nice, too.”
“Nice shopping list,” I drawled.
“Not that easy to find the complete package, you know,” he said softly. “Because personality comes into it too. I need to feel the physical spark, but I also need to be able to talk to her. A fuck is a fine thing, but if I’m not going to be happy holding her afterwards I’m not interested.”
“Has that ever happened?”
“Once. It got awkward.”
“Hah. Shame. Still, you’re a guy. At least you can find someone.”
“You labour under a common misunderstanding… It’s not easy for me either.”
“I know… it’s just… you’ve got your shit together, and I’m envious of you.”
“You’ve got a love affair with the ocean and you move like you’re water personified. You don’t care about irrelevant shit. People fall over themselves for you, yet you never use your powers for evil. The envy goes both ways, Shan. You’re amazing. I wish I was more like you.” He paused. “I wish I could meet someone like you.”
I glanced away, blushing.
“Are my breasts really that nice?” I asked, softly.
Olly put down the wine glass. “Are you kidding me?”
“Call it… curiosity. And fishing for compliments from the only man I trust to be objective.”
“Shan,” he said, shaking his head. “Jesus Christ. They’re spectacular.”
“I sometimes feel they’re too small.”
“No. No. Nope. Definitely not. They’re perfect. Just like you.”
We watched the fire in silence for a moment, and I mulled his words over in my head. I could feel the dampness between my thighs; talking to Olly about sex had wound me up to breaking point. I needed release. But a dark part of me didn’t want to do it alone. I’d seen him naked. I’d heard him playing with himself. I’d felt his hard cock against my bum, and I’d dreamed of what it would feel like in me.
My heart was racing and, lightheaded, I pushed the boundaries further.
“How drunk are you?” I breathed.
“Scale of one to very? Almost very.”
“Can you still get upstairs?”
He pursed his lips. “Probably.”
“I can’t.”
“You need help?”
“Yes. Too unsteady to get up.”
“Put your arm around me.”
He ducked under my arm and wrapped his around my back.
“Olly,” I teased, as his fingers brushed my breast.
“Whoops, sorry.”
I laughed, and kissed his cheek. “If you need to drag me upstairs by the boobs you’ll need to ask, you know. I need a bit of time to get warmed up…”
“Jesus Christ, Shannon,” he laughed.
I slid my right arm down over his back to his hip, and pulled him against me.
“Am I tall enough, Olly?”
“Sorry?” he murmured, as he steered us to the stairs.
“You said you like tall girls. Am I a tall girl? Like you want?”
“You’re my perfect height,” he answered distractedly as he steered me.
“I’m glad,” I breathed, leaning into him.
“You want to shower again?”
“Nah. Still clean. Mostly…”
“Right, bedroom it is.”