Ansell slowly walked to us , and stayed at our place.
His eyes were on us while we were staring back at him, contemplating what he was going to do next.
He has made both of us suffer without any reason, and I am sure now he has nothing to say about it.
All he could do is ask forgiveness, but is it going to fix anything?
He came to a halt just a hand’s distance from William, who steadfastly avoided making eye contact. His gaze remained fixed on the front wall, and I could sense that he was struggling to control his emotions, restraining himself from beating shit out of Ansell because them there would be no different between him and Ansell.
Ansell continued to watch William, waiting for any sign of acknowledgement, but William remained unmoved, his eyes like unyielding stones, firmly fixed in place.
“William” Ansell’s voice carried a soft, almost pleading tone, but there was no response from William.
Ansell gasped audibly, probably controlling his emotions that were taking their toll on him.
“I don’t know how to say this or from where to start” he finally managed to say more than one word. “I know I have put through hell, I ruined our beautiful friendship but please forgive me, William”
So easily?
He just said, forgive me, William. Could a mere apology erase the torment he had endured, the bruises from the punches, the exhaustion from sleepless nights, and the gnawing hunger of the days without food?
I am sure the question that came to my head were also reeling in William’s mind because his lips stayed sealed and his eyes fixed at their place. The room seemed to hold its breath, waiting for a response that never came.
Ansell was also expecting him to answer, but nothing came out of William’s mouth.
“If you want, you can beat me as much as you want and until the fire of revenge is extinguished”
He looked around and suddenly ran away only to return with a dagger.
“Kill me if you want won’t stop you”
He forcefully stuffed the dagger in William’s fists, and his hold on it tightened, the nerves of his forearm popping out. My eyes widened a bit in surprise, as I thought that William was actually planning to kill him. Everything that he has gone through because of him must be replaying in his head.
Ansell was looking forward to his next move when suddenly he opened his fist and the dagger fell to the ground with a loud, cluttering sound, in between Ansell and William.
I released a breath, but William didn’t flinch from his place.
“Please, William, say something” Ansell requested him once again. “Please, William, abuse me, kill me, beat me, or do whatever you want, just don’t stay silent. It is killing me” This time Ansell pleaded desperately.
I could see that he was the same Ansell who valued their friendship, but William has walked ahead, and he doesn’t seem to care about it anymore.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, William’s body showed a slight movement, and his gaze met Ansell’s for the first time.
“What do you want me to say, Ansell?” William asked, his voice heavy with emotion and low, almost like a whisper. “What words can possibly mend what’s broken? You didn’t hear me when I pleaded with you, I almost begged you to give me one chance to clarify myself. Now that you want to hear from me?”
He breathed.
“Now, when your sister has revealed every painful truth, what more can I offer?’ he questioned him back. “I have nothing left” he declared.
Ansell’s throat tightened as he struggled to respond. He visibly swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the effort. He was at a loss for words.
Of course he would be!
He didn’t listen to us when we were screaming in pain and trying to make him hear the truth. Why now?
“Please, William” he eventually managed, his voice filled with remorse as he lowered his gaze in shame. “Forgive me”
“What am I supposed to forgive you for, Ansell?” William’s voice was filled with pain and frustration, making Ansell look up from his shame. “Is it for the torment traumas you inflicted on my sister?” He questioned, his eyes searching for answers.
“I am sorry” Ansell replied, his voice barely audible and filled with remorse.
“It hurts more to know that you befriended me only for my sister” I could hear the pain in his voice.
William continued, his word pouring out as he bared his soul.
“You know, Ansell, our friendship meant the world to me. I cherished it, value it with my life, and would have sacrificed anything to protect it. But what you did… ”
Ansell remained silent, unable to find words to defend himself.
“You didn’t give me a chance to clarify myself”
William continued, taking a deep, audible breath, his lips moistened by a nervous lick.
