My trembling hands reached for the phone, and my fingers automatically typed his name into the contact list. Even after our separation, I couldn’t muster the courage delete his number. Perhaps it was saved for this day.
I know I promised myself that I would never call him, even in the hardest times but the life of my baby was at stake, and in this moment, my ego couldn’t stand taller than the potential salvation for my child.
I could do anything for my baby.
After a few agonizing rings, he picked up the phone. The sound of his voice on the other end sent my heart into a frenzied rhythm, each beat echoing my inner turmoil.
“Hello” he answered.
My breath caught in my throat when I heard his voice. I changed my phone number so I am sure that he doesn’t know who has called him.
“Ansell” his name, barely came out of my mouth.
“Nara?’ he recognised my voice even when it was barely audible.
A sob, thick with anguish, clawed its way out of my throat, stifling any attempt to form a word. The weight of the moment pressed down on me, rendering me speechless because of my baby’s dire situation.
“What happened, Nara?’ sensing my distress, he asked in such a soft voice that it reminded me of my old Ansell, the one who gentleness had once been my solace.
“Jayden” another cry, escaped my throat, the name laden with an indescribable pain.
“Nara, where are you?” He asked, his urgency and concern quite audible in his voice.
The cutting sound of air on the other end hinted that Ansell was on the move rushing to my aid.
“Where are you, Nara?” He asked again and this time his voice came out very loud and stern.
With much difficulty, I told him the name of the hospital.
“I will be there pretty soon” he said.
I turned around to find my baby still lying lifeless on the bed. His face was pale, his eyes remained closed, a stark contrast to the lovely gaze that had filled out home with joy. Multiple needles were planted on his tiny palm as the medical staff was wrapping his head with the bandage.
My eyes remained fixed on my baby. I wasn’t even blinking. The room seemed suspended in a vacuum, time marked only by the rhythm beeping of the medical monitors. I wanted all of this to turn into a nightmare. I wanted someone toa wake me up and tell me that it was all just a bad dream.
In what felt like an eternity but was no more than twenty agonizing minutes, Ansell’s voice broke through the heavy silence.
“Nara”
I turned around to find him standing there. His eyes held concern and a pang of sadness passed through his eyes when they moved around my face. His sadness intensified when his eyes flicked down on my clothes, which were drenched with Jayden’s blood, which is his as well.
For me, his presence felt strangely comfortable.
Ansell approached me, stopping just a hand’s distance away, his head slightly cocked , and asked me what happened. I stepped aside and turned around to have him look clearly, he came beside me. A loud gasp escaped his mouth, which didn’t go unnoticed by him.
“How did that happen?” He asked.
Because of my carelessness.
“Calm down, Nara” I found his soothing hand gently caressing my back. My heart flushed when I felt the familiar warmth of his body, which put me at ease, even if it was for a few seconds.
I was about to tell him but before anything could come out of my mouth, the doctor came out of the emergency room.
“Have you arranged for AB negative blood?” He inquired, his gaze shifting between Ansell and me.
My eyes flicked to Ansell and now he understood why I called him.
“My blood group is AB negative. I will donate it”
The doctor nodded his head.
“Be strong, Nara. He would be fine soon” saying those words, Ansell followed the doctor because he was also aware of the urgency of the moment.
My eyes followed them. The doctor took Ansell into the room to run a few tests. Soon, he went inside the emergency room. Ansell was positioned on a bed adjacent to Jayden’s.
The staff ran around them quickly and within a few seconds, the blood transfusion started. I could see the blood transfering through a thin tube. Ansell’s eyes were on Jayden all the time, while mine were moving in between both of them.
My legs gave up, and my eyes felt heavy but I didn’t move from my place. I just want my happy, giggling baby in my arms as soon as possible. I will give him all the chocolate he wants. I just want him back to me. I want him to open those eyes, which are my life.
Ansell kept on looking at Jayden while donating the blood. I could clearly see the concern in his eyes. Through he doesn’t show his emotions much, he is equally scared for our baby.
Minutes turned into hours as the blood was transfusing continuosly. Suddenly, my phone started ringing, which caught my attention. The call was from William.
His name reminded me that they went to the party. I asked him to call me but this is early. They were supposed to return late.
“Hello” my voice was heavy because of all the emotions I was feeling.
“Where are you, Nara?” William asked, concern audible in his voice.
“At home” I managed to say. I don’t want to ruin their fun.
“Stop lying, Nara. I am inside home” his voice came out loud and he was sounding very angry.
How could he at home when he was supposed to return late?
“We were at the party when I got the call from a neighbour. He told me that the door to our home is wide open and he could see drops of blood near the place where we park the car” I could hear the urgency in his voice. “And when I came inside, I saw a pool of blood at the end of the stairs. This has scared the hell out of me”
. His words reminded me that in the emergency, I forgot to lock the doors because for me, my biggest treasure is my baby and at that moment, his life was at stake. And I am ready to give up anything, even my own life, to save him, everything is secondary.
“What happened, Nara? Are you fine? Where is Jayden? Is he fine?” His voice shook as he asked.
Like before, I found myself speechless.
“Tell me, Nara. Your silence is killing me” His tone became louder and firmer… “Jayden ” I cried. “Jayden is not fine ” a loud sob escaped my throat.
While the blood was getting transfused, I somehow controlled myself, but the call from William reminded me of everything, and I couldn’t stop myself anymore.
“He fell off the stairs. He is injured badly. I… I am at the hospital ” it was getting difficult for me to even speak.
“You don’t cry, Nara. He would be fine! I am coming as soon as possible ” he said, saying that he hung up.
The doctor came out and I rushed to him.
“How is my baby?” I asked him, “He is fine, right?”
I wiped my tears from the back of my palm when his eyes moved around my face and a ray of sympathy passed through them. In many cases, doctors don’t reveal the truth if they find that the person in front of them is not in a position to hear it. But I want to know everything.
“Please doctor. Tell me, tell me the truth. He is my baby and I have every right to know about him” I cried.
“Ma’am, he has lost a lot of blood. Though the blood is successfully transfused, we cannot say anything. Pray for your son”
NO!
His words broke me completely. My legs shook and unable to keep my balance, I collapsed on the floor. A loud, heart wrenching cry escaped my throat.
Folding my knees to my chest, I placed my arms over them as sons after sobs escaped my mouth.
I want my baby!
I want him!
How could I be so careless?
I know my cries were so loud that they could be heard in the whole corridor but I care less. Emotions have taken their toll on me. I couldn’t resist them anymore.
All these years, I have tried my best to be strong but now I am breaking. I could see and go through hell again but I cannot see my baby in pain.
I may not be the best mother, as I am still trying to understand all the sudden and unexpected things that happen in my life but seeing him in situation is killing me.
“Nara” a very soft comforting voice, called out my name, which slowly lifted my head up and made me look up.
Ansell was standing there with small tears in his eyes.
I decided to be strong in front of him, not to show any weakness but to suppress my emotions. More tears welled up in my eyes.
I just hope that my emotions don’t sway me.