ALESSIA
Even the cab driver seemed to be enthralled by the fact that he was pulling over right in front of this multi-million-dollar mansion. He even got the guts to ask me if I was actually living there. I just nodded as I thanked him for bringing me home safely.
This house was so huge for such a small number of occupants. Every detail was well thought of, I had to remind myself that the Robinsons were the owners of Artisan Furnitures, needless to say that they had such an exquisite taste for style and aesthetic.
“Sia, my dear, you look troubled, is everything alright?” If there was one thing that I consider as a prime consolation of my decision, that was the fact that I was receiving such motherly love and care from my mother-in-law.
She then glanced at the door, as if waiting for another person to pass through. “Where is Claude?”
Before I could answer, the frustration I felt for waiting for too long for my husband had started rushing back to my senses. I was feeling ready to tell Mom that Claude didn’t pick me up because he was with someone else.
“He told me he had a very important thing to attend to.” I replied. I also told her that I was trying to call her, but to an unknown reason, my call just would not go through.
“Oh, I am sorry, my dear. I don’t understand why Claude had to prioritize something else over his wife.” She put his right palm on my left cheek, and guided me towards the couch.
“We have people in the company who could do the job, he doesn’t need to be there all the time. I told him his priority now is you more than anything else. I am sure your dad will not like it.”
I took her hand and I assured her that everything was fine. I did not feel like I had to be driven to and picked up from school on a daily basis. I also didn’t like the idea of my husband setting aside his career for me. Had I not known about the real reasons why my husband did not pick me up today, I would have felt proud that I got married with such a career-oriented man.
“Claude’s father is different. He would leave everything behind for me. Whenever I get sick, even if we have nurses and maids at home, he would choose to take care of me instead of going to work.”
I wanted to tell her how lucky she was for being married to Donnie. I guessed her story was the exact opposite of mine.
I could only wish for Claude to treat me the way his dad treated his mother.
“I honestly don’t like for Claude to invest so much time and attention on me, Mom. I am still aware of the agreement. I should not forget that this marriage can only last for so long.” I calmly told her.
I could see the sadness that was starting to paint on her face. “I don’t want you to think that you are only here for the agreement, Sia. I could not think of anyone else to be my daughter-in-law than you.”
There was a spark of joy in my heart after hearing Lavinia’s words. She continued to tell me about her hopes of me and Claude falling in love with each other eventually.
She told me that their family did not believe in Divorce, and neither did I. I also grew up witnessing the marriage of my parents, and I could not recall any moment that they took a break from each other.
“Don’t you like our son, Sia?” The tone in her voice felt as if she was begging me to like her son.
I told her that the best part of being married to his son was having them as parents-in-law. She smiled upon hearing me saying that. “I’d be very happy if you two could work on your marriage. I know Claude is a difficult man, but I could see that there is nothing not to like about you.”
I hugged her without a word. I just wanted her to feel how much I appreciated her. Not every girl had the opportunity to be taken whole heartedly by her husband’s family, while in my case, I was already being loved by everyone as if I were their own
I asked myself, what if one morning I just woke up feeling madly in love with Claude? It seemed like I wouldn’t be happy because he didn’t love me. Our relationship would just be one-sided if that happened. Was I ready for that kind of setup?
If I did end up loving him, could I tolerate Claude’s bad behavior? Could I endure his cold treatment? Could I stay with him even though I knew he was unlikely to love me?
Was there really a love potion to make someone fall in love? I wish there really was, so I could use it on Claude. But it seemed wrong to force someone, especially when it came to feelings. I knew that love shouldn’t be forced, just like respect that shouldn’t be demanded. It should be earned. The question was, could my husband learn to love me if he preferred a different type of woman? How do I make a man fall in love?
I have a huge understanding about loving someone; it takes acceptance, sacrifices, and a lot of forgiveness. Acceptance never seemed easy, especially the way my husband was treating me. What more with sacrifices? How much more sacrifice do I need to give? Forgiveness? I knew that Claude was capable of hurting me, and I meant in all forms, but I didn’t think I was ready for anything that could torture my whole being.
I started assessing my feelings with Claude. If I really felt nothing, why did I feel upset upon learning that he was with someone else?
I remember a topic from my psych class about Stockholm Syndrome. You know when a hostage falls in love with its captor. This could not be it, I had to convince myself that feeling that way was too early, at least for me.
What if I try? What if Lavinia’s right? I had a year to make him fall in love with me. What would happen if I fell for him first, would I be at the losing end? Again?
I had tried that once when I was younger. I did it with Jaime. The bad thing was, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make him fall for me. He still chose Nienna and loved her. All my efforts were in vain. That’s why I didn’t want to try again. I didn’t want to go through that situation again. It’s bad for my emotions. It’s hard to move on.
Until now, I still couldn’t forget him. I often thought about him. If I were to be honest with myself, I would admit that I still loved him until now. I just didn’t want to tell anyone. I didn’t want it to reach Jaime or even Nienna. They might think I was still disturbing their relationship even though we hadn’t seen each other for a long time.
I actually wanted to forget everything about Jaime. I struggled because the saying “First love never dies” rang true for me. But I hoped that I would eventually forget him. I even hoped that Claude would help me forget. However, when I thought about it carefully, it seemed unlikely. If I were to learn to love him, our relationship as a married couple might just end up like what happened between me and Jaime. It would be like I was the only one loving, without any reciprocation. It would be like one-way traffic. It only occurred to me now that perhaps that was the main reason why I didn’t want to fall for Claude.
I had been hurt once, so I didn’t want to repeat it. I had been foolish with Jaime before. That’s why I didn’t want to be foolish with Claude, even though he was my husband. I would still end up losing in the end. I would only get hurt if I fell for him. I was sure he wouldn’t love me. There was more chance of him having an affair and using me than loving me as his wife. So, I had to suppress my feelings because I might break down completely if we eventually separated. The situation I got myself into was really difficult. I was already struggling now, so how much more if it continued?