“Still, I hadn’t hate you that much because I knew that you were doing all that under misunderstanding . I reminded myself of this every day, which didn’t make me hate you. I told myself that you were in the dark and I would have forgiven you only if you hadn’t involved my sister into this”
A heavy silence hung in the air after William’s heartfelt words, punctuated only by his audible swallow, as he struggled with the emotions that had been building inside him and waiting to pour out for such a long time.
“I know everything you did to her” William’s voice trembled with anger and pain. “Not only that, you also showed me the pictures of her in such a vulnerable state. It shattered me and planted a hatred within me that I never thought possible ”
I could feel William’s body shaking beside me.
“When the fake scenario about your sister made you mad and made you do so much to me, just think about me! What I must be going through and what I want to do to you I may forgive you for what you did to me, but I could never forgive you for Leonara, NEVER!”
He declared again, fixing his eyes on the distant spot. It was quite clear that he had made his decision, and no amount of begging was going to make him change his decision.
Ansell waited for two more agonizing minutes, but William remained rooted in place. Finally sighed audible and took a small step back, unable to maintain his composure. He collapsed to his knees, overwhelmed by the weight of revelation and emotions.
I gasped softly, ready to move forward to Ansell, but William’s grip on my waist tightened, keeping me in place.
Ansell’s head hung low, his open palm resting heavily on his knees. He appeared utterly broken and defeated, his once proud shoulders now slumping with the weight of his actions, crushed under the darkness that had surrounded him all this time. It seems like he has accepted his defeat.
I have heard that if we truly want to break someone, we should attack them emotionally, and this is exactly what is happening to him.
“I don’t have any words to say. I know I have made mistakes. I myself am unable to accep the truth. But all I have to say is that I am guilty for my deeds”
He looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears.
“Nara” he whispered softly, and I swallowed hard, meeting his gaze. “I have inflicted so much pain on you, and ‘Forgiveness’ feels like such a small word in the face it all. I wish I could turn back time, undo the mistakes I have made, and erase the hurt I have crushed. But I can’t, but…. But I promise I will do everything in my power to make amends. Please find it in your hear to forgive me”
One tear spilled down the corner of his eye as he kept on looking up at me with the hope that I would forgive him, but nothing came out of my mouth.
“I loved you, and still I do. I was blinded by anger. I couldn’t control my beast when you escaped because I wanted you by my side all the time. I can’t bear the thought of you being away from me. I became selfish because you were my light in the dark. I loved you so much that only you were the one for whom I didn’t listen to my father. The only person I wanted in my life was you. I had so many dreams about us but I ruined all of them”
He cried.
“I became a living corpse after that incident but I found the ray of hope to live my life when I brought you here ” he gulped. “I became so selfish that I didn’t notice that in all that I broke you, I hurt you so much ”
He paused for a second, giving m time to discern his words.
“I can’t promise you that I will never mak another mistake. But I can promise you that I will strive to be a better person and the partner you deserve every day of my life. I will try my best to re-establish you trust and make up for the harm o have caused”
The tears started pricking my own eyes as I heard him. My throat clogged with emotions as I couldn’t form a word.
“I know I don’t deserve it, but I am begging you for a chance, a chance to prove that I can change, that I can b the person you once loved, the person I should have always been. I love you more than words can express, and losing you would be the greatest tragedy of my life. I am ready to give you time and have some space but I will die if you walk away, breaking all the ties with me”
I could see the broken soul in his eyes as he shifted towards my feet and grabbed them, looking completely dejected and shattered.
“Please, Nara, forgive me. Please, everyone deserves one chance. I want that chance to prove myself. Please don’t leave me. I beg you, please forgive me, Nara”
With my eyes filled with tears, I looked up at William, whose eyes flicked at me. I wanted to know what he had to say, but he just blinded slightly, telling me that it was completely my decision what I needed to do with him.
Ansell was still on my feet, asking for forgiveness, just as I have done many times.
My heart pounded in my chest because now was my time to make the decision that could make or break me completely.