Liss
Even before I open my eyes, I feel the pleasant soreness in my muscles from last night, and it makes me smile as I remember yesterday’s events.
Honestly, I can tell that it was the best date I’d ever been on. I didn’t expect Matteo to show up on my day off-I didn’t think he would miss me at all after spending every day together-but god, am I glad that he did. The afternoon cuddles, the restaurant, the walk under the stars and street lamps, and finally, the mind-blowing sex in my bed. I can still feel the lingering pleasure of my orgasms, and damn it, I’m kind of ready for more.
But where’s Matteo? I can’t feel his warmth next to me, and it makes me frown and roll onto my back, stretching my arms above my head with a yawn. Is he in the kitchen? The room is brighter than usual, so I guess-
But before I can finish my thought, I hear a rustle of curtains, a couple of quick steps, and the next moment something grabs me by the throat and pushes me up against the wall. What the hell?
I burst my eyes open, gasping for breath and trying to pry the hand away from my neck. I don’t even have enough presence of mind to get scared before adrenaline runs through my veins. My whole body jerks in an attempt to fight whatever or whoever it is, and I kick my legs under the blanket and try to push away from the wall.
“What-”
My gaze finally lands on Matteo just a moment before he grabs my shoulder with his other hand and pushes me back harder. The back of my head hits the wall, and I flinch and breathe out, going still. The air is barely reaching my lungs, and I have to gasp for every ounce of it. My whole body is hot from adrenaline, my heart is pounding, and my mind is frantically trying to grasp the situation.
What the hell is going on?
“Good morning,” Matteo says after I lose my will to fight and slump against the wall to focus on breathing.
His voice is low and void of any emotions, and when I look up at him I see his gaze-but I don’t recognize it. The look in his brown eyes is as cold as ice, and it sends a shiver through my body. I’ve never seen him so hostile and intimidating, and the only explanation as to why he would be acting like this creeps into my mind with another shiver. Shit. Shit. Where’s the knife?
I tense up and reach for his wrist, trying to take a better look around, but of course Matteo doesn’t let me. As soon as I make an attempt to turn away, he grabs my face so hard I can feel his fingers digging into my teeth through my cheeks and forces me to turn back to him. My lips are all smashed together from the force of his grip, and every breath I take is accompanied by a swish.
“Are you looking for this?” Matteo asks, looking into my eyes with an empty expression and letting go of my throat to grab something from his side of the bed.
Shit. My eyes widen as soon as I see the dagger in his hand, and I don’t know how much he knows-but I know for sure that I have to get the fuck out of here.
I immediately start kicking my legs, trying to push him away from me, and frantically shake my head to get his hand off me. My violent thrashing catches him off guard, and as soon as I free myself from his grip I lunge over the bed, crawling on my knees to get to the other side with my eyes set on the door.
I have to get out of the room, lock Matteo in my apartment, and then? Run, run away from him, from this city, and from the Messinas who, for sure, will never forgive my betrayal.
There are only a few feet between me and my only chance to get out of this unharmed-but the moment I push myself up to get off the bed,
Matteo grabs my ankle and yanks me back. Ouch! The sharp movement strains the muscles of my knee, and I stumble and almost fall off the bed, hitting my chin against the mattress.
I instinctively try to grab onto the mattress, the sheets, anything that can keep me from being dragged back to Matteo, but of course nothing can stop him. He’s bigger, stronger, and more experienced than me, and while it used to turn me on in bed, I wish I could fight him now.
Matteo grabs me by the hips and drags me back without much effort, pulling out the sheets clutched in my fists. I try to kick my legs
again, grunting under my breath, but it does nothing to him. I really stand no goddamn chance against him. Matteo flips me over onto my back in one smooth movement, and before I can do anything he throws his leg over my thighs, catches my wrists, and pins me against the bed.
“Are you in a hurry?” he asks, unbothered, while I keep trying to kick him off me-to no avail, of course-until I lose my strength with a huff and look up at him.
His expression is neutral, but deep in his eyes I see just how pissed he is. Shit. He knows. He must’ve figured out my relationship with the Escarras somehow. And what should I do now? Admit to everything or keep acting like I don’t know what he’s talking about?
“I just-” I finally force out of myself, barely breathing. “You scared me, and I wanted to-”
“Don’t lie to me!” Matteo raises his voice all of a sudden, squeezing my wrists so tight I wince. “Stop acting innocent. Where did you get that dagger?”
A part of me wants to keep playing-but for some reason, the anger in his loud voice stirs something inside of me. I’m tired of lying, I’m tired of pretending! I want to look into his eyes and tell him the truth, so I snap, “You know where I got it! The Escarras gave it to me.”
My sudden outburst makes Matteo go still for a moment, and I feel a twisted kind of satisfaction when I see the surprise in his eyes. But it quickly shifts into anger. He pushes me against the bed with additional
strength, gritting through his teeth, “Did you spy on me?”
I look into his eyes, hold a pause to enjoy the moment of truth, and smirk. “Yes.”
“Did you send them after us this Tuesday?” “Yes.”
“Why?” Matteo clenches his jaw, pushing my wrists into the mattress. “Louis almost got killed because of you!”
“Do you expect me to care?” I chuckle, refusing to let my true feelings out of my heart. Now is not the time to care about anything. The
game is over. “You’re lucky you are still alive.”
He opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind, and for a moment I catch a glint of hurt in his eyes, but it disappears in an instant. Matteo raises a wall of indifference, the same one I hold against him, and it feels wrong. I want to be open with him-but I guess it’s too late for that.
“God, I feel like you’re just a copy of the woman I loved,” he finally says, studying my face as if he’s seeing it for the first time. “Who are you?”
