Chapter Fifty-one
Hunter’s POV
The moment Caleb left my office, the silence that settled in the room was suffocating. I stood there, staring blankly at the door for what felt like forever.
My mind spun with thoughts and emotions I could hardly make sense of. There was still the faint scent of Faelen lingering in the air, a maddening reminder of what had just happened.
No. What I’d let happen.
“Damn it,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair and tugging at it in frustration.
This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. None of it. I was supposed to be in control… of myself, of my feelings and the whole situation.
Yet, every time I was around Faelen, it was like I lost my grip on everything. And now Caleb… my best friend and my Beta, had seen me with her.
Her, of all people. A servant. Someone I should have no business getting involved with, yet here I was.
Guilt, anger, confusion… all clashed inside me, fighting for dominance. And beneath it all, the relentless tug of my emotions for Faelen, which seemed to pull me in every direction I knew I shouldn’t go.
How had I ended up in such a mess?
I paced the room, trying to clear my head. The desk by the side still carried traces of Faelen’s presence… the bottle of wine she’d used as her excuse shattered across the floor in a pool of spilled wine.
I could almost see her standing there, her eyes wide and scared when I caught her sneaking around. And then, the way she’d melted against me, the way we had…
I slammed my fist down on the desk, sending papers fluttering. “Get it together, Hunter.”
There was still the issue with Steeprock pack… something I should have been focusing on instead of getting distracted by Faelen.
They were a threat, one I couldn’t afford to underestimate, especially if what we suspected about them being backed by another powerful pack was true.
But how could I think straight when every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Faelen’s face?
I didn’t know what to do. About her, about Steeprock, and about anything. And I hated it. I hated feeling so out of control.
Faelen had thrown everything into chaos just by being here, and no matter how much I tried to reason with myself, I couldn’t seem to let go of… whatever it was I felt for her.
My chest tightened at the memory of Caleb’s expression. He had always been the rational one between us, the one who kept me grounded.
And now I’d gone and ruined things with him too. I’d tried to give an explanation, but the words felt stupid even to my own ears.
How could I convince him it was just a passing attraction when I wasn’t even convinced of that myself?
I felt anger rise up in me. I was angry at myself, even at Faelen and the entire damn situation. I needed to get out of here.
Of course, I needed a distraction, something to drown out these thoughts before they tore me apart. I wished badly for something to numb the frustration eating away at me.
I grabbed my coat and left the office, not bothering to inform anyone where I was going. I didn’t want to see anyone, especially not Caleb.
I just wanted to be alone… or at least alone with a bottle strong enough to make me forget.
The walk to the bar was quick. The moment I pushed through the doors, the murmur of conversation and clinking glasses took over me quickly.
This place had always been an escape for me when the weight of responsibilities grew too heavy. A place to loosen the chains for a few hours.
“Alpha,” the barkeep greeted me with a nod, eyes blinking in surprise.
He quickly set a glass on the counter and filled it to the brim without another word. I didn’t bother acknowledging him.
I just took the glass and downed its contents in one go, feeling the burn as the liquid slid down my throat.
The familiar burn settled in my chest, and I welcomed it, hoping it would numb the chaos inside me.
But it wasn’t enough. One drink wouldn’t cut it tonight.
“Another,” I muttered, pushing the empty glass forward. The barkeep hesitated for a split second… long enough for me to shoot him a dark look.
He must have seen something in my expression because he quickly refilled it.
Drink after drink, I tried to drown my thoughts, and bury everything beneath with alcohol. But Caleb’s voice cut through it all.
I gritted my teeth and took another sip, ignoring the bitter taste. Caleb had every right to question me, to be upset. But what could I say to him?
That I didn’t know what I felt? That I couldn’t control it, couldn’t control myself? It was a silly excuse.
I slammed the glass down, hard enough to draw a few glances. Ignoring them, I rubbed a hand across my face, trying to focus on something else… anything else.
But it was pointless. Even here, miles away from that office, I could still feel the pull toward Faelen. And I didn’t know how to sever cut free of it.
“Troubles, Alpha?” a low voice asked beside me.
