I stare at him and say, “But then you brought me into his orbit.”
“Finnegan would have found you. Fuck, you in pageants? Might as well have taken out billboards across the country announcing where you were.” I take another sip because I need to do something.
“He’s an asshole,” he says. “I’m not going to tell you what he’s done to women-innocent women, but-”
“I can imagine.”
His sigh is so soft, I have to blink back sudden tears. There’s something in that sound that hurts. “No, sweet Rose, you really fucking can’t. You might think I’m cruel, and you’d be right, but he’s got evil in him. He loves hurting women, sometimes so bad, it would be a mercy if he killed them.”
I almost throw up as my stomach heaves, and I set my glass down with shaky hands. “I-Is that what he did to your aunt?” He doesn’t say a word as I look at him. “Rush said there was a shootout… that your parents died? His parents took you in and-”
He turns, shoulders heaving. “You know what Finnegan did?”
“Rush-”
“He should’ve never told you,” he says harshly. “He had no right to tell you.”
“I think he was just making small talk…”
“It’s not that,” He replies, then pauses. “Did he tell you what Finnegan did? To your Steph?”
My stomach drops. “My mother? No-”
“He once beat Steph and you so fucking badly, you should have been hospitalized. No one stepped in. His men, they let him do it.”
Everything in me is numb. I don’t remember. I…how old was I? “Even you?”
The absolute fury and rage in his face is frightening. He picks up the glass, hurling it across the room, and it shatters against the wall. I scream a little, dropping the juice as I try to get away because he’s stalking up to me.
He stops, and takes deep, hard breaths.
“Even me?” He shakes his head and laughs. He rubs a hand over his face. “I was just a fourteen when my parents died, a kid. I didn’t know about this life. I spent years on my own, hustling, doing what I had to survive. Then my uncle found me, took me in and… My uncle was working with that sick fuck then. Trusted him. He had a young daughter. You.”
Nikolai stops, and he’s got one hand in a fist, his body vibrating as if he’s fighting the violence and anger rising within him. There’s so much I don’t get, but he didn’t answer my question, which is an answer in himself, isn’t it? Then again, if grown men did nothing to stop the abuse, how could I expect a teenager to? Shit, I don’t know. I don’t know anything. Nothing is the right way up.
Nikolai crosses to me and takes my face gently in his hands. “Rose, he would have found you. And-” He pauses, and I get the feeling he doesn’t say the next part of his thoughts. “I’m a monster, too, just not on the scale of Derek.”
Does he blame himself for not stepping in? I take a breath as I stare up at him, leaning a little into one of his hands. “Maybe I’m the monster, not you,” I mutter. “I don’t remember anything, apart from the nightmares, or memories. You went through hell, and his blood-”
“Fuck, Rose, families are made of all kinds of things, but being the byproduct of him inseminating an egg doesn’t make him a dad. It doesn’t make you like him.”
“Nikolai, you’re not evil.” I really don’t know if it’s true, but surely, he can’t be. I wouldn’t have feelings for him if he was.
A strange intense look comes to those dark eyes, and he leans his forehead against mine. “I need…I need to fucking kiss you,” Nikolai whispers.
My head’s still raised, and my lips part because I need it too, and he takes the invitation. The kiss is slow, like time is made of slow-moving molasses and just as bittersweet. It’s the kind of kiss that undulates, and the soft touch of his mouth, the slide of his tongue on mine, makes my toes curl. I press against him. He tastes of coffee and him, and I need more of his heat. He’s not often soft like this, and I want to meld into him.
My hands slide about his waist, and he’s hard again, so big, and I rub against him as he cradles my head, continuing that seductive sonata of a kiss.
My throat is tight and everything is focusing down into the kiss, the coming together of our mouths, and I move against him more, a little sigh breaking forth. He growls softly and it’s a spark that ignites a bite of passion that fans itself, and soon we’re kissing hard, unable to get enough of each other. It’s urgent and-
I pull my mouth free, and drop my head to his hot chest. The beat of his heart echoes mine as I try to bring the shattering parts of myself together.
“Please let me go.”
To my shock, he does. Even more surprising is that he steps back, watching me.
“I’ll…I’ll do it,” I whisper. “I’ll help with your plan.” His eyes narrow, and he nods.
“But I have conditions, Nikolai.” I have no idea where this is coming from, but I just let it flow.
“What is it you want, little Rose?”
I take a breath. “You’re rich, you’re influential. I need you to fix everything you took from me. I want to get back into pageants.”
“That ship has sailed.”
“It wouldn’t take much. I’m sure you could get me back in.”
“No.”
I take a shaky breath and rub my sweating hands down the thighs of my dress. “What about my friend, Genius?” He doesn’t respond.
“I want to call her.”
“No fucking way.”
“But-”
“Rose,” he says, “she’s alive, okay, and she isn’t worried about you.”
I recoil like he slapped me. “No, that can’t be true. She must be freaking out.”
“She’s been fed a lie.” He pulls open a drawer and pulls out another paper. He flicks to a page, opens it, and folds it, handing it to me.
With horror and disbelief, I skim the small article. “I’m the beauty queen who couldn’t hack it, so I ran off? To…find myself? What the hell? I wouldn’t. This…this is all I had, the only thing that was ever mine. Genius knew that. I worked so hard…”
Anger rushes over me, fast and furious, and I glare at him. There’s a strange expression on his face. Amusement? Confusion? I don’t know, but I can’t deal with it right now.
I want to slap him again, and I fist my hand at my side to fight back the urge. He took so much from me-everything I’d built. Rage growing, I turn and run off, back upstairs.
“Rose!” I hear his bellow behind me, but I don’t slow, and he doesn’t follow.
Once in my room, I slam the door and drag the armchair over to block the way.
Right now, I can’t face him again, or I might end up doing something that’ll really get me killed.