Matteo
“Papa, are you okay?”
I blink, coming back to my senses, and look at Romeo in confusion.
What did he just say?
“You’ve been mixing eggs for eighty seconds now.”
He pointedly looks at the whisk in my hands, and I follow his gaze and automatically stop whisking. Damn, I kind of spaced out there for a
second…or a bit longer. Wait, was he counting time?
“Oh, yeah, sorry,” I say in a hurry, instinctively wanting to make up for my silence and look around. What was I doing? Right, French toast.
“Have you seen the bread? I’m sure it was somewhere…”
My voice trails off as Romeo pushes the loaf of bread closer to me. It was lying right next to the open pack of eggs. Goddamnit, what’s wrong with me today? I shake my head and turn around to look for the pan. I really should stop thinking about her-it’s all over now. Finished. Nada. She’s not a part of our life anymore.
“Is it because of Miss Liss?” Romeo’s quiet voice interrupts my thoughts again, and I still for a moment, crouched in front of the shelves of cookware. How does he know everything?
I don’t know what to say, though-I don’t really want to bring it up again-so I dig out the pan and turn to the stove. It’s been less than a week, and I can see that Romeo is still hurting as well. He misses her, maybe even more than I do. They had an even deeper kind of connection than Liss and I did-which makes me all the angrier at her for betraying him.
“I want her back too,” Romeo murmurs after I say nothing for a long moment, busying myself with the milk and egg mixture.
When I glance over my shoulder, I see him lying with his head on the counter, his arms crossed and his cheek resting in the crook of his
elbow. His expression is sad and longing, his feelings open in a way only a child can pull off, and it squeezes my heart even harder. Sometimes, I think maybe I shouldn’t have pushed her away, just to keep Romeo happy-but I couldn’t trust her with his life, not anymore.
“I’ll find you another nanny,” I say with a tense smile in a fruitless attempt to cheer him up. I don’t think it’s gonna work, but I have to give it a shot. “You won’t be alone this summer, I promise.”
“But I don’t want another nanny.” Romeo immediately purses his lips and looks up at me with a grumpy frown. “Miss Liss promised she wouldn’t leave me, and I believe her. I know she’ll be back.”
Oh, why does that make my heart ache again?
“Romeo,” I say slowly, thinking how to go about it, but he fervently shakes his head, curling his hands into fists.
“I know what you’re gonna say, but I trust her! I know she’ll be back!”
How on earth am I supposed to tell him that he can’t trust Liss anymore and shouldn’t have since the first day she showed up? I couldn’t even find it in me to tell him that I was the one to fire her-even if I never said it out loud, I think it was clear that Liss had no place in our life
anymore. I told Romeo that she had to take a break instead of admitting that she would never come back to us, and now it’s firing back at me.
It hurts to even think about telling him the truth, so in the end I just give him a small, joyless smile and nod. “Of course, you’re right. Let’s just wait and see, okay? But until then, you have to try and get along with the nannies at daycare.”
I give him a pointed glare, and Romeo puffs up his cheeks and looks away to scratch Dolce behind the ear. “They’re boring and dumb. I don’t like them.”
“They’re very nice young ladies, and you shouldn’t call them names just because they don’t know your favorite video games.”
At that, Romeo pouts and demonstratively turns away from me, and we spend the rest of the breakfast in grumpy silence. Any other time, I’d probably try to brighten up his mood and make him smile again, but these days it’s too hard for me to even pretend to be positive. My heart is bleeding, and Liss’s absence follows me like a ghost.
Did I make the right choice by leaving her that morning? I don’t know anymore.
On the way to daycare, Romeo frowns and grunts even harder, and when we arrive he goes to the nannies without a second glance my way.
Well, I guess I deserve it. I give Mrs. Falcon a tight smile and get back into the car. The sooner I deal with my work for today, the sooner I’ll be able to pick him up.
No matter how nice the summer camp is, I don’t like leaving Romeo there, and I’d be glad to stay at home with him. But, besides my mind being a complete mess these days, my work doesn’t allow me to look after him. I used to let him stay at home during summer, but with every passing year he gets even naughtier, increasing his own chances of getting into trouble when I’m not around.
Liss was the only one who could keep him engaged and under her charms, but… yeah, I should stop thinking about it. Accepting her back is not an option anymore, not after what she’s done.
I get back home, met by Dolce’s wagging tail and the complete silence of the house. It’s hard to imagine just how fast I got used to Liss
always being around. It’s been what, a month, two months since she showed up on our doorstep? And now, everything feels empty without her.
I linger in the hallway and rub my eyes, trying to clear my mind, when Dolce jumps at me, and I automatically push him away with a rather harsh tone. “No, get away!”
Dolce immediately steps away to give me some space, looking at me with the same bright eyes and wagging tail, and god, what an asshole I am.
