CLAUDE
I didn’t want to go back to the time when I was alone every day, dreaming of having a family like my friends. Now, that dream was within reach. Once I was with my wife and my son, I wouldn’t allow us to separate again. I would overcome all obstacles and opposition just to keep us together. I wouldn’t allow anyone or anything to separate me from my wife and son.
I also needed to think of a way to quickly win back my wife. I missed her terribly. Earlier, when I held her hand, a tingling sensation ran through my entire body. It felt like I was being electrocuted by her touch. I felt like I was burning from her warm hand.
If our skins had remained in contact for a few more minutes, I may had forgotten myself. I may had been unable to control myself. I may had leaned my wife against the nearest wall and showered her with kisses.
My body had been longing for her for years now. No other woman could satisfy me. My body yearned for the softness of my wife’s body. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. Before, I would have pursued any woman. But when Sia left me, I couldn’t bring myself to find another. I only wanted my wife’s body.
So now that we had seen each other again, my dormant desire suddenly revived. I thought it had disappeared. I thought I had lost interest and didn’t need it anymore. But my wife had just taken it away. Now that she was back, my desire for her body also returned.
Shit! When would I be able to shower my wife with affection? I could already imagine all the things I could do to Sia once we were back together. I wanted to do everything to her just like we used to. I just hoped my body hadn’t rusted. Maybe later, I would only be able to think and speak about it because I wouldn’t be able to do it anymore. I hadn’t practiced in the past five years. Maybe my wife would scold me later for not satisfying her in bed.
I probably need to prepare my own body first. What could I do? How could I condition myself? I only use my hands when I remember my wife and get excited. My hands are the only ones I practiced with. But my mouth and my organ had both taken a real break. Maybe I could just watch porn. That might help me. Then I could think of my wife while playing with my organ. That might be considered practice.
Well, satisfying Sia didn’t have to be limited to the bedroom. There were so many other ways to make her happy. There were other ways to show her my love and make her felt it. Yes, I admitted that I loved my wife. Trust me, each time that I denied that in the past, was equivalent to the actuall amount of love that added on it.
It took Sia leaving me for me to realize that I loved her. They were right when they said that you only realize a person’s worth when they’re gone. I only realized how important my wife was to my life when she left.
If Sia had suffered a lot ever since she left me, I also had my fair share of sufferings. Those lonely cold nights, those moment when I longed for her scent. I could never forget those silent cries while regretting everything; and the reality when it hit me, that Sia was the one. I let her go. No, as a matter of fact, I forced her to do so.
How big of a fool was I to have felt lost when I lost her, when all I wanted was to to get rid of her before? When the time came that I started missing her, she was gone already. Why was it so hard for me to accept that she made me happy? Her absence had just proven how irreplaceable she was, and I could never find the same satisfaction and the happiness, which she was giving me, from any other woman.
I didn’t believe my friends back then. I thought I didn’t need Sia anymore. It turns out I would miss her too. I was half a fool and an idiot because the person I hurt was the one my heart would love. Why didn’t I think of that? Maybe I was numb back then. I blinded myself with the belief that no woman deserved my love. I convinced myself that forever wasn’t real. I also didn’t believe in the sanctity of marriage.
I thought Cupid’s arrow usually hit the wrong people. Whoever brought Sia to me; fate, agreement, destiny, or Cupid himself, it was just so accurately right. My peers were right about all the things they said when it comes to love. Unexpectedly, I had no power over my heart. It chose who it chose. I thought I was just going to spend the rest of my life seeking woman after another, but Sia.
Now I realized that no matter how intelligent a person is, he could still be foolish when it comes to love. That was exactly what happened to me. I had such high regard for myself that I thought no woman was suitable for me. That was my biggest mistake. So, I paid for it for several years. Luckily, I was being given a chance to fix my fate now.
But I was still worrying about myself. I was nervous last week when I was with my wife and my child every day. I worried about myself because my desire for Sia intensified when I spent time with her. I’m afraid that my desire might get out of control and I might do something unpleasant to my wife. She would surely be even more upset if that happened.
It’s a good thing that she was living away, some couple of miles from me. I would just find it even harder to see her every dayz to think of this burning desire I had for her inside. Even though I would miss her a lot, I would just have to endure it for now. It’s better this way because I would be far from temptation. I won’t have a hard time resisting the desire I feel for her.
I would just wait for the day when my wife would approach me on her own or give me a reason. I would definitely seize that opportunity right away and I would not let it pass. But the question was, when would that happen? Hopefully soon. Maybe I will not be able to hold back in the coming days. If Sia was testing my sincerity and authenticity this time around, then I would be honored to prove to her why I deserve another shot of being her husband.