Jace’s POV
I quickly shifted into my human form and began looking around.
“Lillian!” I called out in a cracked voice as I walked further at the edge, with labored breath.
She couldn’t swim, that I knew because I overheard her talk to an elderly woman about one of her fears. Back then, I thought it was something foolish and weak a she-wolf would say, but now I was terrified by that thought.
“Lillian, please answer me! If you do, I swear to the moon goddess I won’t harm you in any way. I just want to see that you are safe, please,” I begged, then tensed when her scent reached my nose.
I quickly rushed ahead and saw her body lying near the edge where a huge cut tree had fallen a few days ago. Half of her body was resting in the water while the other half was resting on the side of the tree.
“No,” I whispered and ran ahead, instantly jumping into the river and grabbing her body, pulling it into my arms.
I was sniffing and trying to hold back my tears while I swam back to land. Once she was laid on the ground, I looked at her helplessly, tears running down my cheeks.
My body was trembling, and my wolf was whimpering loudly. I felt nauseous, and my headache was throbbing badly.
“She’s fine,” I said to myself in a cracked voice as I raised my hand and placed it on her chest, tears continuing to roll down my cheeks.
“Alpha!” Harvey called when he reached where I was.
I looked at him with blurry vision, then back at my mate.
“Why?” I whispered in a cracked voice.
“Why can’t I hear her heartbeat, Harvey?” I asked with a heavy heart, then moved my hand to my chest as I felt like I was suffocating.
My throat was closing up, and my body was in pain.
“Alpha,” he called, then took a few steps closer and stopped when I growled at him.
Why couldn’t he see how she wanted to be left all alone? She didn’t want anyone to be with her; she was tired and now she was resting.
I slowly leaned in and gathered her in my arms. As I forced myself to my feet, I smiled because she obviously wanted to see me smile at her.
“I know you are tired,” I whispered to her and then began to walk back to the pack house.
I heard nothing and relied on my sense of smell as my eyes were very blurry.
The closer I got to the pack house, the more painful each step was for me.
“We will be in our room pretty soon, so please bear with me,” I whispered to her and then walked into the pack house and went straight to my bedroom.
I closed my eyes for a second, opened them, and looked at the bed, which was nicely made.
When images of me embracing Leah came flooding into my mind, I took a deep breath to stop myself from throwing up.
I was not only disgusted by myself but by my own actions in the past.
I moved closer and leaned in, putting her on the bed with an apologetic look.
“Please bear with me just this once because you don’t deserve to lie down where anyone has,” I whispered and then carefully moved her with one of my hands, while I grabbed the bedsheets with my other hand, pulling them from underneath her.
I threw them down as I looked at my desk that was close to an open window.
“Burning them down would be alright, what do you think?” I asked softly, then shifted and moved forward, brushing my hand against her pale white cheeks.
“I know you don’t deserve to even be in here,” I whispered after I had lifted her up in my arms and walked out of the room.
That bedroom was out of the question. She needed to rest in the spare bedroom, which I usually used whenever I wanted to be alone.
The room was like my sacred sanctuary. No one walked in there without my permission, and no woman or she-wolf had ever entered or seen what the inside looked like.
I went there and carefully put her on the bed.
“Wait for me here, please. I won’t take long, I promise,” I said, then groaned and moved my hand to my forehead.
My headache was slowly becoming unbearable.
“I need to do this for her,” I whispered when I dropped my hand and walked out of the room.
My wolf was quiet, and I couldn’t feel him anymore after his pained howls. I had no idea why when our mate was right there with us.
I went back into my bedroom and marched to my desk, opening the first drawer.
I went through the things there quickly, trying to find a lighter. When a minute went by, I began to panic.
I wasn’t supposed to be far away from my mate. Something bad could happen to her yet again, and this time she would leave me!
“Where is it?” I asked in a cracked voice, then sighed in relief when the lighter came into view.
I quickly grabbed it and moved to the corner where a table of spirit was.
I looked at the full bottle, wondering if it would be enough to light the whole room up.
“It better work,” I whispered and then moved to the sheets which were on the floor.
I opened the bottle and poured some on them, then moved to the bed and did the same. After I was satisfied, I moved to the wardrobe and pulled it open.
The clothes in there were the clothes I had worn when I was with Leah. They were not something I could ever wear again because my mate would be upset and hurt having to remember what I used to do.
I moved the lighter in one hand where the bottle was and then grabbed the clothes and began throwing them down from the hangwire. Once I was done, I poured the liquid on them carefully and threw the bottle down, not minding the noise it made shattering.
I looked at the lighter, which was now turned on, and then at the clothes.
“It’s worth it because it’s all for her,” I whispered when I threw the lighter there and took a few steps back as fire began to spread.
I was about to move again when I felt a ringing sound in my ear and a piercing headache that made me fall down to my knees and scream out in pain.
I couldn’t see anything anymore, and my throat was closing up. I was about to try and stand but completely fell to the ground as darkness consumed me.