“Well, I’ve never talked to anyone about this before,” she said nervously, “and it’s really embarrassing, you’ll think I’m super weird and it’s probably going to mess this all up, but I’m hoping we can still be friends and work together.”
“Karen, I have some weird ways myself.” I said. This caused her to bring her eyes back up to meet mine with a curious look. Squeezing her hands I said, “I promise whatever you tell me we’ll still be friends and we can still work together.”
“Okay, here goes,” she said, taking a deep breath and looking down again, “um… well, it’s about sex. I know a lot of guys don’t think women have sex fantasies, but we do. Some of us do. I do.”
My heart started beating a little faster. Where was this going to go?
“I know that’s true Karen. I think some guys are threatened by that but I’m not, I think fantasies are a natural thing for both women and men.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear you say that Jack, but… I’ve had some kind of crazy ones for a long time, back to when I was a kid. And it’s not like I think people have to act out every fantasy they have, Frank and I didn’t. I hate to use the word but Frank and I had pretty “normal” sex, you know? And I was fine with that.”
“So are you saying you have some weird fantasies?”
“Umm… yeah, and I’m not obsessed with them or anything… it’s some very weird stuff I’ve never acted out, things I’ve never even thought about acting out… I really didn’t think I ever would, and that’s been okay! I don’t think a relationship is only about sex anyway, or people have to like all the same things, but…”
I waited for her to continue but she seemed to be stuck. I knew it was time for me to start opening up in the same way Karen was, but I was feeling conflicted; on the one hand I was excited about sharing fantasies with her, but on the other I was worried that mine were worlds away from hers.
“But what?” I said. “Karen, you can tell me. Listen, I have to fess up here… there are some weird things I’m interested in too. Are we talking about kinky stuff?”
She looked up at me with an anxious but hopeful expression, and her next words came out in a rush.
“Yes,” she said, “and Jack, what’s really hard to explain is… there’s something about you that makes me think about these things more, a lot more, and now I can’t get them off my mind. I know this sounds crazy, but… being with you makes me want to act out stuff I’ve been keeping inside as just fantasies, and it… it’s getting in the way now. So there… I’ve said it.”
“Wow,” I said, “I feel kind of flattered!”
“Well I hope you’re still flattered when I tell you the things I think about.”
I took a deep breath. “Is this about BDSM stuff Karen? Do you want me to, you know… tie you up?”
There was a long pause as she looked away, seeming to study something in the room, and then brought her eyes back to mine. “No” she said, “I want to tie you up.”
My heart started beating faster and I felt like an electric current was humming through my body… and I could feel it building up between my legs. Could this really be happening?
“I can’t believe I’m telling you this Jack… maybe it’s the wine, I should just shut up and take things as they come, I’ve probably ruined things between us… I really do want to be with you, but these feelings are so strong I thought it might be a problem if we got involved and I kept it a secret… I’m sorry,” she said, looking away again.
My mind was racing. All of a sudden a door was opening, did I really want to walk through it? Yes, of course I did.
“So… the thoughts you have are about dominating me Karen? You’d really want to tie me up?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said, “and I’m not saying I have to, it’s just really distracting me and I had to say something.”
It was now or never. “Karen,” I said, “I have to tell you… I fantasize about being dominated by a woman. I fantasize about it a lot.”
“You do? Are you serious Jack?” she said, turning back to me with a surprised look in her eyes, “you’d really want that, you’re not just saying it to make me feel better?”
“Yes, I’m serious Karen. I’ve had these thoughts for a long time,” I told her.
“Oh God,” she said. “Jack, I… Jack, it wouldn’t, you know, threaten your masculinity or something like that?”
“No, it wouldn’t Karen. But how would you think about it, would being submissive make me… less of a man in your eyes?”
“Oh no! Jack, you always seem so confidant, so self-assured, like you don’t have to prove anything to anybody. You seem so strong in a quiet way, I think that’s why you bring out my ‘inner Domme,’ she said with a nervous laugh. “I fantasize about… having control of you, and it just makes me dizzy to think about it.”
“Well,” I said, smiling, “I’d be okay with my masculinity if you were. I’m really attracted to you Karen, so this is sounding pretty amazing… I mean, really amazing! I just, you know, wouldn’t want you to think less of me for being submissive.”
“Oh Jack, I wouldn’t at all,” she said, squeezing my hands more tightly and raising them up between us for emphasis, “I’m really attracted to you too, I’m sure that wouldn’t change.” I could see in her eyes it was true and it gave me the confidence to take it further.
“Do you think you’d like to go ahead and… act some things out?” I asked her.
“Well… if we both want to, I guess we should try,” she replied, “but this is all happening so fast Jack, can we talk about it some more?”
