Lillian’s POV
“You know you don’t have to do that,” Jace said softly in my room.
I looked at him, then sighed. Since yesterday, he looked low and sad for some reason. Was it because we went to see Leah? When Ridge took over and we got to spend some time together, I felt very happy. When he left for his office, I thought everything was going well, but then the next day Jace came to greet me and he seemed rather unhappy.
“I know, but I absolutely want to,” I answered with a smile.
I wanted to do something to cheer him up, so when Flora came to ask me for help in looking after a few orphan pups who were going through a hard time, I agreed without a second thought.
“Won’t that tire you quickly?” He asked.
I sighed loudly and then turned to face him.
He was sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and his arms folded.
“I know that you are concerned for me, but believe me when I say I’m really okay with helping out. Moreover, I love pups a lot and when I was growing up, I couldn’t help but daydream of ours…”
I cut my sentence short and quickly moved my hand to my mouth when it dawned on me that I was about to confess something serious.
“Oh dear, why did I say something like that so easily? Was I coming off as being desperate to our mate?” I asked Maila silently, who was annoyed at how friendly I was towards our mate.
He dropped his hands and then smiled widely.
“I’m glad to hear that you looked forward to bearing our pups,” he said as I swallowed hard.
I wanted to tell him no and call him delusional for thinking like that, but sadly, I didn’t want to hurt him, and my wolf and I really did think about it in the past. Just that thought made us happy. We seriously wanted to carry his pups and we looked forward to bringing him happiness.
“Stop talking like that, Alpha. Things are different,” I whispered sadly.
He stood up and walked over to where I was, and I nervously took a few steps back, hitting the wall. He stood in front of me and then leaned in with a smile. I tensed when he raised his hand and began caressing my cheek gently.
I swallowed hard and tried to keep my composure, hoping that my facial expression wasn’t betraying me.
“I know this may come off as hush words to you, but do not easily let someone who has badly hurt you in the past or present touch you in an intimate way. I know that you are kind and understanding, but I want to atone for what I did. Even now, I can’t make love to you no matter how much I want to because I feel bad for how I treated you. To be honest, I have no right to be happy having you in my arms,” he said as I slapped his hand away from my cheek.
“You know what, you are right. I guess I was being too weak. So, Alpha, please do see yourself out,” I answered as he frowned deeply.
His words were truly harsh and hurtful. Was he calling me easy just because I was okay with him hugging and caressing my face?
“Lillian, I’m sorry if I have offended you in any way. I didn’t want to anger you at all, I just thought of telling the truth and that is …”
“Get out of my room, Jace,” I said with emphasis, cutting him off.
He sighed heavily and then turned to walk out when he stopped out of nowhere.
“Did you not hear me?” I asked loudly.
“He’s truly an idiot, don’t you think?” He asked in a deeper husky voice.
“Ridge,” I called softly.
“Don’t pay attention to whatever he said,” he answered and then turned and faced me with a smile.
“Why did you take over?” I asked seriously.
My heart was aching badly, and I hated it.
“Come here,” he said when he spread his arms wide.
“No,” I told myself silently, but my body couldn’t stay still.
I instantly moved and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Ridge,” I called softly when he wrapped his arms around me.
“Do I look desperate to mate? Am I so stupid and dumb for not mistreating you?” I asked with a heavy heart.
“No, you don’t look desperate to mate, and no, you aren’t stupid or dumb, we are. I was actually very happy to hear that you wanted to be a mother someday. You looking forward to carrying our pups in the past shows me how much you loved us,” he answered.
I pulled back and looked at him seriously.
He was just so different from Jace, and whenever he spoke to me, I felt very much at peace and relieved.
He leaned in, and he was about to kiss me when a knock interrupted us.
“Come on in,” he answered without stepping away from me.
The door opened, and Paul walked in.
“Alpha, pardon me, but I have something important to discuss with you. Can we talk in private?” he asked in a low tone.
