CHAPTER FORTY ONE
NADIA
It fucking hurts!
If I needed any further proof that Alex and Sandro were not the only people who hated me in College and thrived on my pain, this was it.
We had been summoned to gather at the school’s gigantic conference hall, and I felt a jolt of anxiety surge through me. This was only the second time it had happened since I came to college. The first time it happened, a couple of students were sent out of college for beating up a female student who had refused to have sex with them. I had no idea why we were all assembled there, but the atmosphere felt heavy, like a storm about to break.
As I stood there, looking around for any sign of clarity, my heart pounded in my chest. Students chatted nervously with each other, casting furtive glances at the entrance as if waiting for someone to walk in and cause trouble. My thoughts began to spiral when a familiar figure approached me. It was Philip.
Not again!
I just didn’t want to set eyes on him again!
Just like Alex and Sandro, his presence irritated me these days.
I wanted to walk away from him, but a part of me was interested in whatever rubbish he had to say. “Hey,” he said, flashing a smile that made my insides twist.
Did he think he could fool me with a smile?
“What do you want?” I asked, my tone sharp as I crossed my arms defensively. How could I forget how he had hurt me?
He studied my face for a moment, the smile fading slightly. “Are you still mad at me?”
“Leave me alone, Phil,” I snapped, feeling irritation rise in my chest. I didn’t want to have this conversation, especially not here, in front of everyone.
“I’m sorry, Nadia. I know I hurt you, but…”
“Just leave,” I said, getting even more irritated with him hanging around me. “I’m not interested in anything you have to say. I should have known better that you were not different from the others. You’re all the same, all of you!”
It felt satisfying to voice out my frustration!
I wish I could do the same with those bullies.
“Look,” he said, stepping a bit closer and holding my hand gently, “it’s alright to be upset with me, but you can’t blame me for doing what I did. You know I can never betray you willingly.” His eyes searched mine, but they lacked the sincerity I craved. “I had no chance with Alex and Sandro. They would have crushed me if I tried to resist them. You already know no one crosses their path and walks away free. I couldn’t say no to them, Nadia”
I pulled my hand away, frustrated. “I don’t care about your excuses, Phil. Just stay away from me; go away. I just wanna be left alone, please.”
“Fine!” he said, frustration painting his features. “I’ll stay away from you, but stop pretending like I could have done anything different. We are all afraid of them, all of us! You can’t just pretend they don’t scare you,” he argued, his voice louder now, drawing attention from nearby students. “Everyone sees how they bully you, and yet, no one, not one person, has ever dared to stop them. Do you think I’m any different from the others? Maybe you should try standing up to them before you judge me.”
“I don’t care what you or anyone thinks of me,” I said defiantly, wanting to break free of this uncomfortable conversation. As I turned to leave, I couldn’t shake the strange feeling in my gut.
“I’m sorry if you get hurt today,” he called after me.
I quickly turned to look at him, my heart racing. “What do you mean by that?” I asked, feeling a shiver of concern.
Philip looked away, seemingly wrestling with what to say next. “You’ll find out soon enough,” he said cryptically. “It’s not in my position to say anything.” With that, he walked away, leaving me standing there, confused and feeling a sense of dread creeping into my bones.
As I tried to gather my thoughts, Mark walked over, a smirk already forming on his lips. I didn’t like him; he always joined Alex and Sandro in laughing at me whenever they decided to bully me. “Why are you standing there?” he asked a touch too cheerfully.
I said nothing, crossing my arms tightly around myself as if to shield my heart from him.
With that infuriating smile still plastered on his face, he added, “I have a seat reserved for you, you know. It would be an honor to have you sit by my side.”
Without responding, I brushed past him, anger bubbling in my chest. I couldn’t deal with him right now. I needed to find a place where I could breathe. I spotted an empty seat close to the front and headed there, plopping down.
The entire place was lively with music and students chattering, but I could not shake off the unsettling feeling from my earlier conversation with Philip. My mind raced, wondering what he meant when he apologized as if he knew that something was going to go wrong.
Just then, the President of the college walked in, flanked by several staff members. As soon as he entered, a hush fell over the crowd. All eyes turned toward him as he stepped up to the podium, radiating authority.
“Thank you all for coming,” he began, his voice resonating through the hall. I focused on his words, trying to drown out my worries. “Today, we are here to celebrate the success of our college’s basketball team in the recently concluded inter-college competition.”
I prepared myself to burst with pride, thinking about how I had contributed to that success. I would stand proudly alongside my teammates today. As the President continued, my excitement built up. “We are so proud of our athletes for making this college shine high above others.”
He went on, praising us, and my heart raced. I waited eagerly as he announced that each athlete would be called up to receive awards as a show of gratitude from the college.
As he began calling out names, my heart raced, filled with anticipation. I could almost see myself up there on that exalted podium. Only a few selective students have ever been allowed that honor. Goosebumps ran down my arms as the first name was called, followed by cheers.
I imagined the applause filling the air, the pride bubbling in my chest. One name after another was called-all my teammates-but when he called out nearly everyone I knew who had participated in that competition, I realized my name was never mentioned.
Confusion turned to shock as the president announced the final athlete, and my heart sank. It felt as though time had frozen, and my stomach dropped. Why hadn’t they called my name? I quickly looked around, my mind reeling as I met sympathetic glances and snickers from some students.
The president continued, “These are the athletes who had made the college proud,” he said, gesturing toward the group of names called up to the front. The applause burst forth like a wave, a noise that felt far away as tears began welling in my eyes.
The whispers filled the room as I felt more eyes turn in my direction. “Just look at her,” one person said. “She deserves what she got.” I could hear laughter echoing across the hall, coupled with pointed fingers.
“Maybe the president considers her a dark horse, one not fit for the kind of award everyone else in that Team deserves,” another said dismissively, causing more laughter to erupt around the room.
Frustration bloomed into devastation. I was invisible in a sea of people, and with every word, tears flowed down my cheeks, a torrent of emotions I couldn’t contain anymore. I could see my teammates being awarded their prizes as I sat there-alone in my anguish.
“This is pathetic,” scoffed a girl seated close to me, her voice dripping with bitterness. “I don’t feel sorry for you. I would have done even worse than the president.”
Unable to endure any more mockery, I shot up from my seat and left the hall, ignoring the laughter behind me.
When I finally reached a secluded spot, far away from the laughter and the prying eyes, I fell to my knees. The ground felt cold beneath me as a loud growl erupted from my throat, a release of all the pent-up frustration and hurt. My body shook with anger and despair as tears streamed down my face, and I let the emotion out without holding back.
At that moment, I felt so small, so lost, but deep down, I knew I was more than just their ridicule. I was Nadia, and I still had a fight left in me…
But for how long will I keep saying the same thing!?
It hurts; it fucking hurts!