As I turn to face him, my body stiffens, and my mind races with thoughts of what he might say. I hope it’s not something that will break my heart. I try to compose myself, thinking of Shawn’s needs first. “Please, I’ll need to take care of Shawn, then I’ll be back,” I say, trying to sound calm.
“Can I carry him in my arms?” he asks, with emotion in his voice.
“Yes,” I reply, but as I try to hand Shawn over, he clings to me like a lifeline. I couldn’t force him to let go.
“I’m sorry, I’ll need to go now, but I’ll be back,” I tell him, trying to reassure him as I make my way to take care of Shawn. I can feel his gaze on me, but I know I need to prioritize Shawn’s needs right now.
Part of me wants to turn back and confront whatever it is he wants to tell me.
I focus on Shawn’s tiny hands wrapped tightly around my finger, his big brown eyes looking up at me. I take a deep breath and push aside my worries
As I care for Shawn, my mind swirls with a hundred thoughts. After finishing with his diaper and making sure he’s comfortable, it’s time to feed him.
I prepare his cereal, setting the bowl and spoon on the tray of his high chair. I gently place him in the chair, and he starts to feed himself with chubby little hands, making some mess.
While he eats, I can’t shake the feeling that Gabriel’s next words are crucial. I’m hoping whatever he has to say will bring some clarity or at least make sense of the chaos. For now, I focus on Shawn, trying to stay calm and collected as I wait for the answers I need.
I walk back into the living room, where Mum and Gabriel are seated. Mum has served Gabriel toast, and they sit together in an uneasy silence.
I sit down, my gaze shifting between them, waiting to see who will speak first.
Finally, Mum breaks the silence. “Nadine, I’m so sorry for not being truthful with you. I tried many times to tell you, but it felt too heavy. I’m just grateful you figured it out.”
My head snaps toward her. “So if I hadn’t figured it out, you would have kept it from us forever?” The words come out sharper than I intend, fueled by frustration and hurt.
Mum flinches at my words, her eyes welling up with fresh tears. “No,” she says, her voice trembling. “I never wanted to keep it from you forever. I just… I didn’t know how to start. It felt like too much to unload at once.”
I sit quietly with my thoughts. For years, I’ve lived with the trauma of wondering why the man I called my father seemed to dislike me so much.
I used to think I could never fill Nathalie’s shoes, he chose to love despite our similarities. But now I realize I was mistaken. I share some features with someone he resents-the color of my eyes, the shape of my nose. It’s as if I carry a part of the past he couldn’t let go of, and it’s colored his feelings toward me.
Mum’s voice trembles as she speaks. “I was arranged to marry Witte, and I had no idea I was pregnant with you and Nathalie at the time. Gabriel was in my life then.” She pauses, looking distressed.
But Gabriel continues. “There were so many dynamics at play. I had to stay hidden because Mr. Witte was a powerful man who could manipulate everything to his advantage. I discovered he was involved in some kind of experiment with Martha. I tried to warn her, but I was threatened-told never to show my face again.”
Mum turns to Gabriel, her eyes filled with confusion. “What experiment?” she asks, her voice strained.
“We were never triplets? We’re twins?” I say softly.
She seems almost frozen, struggling to process the revelation.
l nods slowly. “Yes. The third child you thought was taken away was part of an experiment my father was involved in.”
Mum blinks, her mind racing. “An experiment for what?” she finally manages to ask, with a trembling voice.
Gabriel takes a deep breath, searching for the right words. “The experiment was about creating genetic modifications. Witte was obsessed with pushing the boundaries of science. He wanted to explore how genetic alterations could enhance abilities or alter physical traits.”
Mum’s hands tremble as she clasps them together. “But why? Why would he do something so horrific?”
“It’s best known to him,” I say quietly. “He made Mum believe that it was her fault the third child was taken away. That guilt drove Dad away, and Mum, desperate for his affection, ended up clinging to him despite everything.”
Mum, still with the shock, seems lost in a daze. After a moment, she finds her voice, though it’s shaky. “I thought I was the problem in our marriage,” she says, tears welling in her eyes. “I never knew he was hiding such a dark secret.”
“Mum, I’m all done,” Shawn says, his little voice breaking through my thoughts. I quickly move to unstrap him from his high chair, lifting him into my arms.
He eagerly grabs his empty plate and shuffles toward the kitchen. “Thanks, Mum,” he says over his shoulder, his small feet pattering on the floor.
I watch him head toward the kitchen, a fleeting smile on my face. His simple act of independence is a small but bright spot on my face.
As Shawn makes his way to the kitchen, I watch him so full of energy and innocence, that I know I need to focus on him right now, providing him with the stability and love he deserves.
I follow him into the kitchen, where he proudly places his plate on the counter. I ruffle his hair.
“Good job, buddy,” I say, trying to keep my voice upbeat. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
Shawn beams up at me, clearly enjoying the attention as I wipe his hands and face. I place him gently in his playpen, filling it with educational toys that I hope will keep him engaged.
As Shawn begins to play, my thoughts wander to Nathalie and Jake. She hasn’t reached out at all, despite the years apart that should have softened old wounds.
I know we’re out of groceries, so I decided to take care of that soon. For now, I head to the kitchen to make myself some cereal. Mum and Gabriel are still in the living room, and I need a moment to focus on something simple and routine. As I pour the cereal and add milk.
I sit down with my bowl of cereal, but my mind keeps drifting back to the heavy conversations from earlier. The crunch of the cereal is almost a distraction, a small comfort amidst the turmoil.
Once I finish eating, I change into something more casual and settle into bed with my laptop. Despite working at the flower shop in Canada, I still manage social media accounts from home, so there’s always work to catch up on.
As I start typing, my thoughts wander to Ethan. He hasn’t called since that heated argument, and I wonder if I should reach out. I pick up my phone and dial his number.
The phone rings twice, then a third time before he answers. “What?” he says, his voice cold and devoid of emotion.
His cold tone catches me off guard. “I… I just… you know what, never mind,” I say quickly and hang up before he can respond.
I stare at the phone, questioning if it was Ethan who answered. Just as I’m about to put the phone down, it rings again.
I pick up the phone, my voice steady. “You know what, Ethan, don’t bother. It was a mistake calling you anyway.”
I hear the person on the other end take a deep breath and my heart races. The voice, though similar to Ethan’s, is strained and filled with a pain I wasn’t expecting.
“No, this isn’t Ethan,” the voice says softly.