It hurts. Shit. It goes straight into my heart and squeezes it tightly, but I take a deep breath to steady myself and look away with a bitter
chuckle. “Exactly, you know nothing about me. You don’t even recognize me-but I remember you, oh, I remember you so well.”
“What are you talking about?” Matteo frowns and sits back on my thighs, loosening his grip on my wrists, but I have no desire to use them. I’m not gonna win against him, not now, so I just look him in the eyes, not hiding my contempt anymore.
“I’m talking about the day ten years ago when one of your pawns showed up for a meeting with his little sister. His name was Hank. Do you remember someone like this?”
Matteo’s frown goes deeper, but I see confusion in his eyes. He doesn’t recognize the name. Of course, just another dead body on his count never mattered to him.
“Hank was the only person I had when I was a child, he was the only one who actually cared about me-but what did it matter to you, right?” I can’t help the seething note of venom in my voice as I raise my head over the pillows, instinctively trying to get closer to Matteo and make him hear it better. “You didn’t think about that when you brought him into your goddamn family and then shot him with his hands tied behind his back and dropped him at the side of the road like a fucking bag of meat.”
Matteo says nothing for a moment while I try to catch my breath, biting back the tears rising to my eyes. This goddamn bastard. How could I spare his life when he treated Hank like nothing? God, I thought saying it out loud would make it better, but my heart hurts even more now.
“So you think I did it,” Matteo finally says in a half-questioning tone, and I huff and drop back down on the pillows.
“What, are you gonna act innocent now? I know you did it, the Mexicans told me. You forgot about him, like all your other victims, but I didn’t. For years, I was waiting for a chance to get to you-and it turned out to be so easy.”
Matteo quirks an eyebrow, unbothered by my teasing. “Is that why you got involved with the Escarras?”
“Yes.” I shrug as if it’s not a big deal. As if it didn’t take me almost four months to find a way to meet Giovanni in person. “They helped me get closer to you, and in exchange I provided them with all the information I gathered while staying at your home.”
Damn, it sounds harsh even to my own ears, but I want to get the truth out of my mind before it chokes me again. It seems to impress Matteo as well because, for a long minute, he doesn’t say anything, staring at the blanket by my side with unseeing eyes. What’s going on in his mind? In his heart?
The thought makes something in my own chest nag even harder, because no matter how much I want to stay cold and indifferent, I do care about him. Despite everything I just told him, my heart still belongs to him and it looks like he’s thinking about the same thing.
“Why didn’t you kill me, then?” Matteo looks up at me, catching my gaze with an unreadable look in his eyes and tightening his hold on my
wrists. “You had a chance to get your revenge-why didn’t you?”
I chuckle quietly and look away, feeling my heart pick up its pace under his intense gaze. Doesn’t he know?
“Because I couldn’t do it to Romeo…or to myself,” I mutter, avoiding his gaze, too scared to see something that will make the ache in my heart even stronger. “You are the only person who has ever treated me right and really cared about me. I fell in love with you like an idiot, and I- I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
Matteo chuckles, the sound low and bitter. “You fell in love with me yet you chose to carry this dagger around.”
I close my eyes as his words dig deeper into my heart. I know, I know! God, I messed up so many times I’ve lost count by now, and I still
don’t know what’s the right thing to do. I can’t forgive him for my brother’s death-but I can’t make him pay for it either.
Matteo doesn’t say anything for a long moment and only releases my wrists and pushes himself off and away from me, getting off the bed. I guess he knows now that I’m no danger to him. Even if I had the dagger in my hands right now, I wouldn’t have enough willingness in me to use it.
I’m sorry, Hank, but your little sister is too weak to let your soul rest in peace.
“Well, I don’t know if it will make you feel better, but you were wrong all along,” Matteo finally says, coming to a stop next to the
footboard and turning to look at me over the bed. “I remember Hank, and I remember what exactly happened to him. He came to our doorstep looking for a way to earn respect on the streets and make some good money. And, yes, I was the one to accept him. He was a diligent worker, but he wasn’t careful enough.”
Careful? I frown and sit up on the bed to get a better look at him.
What is he talking about? Does he think I’m going to believe whatever story he wants to tell me to make himself look good?
“At the time, we heard rumors about a new gang of criminals from abroad getting settled in Chicago. Hank volunteered to find more information about them-if he succeeded, he’d be promoted to a full-time member of the clan.” Matteo sighs and pushes his hands into his pockets, looking to the side.
“I wish I could tell you everything went as we had planned-but unfortunately, they caught him, and before we could do anything Hank was already dead.” He moves his jaw around unspoken words, looking pissed, before slowly turning back to me. “If you think his death meant nothing, you’re wrong. We mourned him just as much as we did any other member of the Messina Clan. As for your thirst for revenge…”
He huffs.
“A few months later, we found out that the gang was coming from Mexico. It was the first time we heard about the Escarra family. So if they were the ones to tell you that I killed him…” He shrugs. “Believe what you want to believe. Just know that the people behind your brother’s death are the ones who are using you to get to us.”
With that, Matteo finally turns around, leaving me with my throat tight and my mind in complete chaos. I stare at his back with wide eyes, not knowing what to say. Should I stop him? Should I try and talk to him? But there’s nothing left to say-except for one thing.
“You know.” Matteo suddenly pauses in the doorway and, holding onto the frame, turns around. His smile is sad, and his eyes look straight into my soul. “I actually thought you were the one for me. I guess we all make mistakes, huh?”
What? What is he saying? The air gets caught in my throat, and my vision blurs as he says it. But by the time I blink out of it, Matteo is already gone, and my whole life is turned upside down.