ALESSIA
This was the fault of our lecherous driver, Leo. One early morning, I woke up intending to review for our final exam. But I was hungry even though it was only four in the morning. So I went out of my room to look for something to eat. But as I took a few steps towards the kitchen, I heard moaning. My eyes nearly popped out when I reached the kitchen. I found our driver naked, pounding one of the maids who was holding onto the sink. Both were facing away from me. But I knew it was our young driver because I heard the maid calling him by name. I just didn’t recognize which maid was with him because I didn’t know her voice, and Leo was blocking her body.
For a few seconds, I couldn’t move. I covered my mouth to prevent any noise. After recovering from my shock, I slowly backed away and hurried back to my room. I remained motionless for a minute, still hearing the loud moans of the couple. Trying to regain my composure, I forced myself to concentrate on my review. Fortunately, I didn’t fail our exam that day.
I thought I would forget about the incident. But that wasn’t the case. Just a few days later, I caught the driver and his partner again. I was sleeping soundly that night when I suddenly woke up because I needed to pee. After using the bathroom, I felt thirsty. So I went out of my room, intending to get water from the fridge. As I reached the dining room, I noticed that the light in the kitchen was on. I opened the fridge and got a glass of water before walking towards the kitchen. I was puzzled when I heard moans but found no one in the kitchen. I glanced around, and to my surprise, I noticed the couple busy with their earthly desires right next to the large refrigerator. The fridge was in the corner of the kitchen, so I didn’t immediately notice them. But my eyes quickly caught sight of Leo vigorously pounding our maid, Eve, who was clinging to the fridge door. I couldn’t bear to watch the scene, so I quietly turned away.
I couldn’t sleep that night. I lay in my bed with my eyes closed, but sleep eluded me. The scene I witnessed in the kitchen kept replaying in my mind. Since then, I became curious about the naked body of a man. I was only thirteen at the time, still very young, but my mind was already corrupted. I often dreamed about the scene I saw. There were also many occasions when I secretly glanced at our driver when he wasn’t looking at me. He was the one who drove us to and from school. But I tried to push away the dirty thoughts. I diverted my attention to my female classmates and other transferees at school. I bullied them just to release my frustration with myself.
But everything changed when I met Jaime, my ultimate crush in the entire Crestwood University. I dreamed that he would be the one to devirginize me. But no matter how much I seduced him, nothing happened. My frustrations only increased.
To forget, I started dating. I had a series of boyfriends. But the reason for our breakups was always the same – I would slip Jaime’s name whenever they argued. I even almost got punched by one of my exes when he heard me whispering Jaime’s name. He knew Jaime.
Even in college, the same thing happened. So all I got from my exes were just kisses. None of them had the chance to put their fingers in me or even touch my breasts.
Only Claude was able to fulfill my desires. I wholeheartedly surrendered myself to my husband from the moment we got married until we separated.
My cravings were fulfilled. Claude was able to satisfy all my needs.
So it was a huge adjustment for me when we separated. I had a hard time sleeping in the first year after our separation. I longed for his presence and everything he did to my body whenever we made love.
I dreamed about him almost every night. I could do nothing but cry myself to sleep when I woke up in the middle of the night. So as the days went by, two feelings emerged in me – anger and desire. I was angry with Claude because of our separation. But I still desired him even though we didn’t see each other anymore.
I also tried to entertain suitors. But whenever I started to feel close to them, I would see Claude’s face instead. So I would call out my husband’s name, which angered the men who were trying to get close to me.
As time went by, I stopped accepting suitors and avoided any man. I am afraid that if I mistakenly called another man Claude, it might lead to my downfall.
But I still struggled every day because Claude never left my dreams. After all, the content of my dreams included what Claude and I did on the bed. I would wake up sweating and wet. That’s why I was even more angry with Claude because I couldn’t forget him, no matter what I did. Even now that we’re back together, I’m still afraid.
“Sweetpea, you’re on your thoughts! What’s on your mind?” Claude’s voice startled me, causing me to blink.
“I was thinking of you. Do you really love me?” I bravely asked.
“Hey! Why do you still have to ask me that? You already know the answer.”
I bit my lip. “But I want to hear it from you.”
“Okay. I love you so much, Sweetpea. I love you to the moon and back. I will continue to love you until the end of time.”
Tears welled up in my eyes at Claude’s declaration. I covered my mouth to stifle a sob. I wanted to believe. I wanted to hope. But I didn’t want to be hurt again. It would be my death if my husband hurt me again.
“Why are you crying, Sweetpea? Please tell me why. If you don’t want to do what we planned, let’s not continue. We’ll do it when we’re together. Get dressed. Rest and just lie down next to our son. I’ll also get dressed and go home.”
Claude suddenly disappeared from the screen. He returned after a few minutes, already dressed, appearing on the screen again.
“Hey! Sweetpea, stop crying. Our son might wake up. I’m really sorry, I should not have forced you to do this.”
I wiped my tears. I stared at Claude straight in the eyes again.
“If you really love me, prove it to me,” I challenged.
“Sure, I’ll do anything you say.”
“Really? What if I tell you that I need you now? I need your kisses and hugs. I need you by my side. What would you do?”
Claude’s eyes widened. He seemed unable to believe what I said. “You want me to be with you now?”
“Yes. Now, as in now, not later, not tomorrow, or any other day.”
Claude swallowed hard. He opened his mouth to speak but quickly closed it again. “But Sweetpea, it’s late. If I drive there now, I’ll arrive in the early morning.”
“It doesn’t matter as long as you are with me. I don’t want to wait anymore.”
Claude cursed as he ran his hand through his hair.
“Your choice, Claude. If you don’t come now, forget about us, forget about your son. We’ll leave tomorrow and go far away. You won’t see us anymore.”
“You’re just kidding me, Sweetpea. You’re not serious, right?” Claude questioned.
I shook my head forcefully. “I’m serious, Claude. I really mean it. If you don’t want to believe me, that’s up to you.”
Claude let out a sigh. I glanced at the wall clock. It is nine in the evening.
“I’ll give you five hours to get here. You should be here by two in the morning. If not, don’t bother coming anymore.”
I stood up and picked up my discarded clothes.
“Sia, don’t do this! If you don’t have mercy on me, at least think about our son. Adrian will suffer again if we separate. Please reconsider what you’re saying.”
I took a deep breath. Doubt lingered in my heart, but I had already spoken, and I didn’t want to take it back.
“It’s now or never.”
I continued dressing. Once ready, I approached the laptop again. Claude was sitting back in his swivel chair, a cell phone pressed to his ear as he glanced at his laptop screen.
“Good night, Claude!” I bid my farewell and left the chatroom. After shutting down my laptop, I returned it to the table. I grabbed the quilt and threw it on the chair before lying down beside my son.
“I’m sorry, baby. I don’t want to hurt you. But your father doesn’t deserve a second chance if he can’t prove his love for us. We’ll both cry again if he changes his mind. If we’re going to cry in the future anyway, let’s start crying now. It’s better to stop hoping for nothing, my son,” I cried softly as I caressed Adrian’s face. It pained me deeply, but I had to do it just to make sure if Claude really loved me.