“Sure we can, let’s start by making a safe space right here Karen. A place that’s safe for fantasies, for needs, desires… fears… let’s tell each other everything and not worry about being judged or disapproved of. What do you think?”
“Yes, okay… I’m still embarrassed, but I’ll try not to be.”
I knew I had to open up to her more now but I didn’t know how far she wanted to go with this. I didn’t know what dominating really meant to her, and I worried that my thoughts might be too extreme.
“Listen Karen,’ I said nervously, “Some of my fantasies might be more weird than yours.”
“Oh I don’t know about that Jack,” she said, giving me that crooked grin and bringing our hands back down to her lap. “What do you think about when you fantasize about a woman dominating you?”
“Okay, well… first I have to tell you I don’t have much interest in a lot of the stuff I see in BDSM porn, with these angry looking women all dressed up in black leather. The role play turns me off, it’s too theatrical; the way I always think about it is I want it to be something… real.”
“Oh yeah,” said Karen, “I don’t want to dress up, I want it to be real too, and I don’t need you to call me Mistress or anything like that… I think about it being just us like we are, you know, friends, except that you have to do whatever I want. It’s like you lost a bet or something and you have to be my… sex slave,” she said with a giggle.
“Wow,” I said, “exactly, it seems more exciting if it’s really us. And I wouldn’t want you to yell at me or call me a pig or make me crawl around, the fantasy that really gets to me would be for you to just be you, friendly like you always are, affectionate… liking me… but using me at the same time, do you know what I mean?”
“Oh yes! God that’s exactly how I think about it Jack!”
My erection was growing and starting to feel uncomfortable jammed up inside my jeans. I decided to take another step.
“Do you know what CFNM means?”‘ I asked her cautiously.
“Clothed Female, Naked Male,” she replied with a smirk.
“You’ve done some homework,” I said, smiling. “I fantasize about that Karen, it would make the feeling of being your slave more… complete.”
“Oh, I think that’s hot, I’ve imagined it just that way Jack.”
“Okay, and now it’s my turn to be weird,” I said, “in a lot of my fantasies I’m, uh… I’m on a collar and leash. And the woman uses the leash to… make me do things. Is that too weird for you?”
“No… I like that. I like it a lot; I could get a collar and leash for you Jack. So what would you like me to make you do on your collar and leash?”
“Well, uh… pretty much anything that would turn you on,” I said. “I think a big reason I like the idea of being a slave to a woman is the idea of her using me to get herself aroused. You know how a lot of guys like to watch women masturbate… its kind of like that but way hotter because you’d be using my body to get yourself off. Does that make sense?”
“Yes it does Jack. God, I have to make a confession… talking about this is getting me, um, kind of excited,” she said. “You’re sure you’re not just humoring me, this is stuff you’d really want to happen?”
“Karen,” I said, “it’s exciting me too.” I guided her hands over to my lap, boldly putting them over the growing hardness in my jeans. “See?”
“Oh! You are excited,” she said with that crooked grin as she traced my bulge with her fingers and shifted my arousal into high gear, “so… how do you fantasize about being made to get a woman off Jack?”
“I guess you already asked me that and I haven’t really answered.”
“Mm-hmm,” she said, smiling and still playing with my crotch.
I took a deep breath. “Karen, you can use my hands and mouth any way you want, on any part of your body,” I said, looking into her eyes. “And I mean it when I say any part, I’m pretty oral… I’ll put my mouth anywhere you want for as long as you want.”
“Oh God, that’s giving me chill bumps… there are places I’ve never been… I’ve always wanted someone to… you know…”
“At some point we’ll have to stop talking so politely,” I said, laughing.
“Yes, we will,” she said, laughing with me. She put her hands to my face and pulled me to her, kissing me deeply… then she turned my head and whispered in my ear, “I’ve never had my ass licked Jack. I want you to lick my ass… I’m going to make you put your tongue in it Jack. Right after you finish licking my pussy.”
“Well, you’re making me really hard now,” I said, turning back to her and whispering back in her ear, “I want you Karen, and it makes me want to do things for you. I’d love doing that for you.”
“What else do you fantasize about Jack,” she asked, “tell me what else I can do to you Baby.”
Now my heart was racing and I still worried that I was about to go too far, but maybe not… it was time for another 20 seconds of insane courage.
“Um… do you want to hurt me Karen? Would that excite you?”
She looked away, and then turned back to me, seeming to make a decision. “Yes, it would,” she said quietly, “It would excite me…. Jack… could I spank you?”
I paused a beat…. There was no turning back now.
“Yes, you can spank me, but…” (Another deep breath), “would you like to whip me?”