The orphanage was a cold and cruel place that showed her girls only survived by becoming fearless and tough. The children only survived by learning never to let anyone let them down again. Self-reliance, keeping people at arm’s length, and learning to fight to protect yourself because no one else would do that for you. The only light in that situation was that she was still in the same city, and they allowed her to bus it to school every day so she wouldn’t lose her friends either. Ling had taken an hour-long trip daily to ensure she still saw her two girls from the age of nine.
There was a long silence as they absorbed it, and Ling finally broke the eerie quiet.
“Doubtful,” Suying muttered, then dodged a friendly slap to her forehead.
“What do I reply?” Meilei’s attention had finally been dragged back to the open text on her cell, and she stared at it. A pang of longing made her heart and chest ache just seeing the concern and care in his message. She wished his attention didn’t always give her an equal sense of dread and panic.
“Ask him for time to think and process. Tell him you’re fine and will see him in a few days before your Saturday family date. The two of you should meet and talk before you take Yuelin anywhere. Otherwise, the atmosphere will be weird, and she will feel it.” Ling was back in mama mode and being the logical one.
“Yeah, ask him for a few days to process this and then see him on Friday after work. I’ll pick up Yuelin and take her out for pizza.” Suying was also on the side of hoping Meilei could find healing and happiness again, and after falling in love with his cousin, she no longer saw Kai as undeserving. They already had a child they both adored, and love lingered between them. The past was past, and Suying believed in second chances.
“Okay.” Meilei’s hand shook as she picked up her cell, glad of being told by bossy Ling what to do, and began composing the text that made her feel slightly nauseous and very anxious.
“Thanks for meeting me like this. Away from Yuelin, I mean, just the two of us.” Kai was nervous, his palms sweaty as he slid onto the couch, trying not to be too obvious in looking around the small, cozy room. He had never been inside Meilei’s apartment properly when collecting Yuelin, just the foyer area and the start of the lounge when he was more focused on Yue than the decor. It was weird to be welcomed in and led to this bright space that, despite the shabbiness of the building outside, in here felt like a warm home. The women had made this a welcoming haven. He could see why she still rejected his insistence that they move when he was faced with all the memories tied up here.
“Coffee?” Meilei was nervous too. She hadn’t slept all night and had been fidgety and distracted at work all day, knowing they were meeting for this conversation, and she had almost canceled several times. She was afraid and uptight even though she knew he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. She owed him nothing, and he did not even know the purpose of this beyond talking.
“Ahhh, sure. Shall I help?” Kai was swiftly back to his feet; the awkwardness and the sense of being alone in the apartment seemed loud and ominous. Meilei had been alone with him before, but this felt loaded and different, and she didn’t know how to act.
She shook her head, aiming for the open-plan small kitchen nearby, and could sense him following at a distance to stand nearby while she tended to the coffee maker. Unsure what to say now he was here.
Kai could sense the apprehension and figured ripping off the bandaid was probably the best thing he could do for them.
He was stammering, all confidence gone, and sounded like that tongue-tied young bro who had fallen for her so fast in their past. It stirred up a warm, nervy feeling and memory for her that no longer caused her heart-splicing pain and regret.
Meilei paused mid-coffee bean scoop and swallowed hard. Her hand shook, and her saliva dried like it was being speed-baked on a Saharan stone.
“So you think you might still have feelings, even if they are buried and small, but might have a chance to grow?” he prayed, and that’s what she meant. “So it’s not a no, it’s a see how we go?”
Meilei released a long, slow breath to calm her growing nerves and tried to keep her racing heart still.
Kai was sucker punched in the gut by the admission, his surge of aching pain making it hard for him to formulate words even though it was a good thing. He had to swallow hard and grasp at seeming calm and pulled together so as not to pressure her.
Meilei stood transfixed, staring at the spoon in her hand, and her lip began to tremble. The flood of emotion rose from her toes and warmth as it seeped up her limbs. An aching internal vibration of sorrow yet joy, longing yet fear gripped her stomach and tied it in knots, pushing her eyes to mist over and her throat to construct. She was unaware of the obvious tremble of her body or how she began to sag as tears welled to the point of eruption.
This has been days of brewing it up. Turning and churning over his confession of love and shakily having to evaluate her fragile heart and how much of it had never been freed by him. Having him here like this. Kai of the past and present colliding, she couldn’t hold it any longer. Her heart wanted to be free of everything they had suffered.
Kai didn’t hesitate when he saw her crumble. He pulled her into his arms, turning her with a swift motion to cradle her face against his chest, wrapped her in the cocoon of his body, and squeezed her tight. Sliding his chin on top of her head, he gently swayed her with him and ran one palm down her hair to smooth and soothe her. An affectionate caress so familiar to the past.
Meilei, lost in his embrace and this sudden breaking of a damn she did not know she had been holding for years, shattered completely. The sobs unleashed, her body vibrating with the agony of everything she had tried to hold in for five years. The anguish, loneliness, the betrayal, the hurt, and the complete mental destruction of her soul. She cried, burying her face in his shirt, unashamed by the showing of everything she once hid in the shadows.
Kai held her, stroked her hair, and stood for long minutes, sensing her need to offload their past misery, and had to hold back his own tears. Trying to be strong for her and understanding why she had to do this. He had done it too, after he learned the truth about San. In the safety of his apartment with his best friend as the comforter. He knew how this felt. Letting go of it all and the sorrow would make her feel lighter. He was just grateful she trusted him enough now to be the one she did it with. To let him hold her as she crumbled.
Kai nodded. Knowing the only thing he should be doing was being what she needed. Listen, accept all her accusations, and hold her.
Her words stilled, silenced his gentle coaxing, and hit him like a spear to the chest at speed. The whack of impact was followed by the burning agony of being pierced.
“What?” it was one thing Tian had never told him, and Kai was learning it for the first time. Winded by something he had not even considered was a possibility. She had been so full of life; even though she was meek at times, she had quiet strength. She wasn’t someone he thought would fall so far into despair, but he also hadn’t seen her innocence back then.