I glanced sideways and saw an older man… one of the regulars… watching me with an ugly smile.
He looked like he’d seen enough drunken souls to recognize a man running from his own demons.
“None of your business,” I growled.
The man chuckled, taking a sip of his own drink. “Ah, but sometimes talking about it helps. Or at least more than drinking yourself blind does.”
I sighed, turning away from him. But his words remained, scratching at something inside me.
Talking… Right. Like I could explain any of this without sounding insane… tell someone that I’d lost control of myself over a girl I shouldn’t even be thinking about.
“I’m fine,” I muttered more to myself than to him, staring down into the dark liquid in my glass.
But of course I wasn’t fine. Not by a long shot. And the alcohol wasn’t helping. All it did was strip away the pretense, leaving me with the uncomfortable truth…
I was falling for Faelen. And it was soon going to destroy me.
Moments later, I was nearing the bottom of my fourth glass now, and though my vision had blurred at the edges, the ache in me was still there.
No matter how much I drank, I couldn’t get Faelen’s face out of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her…
Damn it, Hunter.
I growled lowly to myself, raking a hand through my hair like I always did when I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t continue doing this.
I glanced around the bar, the loud sound of voices and glasses filling the air. The place was crowded, a few familiar faces scattered around.
There were women too… pretty young girls, eyeing me with a mix of curiosity and interest.
The moment I met one of their gazes, she blushed and looked away, but I saw the small, inviting smile on her lips.
Why not? It wasn’t like I hadn’t done this before. A quick distraction, that’s all it was. I’d bedded countless women over the years, using them to numb myself, even if only for a while.
One of them could do the same for me tonight. Make me forget about Faelen and about Caleb’s questioning gaze, all of it.
My gaze settled on a girl sitting by herself at the far end of the bar. She was slender, with long dark hair falling in curls around her shoulders.
Her dress was short, revealing just enough to be enticing, and when she looked up and met my eyes again, she didn’t look away this time.
I stood, my movements a little unsteady from too much alcohol, and I made my way over to her.
She watched me approach, her lips parting slightly as if in anticipation of what would happen.
There was a look in her eyes… the kind that said she understood exactly what I wanted and was willing to give it.
“Alpha,” she greeted softly when I stopped in front of her.
Her voice sounded so smooth in my ears, almost practiced. I knew her type well enough… girls who visited bars like this, looking for a chance to catch the attention of a man with strength and money.
She probably thought she’d hit the jackpot tonight.
“What’s your name?” I asked, though I didn’t really care.
“Selene,” she replied, a smile curving her lips.
“Selene.” I repeated the name.
It meant nothing to me. She meant nothing to me. And that’s exactly what I needed right now. Someone who didn’t mean anything and who would be just a distraction.
She shifted in her seat, straightening up and pushing her hair back to expose the curve of her neck.
“Can I get you another drink, sir?” she offered, but her tone suggested she had something else entirely in mind.
I shook my head and took a step closer, leaning in. “I don’t want a drink,” I murmured, my voice low and rough.
I saw the way her breath hitched, a flicker of excitement lighting up her eyes. She thought she had me hooked already.
I reached out, trailing my fingers lightly along her bare arm. She shivered, but then leaned into my touch.
It was so easy. Too easy. I could take her upstairs right now, lose myself in her and forget everything… Faelen, Caleb, Steeprock…
That’s what I needed, wasn’t it?
But as I stood there, staring down at her expectant face, the thought of touching her… or anyone who wasn’t Faelen… suddenly made my skin crawl.
I hesitated, my hand freezing in motion. Her scent wasn’t right. Her hair wasn’t either. Nothing about her was right.
Because she wasn’t her. She wasn’t Faelen.
“Alpha?” Selene asked, her smile fading a little.
I dropped my hand, taking a step back. “No. This isn’t…”
My words stumbled over themselves, the alcohol making it harder to think straight. But even through all of it, one thing was clear, I didn’t want this.
I didn’t want her and I just couldn’t pretend otherwise. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, turning away abruptly.
What the hell was I doing? I couldn’t even force myself to go through with it.