Chapter Fifty
Faelen’s POV
I had bolted out of Hunter’s office with my face burning with humiliation and my chest tight with shame.
Caleb had been standing right there by the door, but I couldn’t even look at him. I kept my gaze fixed on the floor, focusing on the sound of my own footsteps echoing down the corridor.
I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of his silent judgment. How had I been so stupid? So reckless?
Now outside the estate, I rounded a corner and didn’t stop until I was well out of sight, pressing myself against the cold stone wall.
My breaths came in harsh gasps, and I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the tears that wanted to spill out.
But it was no use. The embarrassment of what had just happened, the shame of being caught like that by Caleb was too overwhelming.
I sank to the floor, curling myself as the sobs came in wave over my body.
What must Caleb think of me now? He’d always been so kind, so and… different from the others. He had looked at me like I was more than just a servant.
But now, after what he’d seen… he’ll never see me the same way again. I hugged my knees, burying my face in them, my whole body trembling.
I hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. I’d gone in there hoping to find something useful for Raven, anything to show I was still working for the Belladonna Pack’s cause.
But then Hunter had walked in, and everything had spiraled out of control. I should know better than to get distracted like this.
I knew how dangerous it was, how foolish it was… but then I’d stupidly let it happen anyway. And now… this mess.
The tears wouldn’t stop flowing from my eyes, hot and bitter against my cheeks. I felt trapped, torn between the emotions churning inside me.
Part of me felt so stupid for letting my desire for Hunter pull me away from my purpose. What was I doing, getting lost in his kisses, his touch, when I should’ve been focusing on my mission?
I’d never wanted to be a spy of course. But I’d accepted this role because it was a chance, perhaps my only chance to prove I wasn’t just some weak protected girl.
But instead of proving myself, I’d ended up in Hunter’s arms… a couple of times now. Giving in to something that was beyond foolish and dangerous.
A soft, bitter cry escaped me, muffled against my knees. I’d thought I was being careful, and that I could keep my distance emotionally even when I let myself get physically close.
How naive I had been. Now I’d lost even the fragile respect I might have had from the one person here who had shown me any kindness.
I couldn’t picture how he’d walked in on us and seen me like that. It was too painful. I could see the shock in his eyes, so clear on his face, and that of judgement after… it felt so embarrassing.
He must think I’m no better than a cheap whore, letting myself be used like that by the Alpha. I bit down hard on my lip, feeling the pain in me as a sob choked out.
What if he thinks I was just trying to use him too, to somehow get closer to Hunter through him? I shook my head violently, hating myself for even thinking it.
Caleb deserved better than that. He has only ever been good to me. He’d made me feel… normal, like I wasn’t a slave to him.
And now I’d ruined that.
I was disappointed in myself as well, in how easily I’d let my emotions take control over me. Everything had become so fast.
The raw need I felt every time he was near, the way my heart seemed to yearn for something more even when my mind screamed at me to stay away.
It was all like I couldn’t breathe properly when he was in the room, like I was always on the edge of losing myself entirely.
And maybe now, I’d blown any chance I had at maintaining any sense of stealth for my mission. Now I probably would be seen as the spy I was.
And Hunter… He wasn’t just some Alpha. He was dangerous in ways I couldn’t fully understand yet.
But how could I face him again? Or Caleb? How could I even begin to explain myself?
Caleb probably thought I was weak, maybe just another servant girl desperate for attention and some sick sense of affection.
But that wasn’t it at all. Or maybe it was. I didn’t know anymore. My head felt like it was spinning, my thoughts scattered and panicked.
A small, broken sob slipped out of me, and I hugged myself tighter, trying to hold the pieces of myself together.
I couldn’t do this. Not after everything. I needed to focus and try to remember why I was here in the first place.
But the more I tried to force those thoughts, the more they seemed to slip away, replaced by the image of Hunter’s dark eyes of passion staring down at me.
I shook my head again, trying to clear it. This wasn’t about Hunter. This wasn’t even about Caleb. This was about me, about the mess I’d made of everything.
I had to get back on track I told myself. I had to… to figure out what to do next, how to fix this.
But for now, I just stayed there, curled up in that corner, letting the tears come until they began to run dry.
As I struggled to pull myself together, the sound of light footsteps made me freeze. I quickly wiped at my eyes, swallowing down the lump in my throat as I glanced up.
A maid stood there by the corner of the wall, peering at me with wide, curious eyes. I didn’t recognize her immediately… one of the newer girls, maybe.
Her gaze moved between me and the ground, a frown forming on her face as if she wasn’t sure if she should speak or simply turn and leave.
“Are… are you alright?” she asked timidly, holding her hands together.
Quickly, I pushed myself up from the ground, shaking off the sadness in my mind. “I’m fine,” I replied sharply, forcing a strained smile. “Nothing’s wrong.”
But the maid continued to watch me with that concerned look, and I could tell she didn’t believe me.
My face probably looked a mess, my eyes red and my cheeks were still flushed from crying.
But I couldn’t let her see through me. Not when there was so much at stake. I couldn’t afford to draw any more attention to myself.
“Are you sure?” the girl pressed softly, taking a hesitant step closer. “You looked like… like you were…”
“I’m fine!” I snapped, louder than I intended.
The girl flinched, her eyes widening further. I then took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment to steady myself.
When I opened them again, I made sure my voice was calmer. “I’m sorry. I just… I’m fine. Really.”
The girl seemed to hesitate, then nodded slowly, as if unsure whether to believe me. “Okay… If you say so.”
She lingered for a second longer, but when I gave her no further response, she finally turned and walked away, leaving me alone once more.
I exhaled, my whole body shaking. The last thing I needed was for rumors to start spreading among the girls.
I could already imagine the whispers and sneers if word got out about me crying in some dark corner of the castle.
They were already talking enough as it was… about me being “the Alpha’s favorite,” about Caleb’s kindness to me, about every single thing I did or didn’t do.
And if they somehow found out why I’d been crying…
I squeezed my eyes shut, shoving the thought away. No one could know. No one else could find out.
Caleb walking in on us was bad enough…devastating, really… but if the other girls found out, there’d be no end to the taunts and stares.
I would be ruined in their eyes, a complete outcast, as they would no doubt love.
Forcing myself to straighten up, I took a deep, calming breath. There was no use dwelling on it now. It was done.
I just had to pick up the pieces and move forward, somehow. I tried to focus on what I needed to do next, but my thoughts kept going back to the scene in Hunter’s office.
The shock on Caleb’s face haunted me, the way it made me feel so exposed and ashamed in front of him. It was terrible.
Why had I let things get so out of hand? I asked myself. I had promised myself I wouldn’t lose sight of my true purpose, and that I wouldn’t let my feelings… or whatever they were… get in the way.
But I’d failed obviously. I’d failed not just myself, but Alpha Zodd and the Belladonna Pack.
If Raven found out… No, when Raven found out, what would she think? Would she see me as weak, too easily swayed by emotions?
A fresh wave of shame came over me, and I gritted my teeth, forcing it down. I couldn’t afford to wallow in self pity. I had a job to do.
I was supposed to be gathering information, proving myself useful. But what had I actually accomplished since coming here?
…just succeeded in getting myself entangled in a situation that only made things worse.
With a determined breath, I pushed myself away from the wall and started back toward the kitchens. I needed to get back to work.
But even as I tried to throw myself into tasks moments later, my mind kept replaying the events in Hunter’s office.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the image from my mind. He must think I’m such a fool, letting myself get caught up like this.
And maybe he was right. I was a fool. I’d let my guard down, let myself get too close to Hunter… both physically and emotionally.