ZARA’S POV
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.” I yelled in panick, this can not be happening to me, I don’t even know this dude that well, well I know that he is like the most popular guy on campus, that he is on an athletic scholarship, that he is pretty much going to be the next basketball superstar, that he is kind of a big deal and every girl on campus would not mind getting together with him so that they can be WAGs (wives and girlfriends of basketball players) apart from all these things I really don’t know this dude, I can’t have his baby! What if his family has a genetic history of diabetes or scoliosis or worse cancer! I meant have had a crush on him since pretty much forever but I can’t risk that. Nope.
But why didn’t we use a condom! Why! Or maybe we did, yeah, maybe I am just being paranoid over nothing, maybe we did use protection and somehow I forgot, yeah, he seems like a responsible guy, I mean he has his bright baseball future to think about so he can’t just be out here banging chics without protection, right?
“Wake up!” I yelled, shaking him until he woke up. My life is literally crumbling around me and this dude dares to sleep?!
“What the fuck!” He yelled as he sat up, trying to adapt to the light pouring in from the curtain. His campus apartment is a lot nicer than most of the ones I have been to, most apartment had a communal bathroom down the hall but this dude has a whole bathroom completely with a heated jacuzzi all to himself. Basketball legend what?
He seemed to have finally adjusted to being awake.
“Did we use a condom?” I asked pacing the room in agitation. I placed my hand on my chest trying to get my heart to calm down.
“What?” He asked, confused much?
“Did. We. Use. A. Condom?” I asked again this time being all up in his face. He hesitated, I watched the worried lines beginning to form on his face.
“I… I don’t think so. Who the fuck are you anyway? Some sort of crazy groupie?”
Shit! Shit! Shit
YARA’S POV
“Do you like her?” I asked. We haven’t really spoken since that night, I have mostly been avoiding his call, avoiding him but I couldn’t anymore, I really can’t leave him even though I really should, even though I know how much this ‘relationship’ is destroying me, even though I know how much it has destroyed me.
I really can’t stop being the possessive, crazy bitch I am… I love him despite everything. Despite the countless times he keeps proving to me that loving him is the biggest mistake of my life.
“Why can’t you ever be mine… completely. I have done everything… everything to keep you, but… somehow… somehow you don’t seem to stay… why?” I said. Sobbed. I feel so stupid, I was so delusional to think that he would stay faithful to me, that we would be in something as sacred and sanctimonious as a monogamous relationship, I was stupid to think that he is different from other mafia king, that he gets me in a way that nobody else does, that we can be together, just the two of us no Stephanie or Cara or Maliya or Valentina or some other bitch I don’t already know of.
He looked at me with a frown.
“I would never be faithful to you Yara, it’s best you understand and accept that.” Raphael whispered into my ear after he pulled me into a hug.
I balled my hand up into a fist, felt hot blinding tears fall from my eyes before wrapping my arm around him and returning the hug.
I need to find a way out of this blinding love, I don’t know if that is possible. It is probably just easier to kill that bitch Valentina and somehow convince myself that Raphael will be mine, that she would no longer be there to take him away from me even though I know he would just move on to cheating on me with the next bitch with a hole between her legs.
***
Alcohol makes everything better, doesn’t it? That slow burn traveling down your throat, heating up your icy cold tears. My first kill, Stephanie, was the hardest, she was the only one I felt sympathetic after ending, I loved her, she loved me, she was my godmother for fucks sake, she was basically the only mother figure in my life, and… I just killed her… just like that… drops and drops of poison every single day in her morning coffee and then one day she dropped dead.
Just like that my godmother Stephanie was dead, Raphael asked for an autopsy not to be performed, he knew I was the one that did, I confessed to him because I couldn’t take the guilt anymore, it was eating me whole, he helped, he stayed with me every single night, soothed me through the nightmare.
Fucked me through the pain. We both survived the death of a woman we both adored. We both lost something… someone but that loss brought us close together. We survived that loss. Raphael and I.
The day Stephanie died… the day I killed Stephanie was the day I lost my sanity. I had lost my innocence I long time before that. First with father and his nasty grubby friend he made me ‘entertain’ every Friday night during their game of card then with Raphael and his tender but curious hands.
“Another shot and then the whole bottle.” I said to the bartender. He looked at me pitifully.
“What?! Do your fucking job!” I yelled feeling a lot irritated by the pity face he had given me. How dare he pity me! I have a lot more in my bank account than he would ever make in his pathetic lifetime! I have lived a life he can only dream of! I am more important than he would ever be! How dare he pity how pathetic I looked slumped over his bottle of tequila. I thought with tears streaming down my eyes.
“Yara, are you okay.”
“Oh Diego…” I replied going in for a hug before involuntarily puking on him and then falling asleep on his shoulder.
How pathetic can you be Yara Adeyemi?!