“Whatever you want to say or discuss with me, you can do it here. My mate is not only the Luna of this pack, but she’s an Alpha too. She has all the rights to hear whatever you are about to say,” he answered, making my heart flutter.
I smiled softly and then linked my hand to his.
“Fine,” Paul whispered.
“Alpha, I know how upset you are with Miss Leah, but please do consider her situation. She’s not in a condition to be punished brutally,” he said as my heart began to beat rapidly.
I was so scared, and I wanted to run away to avoid listening to the actual reason he was talking about. Was she perhaps pregnant for him?
Some pack members used to spread information in the past about how she-wolves couldn’t bear another male’s pup unless it was their mate. This information was proven false because over time, those werewolves that got together did bear pups. It was hard but very possible when they mated on the night of the full moon.
“What exactly are you talking about? What do you mean?” He asked as I quickly pulled my hand away and moved to go out.
“Lillian, stay,” Ridge said loudly and then moved and grabbed my hand.
I faced him with blurred vision as I shook my head.
I didn’t want to hear anything; I was very scared.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered and then dropped my hand.
I quickly rushed out of the room with tears running down my cheeks.
It was over.
It was definitely over between us.
If she were pregnant, then both Ridge and Jace were going to accept the pup. They were going to treat her like a princess, and she was going to have total control over their hearts. I was going to go through the same hell of seeing them be happy right in front of me.
I couldn’t stop myself from sobbing as I walked out of the pack house and ran towards the woods.
“Lillian,” Maila called softly when I stood still, crying loudly.
“I wished to be the mother of his unborn pups, not her. We both know our kind is rarely sick, so her being sick is out of the question. The only thing I could think of is her carrying his pups! Why does she get to be happy after all she had done to us? Why does she have to steal his firsts and make me suffer? I know I won’t be his first in most things, but I wanted to be his last! I want to be the only one who gives him a family!” I yelled loudly as my wolf whimpered.
“And you will,” came Ridge’s voice through the pack’s mind-link.
I quickly turned and watched him approach me. He was breathing heavily and looked like he had been running and searching for me.
I wanted to run away, but my wolf growled at me in warning.
When he stood in front of me, he went down on one knee and grabbed my hands.
“Lillian, I don’t know how I can convince you, but you are our one and only mate no matter what. We choose you, and we will still do the same in the future,” he said softly.
I pulled my hands back and then turned to face the other side as tears continued to fall.
He stood up and embraced me from behind.
“Next time you feel this way, please don’t hold back on telling me everything that’s bothering you. Jace and Leah were in a sexual relationship, but there was never a day he touched her when she went into heat the night of the full moon. Moreover, he always used protection and made sure she took contraceptives, so there was no way she would carry our pup,” he said as I quickly turned and faced him.
Was he telling the truth? Hearing that was awful, but it also made me feel relieved.
“I am not lying. What Paul meant to say was that Leah was bleeding out and that she was slowly dying. The wounds I had inflicted on her were a little severe, and the silver chains around her are making it hard for her to fully heal. So yes, he came to ask for pardon on her behalf,” he said as I sighed softly.
“On the other hand, I desperately want you to go into heat on the night of the full moon. That way, I can hold and knot you to my heart’s content. I will make sure you carry our seed and birth our pups safely, so you won’t think of either running away or leaving us,” he said as I felt my cheeks heat up.
How did he know that I wanted to run away and leave everything behind when she was pregnant with his child? Moreover, I had a problem, and it was no secret. There was never a day I had ever gone into heat, maybe because my wolf had a late awakening as an Alpha.
“Now then, shall we return?” He asked and then extended his hand to me.
I wanted to grab it but stopped myself.
Was I supposed to point out how I didn’t go into heat? Did tha
t mean it was going to be hard for me to conceive?
“Lillian,” he called softly.
“Yes, let’s go back,” I answered and then linked my hand to his.