“I’m sorry, buddy.” I sigh and crouch in front of him, allowing him to get his nose into my cheek and press his whole body against me. There’s something about Dolce’s warmth and affection that makes my chest tight, and I shut my eyes, bury my face into his fur, and let out a shaky breath.
“God, I miss her.”
There’s no point in lying to myself-I’ve been feeling like shit ever since I left Liss’s apartment that morning, and I’m not doing a very good job at keeping it to myself. I have told my family everything-I didn’t want to risk the lives of my clan members just to keep Liss’s name clean-and at this point everyone has told me, in one way or another, that I’ve been kinda off lately.
But what can I say?
The only girl that truly matters to me just broke my heart into pieces. How am I supposed to act normally? Whatever that actually means. I chuckle to myself, shake my head, and get up from the floor, giving Dolce one last pat before going up to my office.
Work doesn’t really help me clear my mind, but I do get distracted enough to direct my thoughts away from her. I keep the connection with Georgiy shut-I’m not in the mood to talk to anyone right now-but the stream of notifications keeps me busy for some time. There are a few cars that need repairs, so I check with our mechanics while guiding a team of our men to Liss’s apartment building.
After I told Riccardo about her betrayal, he decided to use all the information I had on her and figure out how exactly she was getting in touch with the Escarra family. He ordered me to organize a spying team to keep an eye on Liss at all times and track all of her movements. So far, Liss has been going out of her apartment only to get to the nearest grocery store and has stopped by her favorite bakery once.
I’ve even received some photos from them, and I couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under her eyes and the lost, pale look on her face. It would be a lie to say I didn’t feel anything. Oh, it would be such a lie.
I almost wish I could be mad at her, truly mad, you know? I wish I could turn all that sadness and longing in my heart into a rage and tell
everyone how much I hate her. But I can’t even do that because…because no matter what, I can understand her pain and her deep, consuming loneliness.
I felt the same when I lost Sienna-but I had Romeo to take care of, and I had my family to support me. Liss was left completely on her own. If I were her, wouldn’t I do the same thing? Wouldn’t I want to seek revenge for the murder of any of my brothers?
I’d rather turn the world upside down than let the killer get away with it, and if Liss really thought that I’d killed Hank, well, she did
everything in her power to get me. No other spy has ever gotten that deep into the Messina family without getting caught. I have to admit that her courage, wit, and determination deserve respect and almost admiration-
because if I didn’t find that dagger, how long would she have kept it away from me?
Would she actually kill me?
Sometimes, I can’t help but think about it, staring into the darkness of the night and remembering each of our dates. Liss said she couldn’t do it because she fell in love with me-but can I trust her? I shake my head, pinching the bridge of my nose. The thought is wreaking havoc in my mind, my heart squeezing tighter with every question rising in my head.
Was Liss genuine when she was kissing me, holding me, moaning my name into the sheets? Was she truly in love with me, or was it nothing but a play? I want to blame her. I want to find a single lie in her behavior- but the more I think about it, the more I feel like she’s been genuine in her affection all this time. Liss just couldn’t tell me the truth, and…god, why am I trying so hard to find a reason to forgive her?
I shouldn’t even think about going back to someone who could literally kill me, but-
The sound of notifications interrupts the endless circle of musing, and I force myself to sit up and focus back on reality. Right now, I have people relying on me, and I can’t let them down. I check the screen of my laptop-and an invisible hand pinches my chest when I see that it’s from the team taking care of Liss. I guess it’s just another update about her being at home, but I can’t shake off an anxious feeling until I open it.
The target just received a message.
What? I frown, tensing up despite myself. She doesn’t have close friends or family members. After going through the information we got from her mobile operator, I saw that over the last two months, Liss has only talked to me or the unknown number-her contact person on the Mexican side.
Shit. Is she going back to them? What is she doing?
While I’m frantically going over all possible scenarios in my head, I receive another message and, a few seconds later, another one.
The target is pacing around the apartment. She is about to leave the building.
Has she lost her goddamn mind? Everything inside of me freezes as I stare at the dots on the map showing the location of the team. It’s too dangerous, it’s too fucking dangerous. The Mexicans probably know about her failure now, what does she want from them?
The answer comes to me with a wave of terror. Shit. Is she going to get her revenge now? No, no, it can’t be-but it’s the only explanation I have. Liss is not one to give up on her goal, and if revenge has been keeping her going for years now, she wouldn’t let it go so easily.
Fuck! I close my eyes, trying to figure out what to do. God, she can’t do it on her own, I-I can’t let her do it. I can’t let her do something
so dangerous. I can’t let them take someone else from me. So I rub my face, clench my jaw, and move to the laptop with my heart pounding in my chest.
Track her movements.
I have to know where she’s going.