I plopped my head on the pillow and stared up, seeing nothing. But from the corner of my eyes, I could see Christian pulling a chair from the side, to sit in front of me, so he wouldn’t have to sit on the bed and risk touching me.
I didn’t mind being touched when I was angry or hurt, he on the other hand, he eyes it. Hated the feel of someone trying to soothe him when he was feeling low.
As if he deserved to feel low, as if you were disrespecting him, as if you hated him and didn’t want to give him the luxury of being angry.
He would let me touch him them, but he would stop me anytime I said I was sorry.
“I was so scared. I thought you had gone some where far”
“The sea isn’t far away?” I asked amused and bitter. “Thank you for telling me. Maybe next time I’ll make an effort to really go far”
“You know that was not that I meant”
I scoffed.
“And there’s no where you’ll go that would ever be too far for my reach ”
I almost smiled, I had to make a great effort and then remind myself that I was angry at him and we were having a fight.
“Why are you here?”
Because I love you and I want us to talk about what happened”
“I came here to get away from you” I snapped.
He was quiet, the entire place was too quiet. As if everyone had disappeared from the ship and it was just the both of us. That was how it always was when we were alone together, the entire world stopped.
I turned to the door to see that Klyee left, she had slipped out quietly.
“Please forgive me”
“Christian.. I don’t… I can’t…”
“Jenna…. No” he said standing up from his chair to walk to me but then he sat back down.
He looked scared of my next words, he turned to the door as if he was planning to escape.
“I should have told you before leaving but how could I?” He said, his voice was high. “I could not stand to see the leftovers from what Greene and Harrison did you to. It crushed me that I failed to protect you. And Talia… She and Lora were threats and I needed to put them away. I should have told you before leaving ”
“Did you have sex with her?” I blurted out, immediately the words left my mouth, my eyelids seemed to swell with shame but it was only my eyes dilating.
“No. No” this time he stood and he came for me, he held my face in his hands.
“I would never do that to you”
I felt relieved.
“Promise?” I asked, the corners of my lips bent downwards and my shoulders shook due to the cry I was holding back.
“Oh baby.. I would never do that to do. O would never” he hugged me tight and I closed my eyes, the tears still passed through.
I pulled out of the hug and he had a question but he wouldn’t ask.
“What is it?” I asked cleaning my tears with the edge of the comforter but more replaced them.
“Did you sleep with Jay?” He asked quickly as if he wanted to get everything out of his tongue in one sentence, scared that if he was too slow he would stop midway and never ask again.
“No” I said with a frown.
“Thank you”
I hated when we fought and yet I hated the fact that we always came together so quickly, as if our fight was no significant. So that was it.
The entire charade has ended?
“Talia is beautiful” I found myself saying.
He raised his head up and looked at me suspiciously, as if he didn’t know where I was going with the conversation.
He chose to say nothing.
“Lora also.. the both of them have really curvy and sexy bodies”
“Baby, where are you going with this?” He asked, agitated.
“How many were they?”
He shook his head, as if he didn’t keep count but when he was silent, I understood that he was trying to tell me that he wouldn’t tell me.
I frowned.
“You won’t tell me?” My tone was bitter once again.
“You’re getting angry at me once again ” he said calmly.
“Who said I stopped?” I snapped.
I was only trying to be cruel.
“Don’t ” he said as I tried to climb down the bed. He was warning me, his tone flat but cold enough for me to fear it.
I halted, one was on the floor and my knew was on the bed.
“No. I will leave because I want to” I said pulling my top down to cover my exposed belly that he was staring at because there was a dark patch left from Harrison’s belt.
“I changed them every six months ” he blurted out as I was about tow walk through the cabin door.
“Unless sometimes, I terminated the contract with them, but it rarely happened”
“Do how many were they?”
“I had about two every year for eight years”
“So that is roughly sixteen”
He was quiet.
“Are the other fourteen going to come for me?”
“No, I’ve made sure of that” he said quickly.
“Were they all pretty like Talia and Lora?” I asked.
“Probably ” he said.
I looked down at the floor.
“It is all in my past, you’re my future now”
“They were sixteen of them, or more” I repeated.
He was quiet.
“How could you easily just forget about them when six months ended?”
“They didn’t mean anything to me in the first place. There was a contract, a business”
“Was that why you were so angry why I rejected you, because it would have been easier if it was a contract ”
“Jesus. Where all these thoughts coming from ”
“No, don’t come to me, stay in your chair ”
He did as I told him, he stopped inching out of his chair he sat uncomfortably.
“Did you love any one of them?”
“No” he said genuinely.
“So once the contract ended, you just stopped?” I asked him.
“Yes, I just stopped seeing them”
“One day you’ll stop loving me” I said and I ran out of the cabin with tears in my eyes.