Sophia’s POV:
AT DR. AMELIA’S OFFICE
The driver slowly pulled up to the building.
Daisy paid him and we both stepped out of the car.
But something felt off as soon as we got to the lobby. It felt like everyone was staring-more like glaring at me.
“You’re being ridiculous, Sophia,” I muttered to myself.
But I quickly realised I wasn’t imagining the glares while we got to the elevator, waiting for its doors to open.
Two young girls glared at me, not bothering to look away when I caught them. In fact, one scrunched up her nose in disgust and they both walked away.
Weird…
I grabbed Daisy’s arm, pulling her closer to me so I could whisper to her. “Uhmm, is it just me or like everyone’s looking at me weird?
An expression flashed on her face but it left as fast as it came before I could decipher it. “Huh? No way, I think you’re just anxious,” she said.
“Okay but does that explain why those two who just left kept glaring at me like I threatened to have puppies for dinner?”
Daisy snorts as she tugs on my arm. “C’mon, you’re being paranoid.” We both stepped into the elevator while I tried to push out the weird feelings.
I glance at Dr. Amelia’s door as a sigh escapes me. I don’t know why I have to do this and why they feel like I should.
I stood and walked into the office.
“Hi,” I greeted Dr. Amelia once I’d shut the door behind me. “It’s been long.” Yep, been a long since I ditched therapy and decided it was best to keep seeing Ivan.
Dr. Amelia flashes me a warm smile. “Yes, Ms. Sophia. Please take a seat.” She gestured to the chair across from her. “I tried calling sometimes,” she continued once I was seated. “But it kept going to voicemail.”
My neck heats up as embarrassment and guilt gnaw me. “Uh… about that. I’m sorry, I-I just didn’t see the need for our meeting anymore.”
She hums thoughtfully. “And why is that?”
I exhaled harshly as I thought of the right way to explain how things went down after I’d stopped coming here. Better to just rip off the band-aid, right?
Right. “I kept having sex with Ivan,” I blurted out, avoiding her gaze. “And somehow I realised that I’d developed feelings for him. I, uhm… you were right… I wasn’t suffering from Stockholm Syndrome,” I muttered, toying with the hem of my silky top like it was the most fascinating thing.
I don’t know why, but talking about my feelings for Ivan makes me nervous and embarrassed. Maybe it’s because I know it’s messed up, the guy kidnapped me, killed people and took my father’s company. So, yeah, it’s nuts. And I wish I didn’t feel this way for him, I wish I could stop it but I feel it grow stronger every day. At least, my head still keeps me hanging onto the last thread of sanity-
“…you know, you don’t have to be embarrassed, especially not with me,” her kind, warm voice cuts through my thoughts. “I don’t judge and as a therapist, I’ve heard all kinds of stories. And I understand why you must feel that way for loving him. He’s morally wrong for you or anyone, but there must be some good part of him that you know about or maybe you don’t but your heart does and that is why it is drawn to him.”
Her words somehow calmed my nerves, they made me realize that maybe, just maybe, my feelings for Ivan weren’t as fucked up as I thought. And that’s why the words left my lips freely before I could stop myself. “I’ve fallen in love with him. It’s more than just feelings,” I whispered.
Dr. Amelia was quiet for a few seconds before she reached out, and took one of my hands in hers as she offered me a warm smile. “How do you feel about that?” She asks, surprising me.
“Er… confused, scared, sometimes… happy. I dunno,” I replied honestly.
“And why is that?” She asks.
Deciding to open up more and just let her in on everything, I spoke up, ignoring the way my chest hurt. “Because Ivan is Ivan. I haven’t admitted this to anyone, hell, I haven’t even admitted this to myself. But I want him to love me back, to claim me, to at least be in a relationship with me, but I know that’s not possible.”
“It’s not possible, how? Because of who he is?” She asked softly.
“That and Ivan don’t do feelings or relationships. He’s just enjoying the sex, that is all,” I croaked, tears blurring my vision as my words sank deeper.
I’d gotten myself into this mess of unrequited love in the first place. I knew almost everything about him, yet I let myself fall for him and now it hurts more than I’d like to admit. I’m torn between my morals and wanting him for myself.
I know Dr. Amelia said there must be some good in him and that’s why I love him. But my friends… what would they think of it if Ivan and I got in a relationship, yes they took it well when they realised I am in love with him but what happens when they find out that I wanted him to be mine and mine alone?
“… stop beating yourself up about it, Sophia,” Dr Amelia said softly and I looked up to meet her warm gaze. “I could tell you were struggling with what all these mean in your head. But it will be fine, trust me.”
A tear slipped free at her words. Fuck, I’m pathetic.
She squeezed my hand gently. “Have you spoken to Ivan about any of this? How can you be sure he doesn’t have feelings for you or care for you even just a little bit?”
She has a point, but… “No, I could never tell Ivan about my feelings, that would be embarrassing, I can’t see that going well for me. No way.” I shook my head.
Just then the timer went off, signalling our session to be over.
“Shit, we didn’t talk about why I’m here today,” I said.
She let go of my hand and waved it off. “It’s fine, we have more sessions, we could talk about it next time. I’m glad you could open up to me, that’s a good sign, Sophia.” She smiled warmly.
I smiled back as I stood to leave and it wasn’t until then I realised how full my bladder was and the pressing need to relieve myself. Outside in the lobby, Daisy sat waiting for me, as soon as she spotted me, she stood and walked toward me.
“What’s babes, how did it go?” She asked.
“Went well, I guess? I’ll be right back, I need to pee,” I said to her, walking away to the nearest toilet before I could hear her reply.
Three minutes later, I finished my business and walked to the wash sink to clean my hands. I glanced at the brunette already at the wash sink drying her hands and I offered her a small smile but she scoffed.
Bad temper, okay…
I ignored her, focusing on washing my hands.
Just before she left, she turned back, glaring at me. “You know, you’re quite shameless. Walking around freely, going for therapy after you hurt Lord Harry the way you did. Disgusting!” She spat, slamming the door behind her and leaving me stunned.
What was that about? Who is she? Hurt Harry… how?