NERTHUS
“Relax,” Arawn says annoyed, taking his cigarette package out of the inside pocket of his coat. “I got your message loud and clear. I just needed him away as long as possible because my head is killing me.”
Taking a pull of his cigarette, he looks into the distance. My heart squeezes in my chest as this isn’t the message I intended for him to get.
Yet, I was never the type to give such messages.
I wouldn’t deserve to be this type of woman, and he surely is better off without me troubling him with all my emotional baggage.
It’s shoved deeply down, and this is where it should stay.
I really can’t risk having it spilled just because I can’t seem to keep my emotions in check with him.
And still, my tongue itches to ask him about his card and his text. About what he meant exactly.
I know that I’m being stupid, and I’m continuing to convince myself that I’m interpreting it wrong, as I’m just acting like a love-sick teenage girl.
So unprofessional.
Men would do anything for sex, and he said that he wanted me back to work for him.
I must be crazy thinking there could be more behind it just because of a cute note that he probably didn’t even write himself.
I’m so stupid.
He should be happy with how easy it is for him to wrap me around his little finger.
“So, are you at least going to tell me why your head is killing you?” I ask, watching him smoke his cigarette.
“I don’t know what you would do with such information,” he says dryly.
I shrug, hugging my coat tighter as an excuse to scoot closer. “I was just making small talk.”
But of course, he is too paranoidly attentive to make such a thing go unnoticed.
“Are you cold?” He asks, and I shake my head even if I’m worried that my fingers are turning blue.
“I’m alright,” I lie, kneading my hands.
I have always been sensitive to the cold, even if it is way warmer in New York than it used to be at home.
Getting lost in the memory of my mother tucking me in while I’m sipping on a hot chocolate, I flinch at a sudden warmth enveloping me.
The first thing I register is his mouth-watering cologne that must still be clinging to the coat he put on my shoulders. I meet his gaze as I wrap it around me carefully, murmuring a small ‘thank you’.
He just clicks his tongue, and as he tears his eyes away from me, I want to bring them back on me.
So, I do the only thing I’m capable of.
“I know that I don’t work for you, and there is still something standing between us,” I say, turning towards him as much as I can on the bench. “But I want to make you sleep tonight.”
He chuckles, shaking his head. “Don’t bother.”
“Ah, why are you being so stubborn? You obviously aren’t feeling fine, so let me help you. See it as an exchange for your warm coat.”
He sighs, putting out his cigarette in the ashtray on the table. “I’m not being stubborn. I just don’t want you to help me.”
“Is there anyone else that could?” I ask with a grin, but he just ignores me.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you by not reacting to your message, and the flowers-.”
“Hurt,” he whispers, interrupting me with a scoff, still avoiding looking at me. “It’s not that. I managed to get through life without a cheap whore making me sleep and I will continue to just fine.”
I snort, trying to overplay how him saying this actually hit me right in the heart. “I’m not cheap.”
Leaning in, he finally looks back at me.
“You might not be for the fuckboys you usually entertain. But for me, you are.”
My heart stops painfully in my chest as his mocking grin grows. “You must have gotten ahead of yourself.”
Wow!
I open and close my mouth, my brain running through my head panically, looking to reengage my usually sarcastic mouth. But I can’t find anything to counter.
So, I just slip his coat off me and lay it between us as I scoot away.
I gulp down a mewl at how this physically hurts me as he tsks. “Don’t be stupid. Take it back up.”
“Just go fuck yourself, Arawn.” I hiss, crossing my arms. “I prefer freezing to death at this point.”
“Whatever,” He growls, lighting another cigarette.
Watching as we sulk next to each other in silence must be hilarious. I let my leg bob up and down as I cross it over my other one and avoid looking at him determinedly.
Danny will return soon, I just have to hold it together until then, and all will be fine.
I try to think about random things as I bite the inside of my cheek.
Only an exhausted sigh of his, gets me to look at him automatically. He has his arms crossed on the table as he looks at me tiredly. “Put it back on, please.”
Please.
My heart skips a beat, and I purse my lips. I would want to continue to act up, but his tired expression is worrying me.
“I’ll do it if you tell me what’s wrong.”
He takes a deep breath, lifting his hands to bury his head in them. I take his coat back up, wearing it properly this time. I sigh happily as I wrap it around me tightly, the warmth of it enveloping me.
“Nothing is wrong, Nerthus. I’m just tired, it has been a stressful week.” He rubs his eyes before looking back at me. “But I don’t have anyone else to blame. I could have chosen to go work on a pony yard instead and didn’t.”
I laugh, clasping the fabric of his coat as I hug myself. “Looks like we both made the worst career choices.”
“Yeah,” He chuckles. “We really should have known better.”
I lower my head, not able to keep my smile from spreading on my face.
“Do you want to stop fighting and have our talk?” He asks, making me look back at him.
“Here?” I scrunch my nose as my heartbeat speeds up.
“If you prefer an expensive restaurant, I’ll make a reservation for tomorrow evening.”
“I can’t wait this long,” I murmur, making him laugh.
Hugging his coat tighter, I take a deep breath. “So… talk.”
Straightening his spine back up, he inhales deeply. “We have to figure out a way to make it to how it was before we had our big fight. I want you back to work for me.”
Work for me.
I force a smile, my heart cracking at the confirmation that it is indeed just about work.
Stupid me.
“Even before the fight, we weren’t good for each other. We are toxic together. It would be better to get a rehab.” I say, making him chuckle.
“But it worked, Nerthus. You can’t deny that you felt good as well. And you can be difficult all you want when it leads to the make-up sex we usually have.” He leans in to me as I roll my eyes.
“You are the drug I don’t want to get off from, then,” he whispers, making my heart skip a beat.