I didn’t like the feeling that rose in my stomach. Nate posted bail, Blaze was coming home, and I had no idea what was going to happen. I closed and locked the door as I made my way towards the kitchen and back out into the garden.
Everleigh was fine. Eating her snacks and playing away on her iPad. I scrolled my call log until I clicked on Jared’s name bringing it to my ear.
“The fuck did I tell you?”. He sighed.
“I didn’t do anything. He showed up at my house”.
“He do anything?”.
“What, no”. I made a face. “All he said was bail had been posted and then he left. I didn’t do this Jared”.
“McColl said the bail was posted anonymously”.
“So, he won’t know?”. I chewed the inside of my cheek.
“It’s fucking Blaze the fucker knows everything”.
“But if the lawyer said it was anonymous, and we’re the only ones that know then how could he possibly find out?”. I know I shouldn’t even be going down this road, but I didn’t need another fight on my hands.
“And if he finds out months later?”.
I didn’t have an answer to that question right now. I hated lying to him, but it was better for everyone if we prevented him finding out the truth. All that matters is he was coming home.
“Then let’s hope he doesn’t. I have to go, bye”. I ended the call and finished my cigarette before heading back inside.
My stomach was churning. I was never a good liar but over the years my poker face had become surprisingly good. I would fake it till the buzz of his return was gone and everything was back to normal.
I would do what I needed to do to keep him out of that place and to keep my daughters dad around. And if he found out then I will deal with it when it happens.
I locked the door and went to sit in the living room. Everleigh was still playing away on her iPad none the wiser that she was going to see her dad soon. Would he get out today? It was late afternoon and yes bail had been paid but wasn’t there paperwork to do upon his release?
A sigh fell from my lips. I was anxious and I was anxious because I wasn’t sure what he was going to be like. He had only been gone 5 days, but a lot can happen within that period.
I didn’t visit, didn’t feel the need to and honestly, I didn’t want to. Not because I didn’t want to see him, I just couldn’t bring myself to see him like that. I had no idea what his mood was going to be like. Was he going to be pissed off? Who knows.
Was he going to come here first or straight to the clubhouse?
My head was starting to hurt, and I hated the dryness in my mouth. I was nervous about seeing him in case he saw straight through me. I changed the tv channel and settled for law and order.
For once Everleigh didn’t protest. I don’t know why kids liked having free reign on every device in the house. Surely, this didn’t just happen in my house. I went to make myself a drink and start dinner.
You could say I wanted a somewhat early night and seeing I was doing a double tomorrow I was going to need the sleep. Josh knew I wasn’t coming in until I dropped Everleigh off so it would be 9 at the latest.
I grabbed a wine glass from the cupboard and the bottle of rose from the fridge. I wasn’t a big drinker, stopped drinking in the house for a while but I felt this glass was needed today.
I filled it halfway before putting the bottle away.
I settled on cheese and broccoli pasta with garlic bread. It was quick and easy and honestly; I couldn’t be bothered with the mess of a big meal. Besides, it was Everleigh’s favourite and I knew she’d eat it.
Her eating wasn’t great at the moment. She wasn’t fussy she just didn’t eat much but could always manage a snack. I used to worry, and it would drive me crazy, but I would never force her to eat and if she wanted to eat a bag of chips instead of a meal then so be it. At least she was eating something.
I filled the pot with cold water placing it on the hob to boil and took the garlic bread from the fridge. It was more of a flatbread and placed it on the oven tray. I stayed in the kitchen every so often checking she was still awake.
Sleeping now was the danger zone. Anything after 4 o’clock for me was a no napping period. She would never sleep tonight if she napped now. But she was glued to her iPad talking away to herself.
I sipped on my wine as I scrolled through my phone. The number I had for Nate was disconnected so I couldn’t even call him and ask why he posted bail. I hoped it was because he was blood and there wasn’t an alternative motive to it.
Sighing I tapped on Jared’s number and brought the phone to my ear. I was hoping he knew when he was coming home so I had a heads up.
“Aye?”. He answered.
As charming as ever. I mean whatever happened to answering the phone with a simple hello?
“Ava?”.
“Yeah, sorry”. I spoke.
“You called me darling. Everything okay?”.
I chewed the inside of my cheek. “When is he getting out?”.
“Should be home for 6 why you nervous?”.
“A little”. I swallowed the lump that appeared in my throat.
A laugh fell from his lips. “You’re his old lady you ain’t got nothing to be nervous about Ava. It’s been 5 days not 5 years”.
I wasn’t sure if that was a dig because of the last time but I brushed it off. He was right though I shouldn’t be nervous to see him.
“So, what happens when he gets out?”. I asked.
“Talk to him about that darling. I’m sure you’ll be the first person he’ll want to see”.
“What, no big party because he’s home?”. I rolled my eyes.
“Oh, there’s a party sweetheart. There’s always a party”.
Of course there was. Well, this one I wouldn’t be attending.
“Want me to come get you and Everleigh and drop you back at the clubhouse?”. He asked.
“I’ve just started dinner, and Everleigh still isn’t feeling great. If he wants to see us Jared, then he’ll come home”.
“Ah fuck, right well if you change your mind call me yeah?”.
“He won’t-…”. I paused chewing the inside of my cheek. “He will come home, won’t he?”.
It was the dreaded question, but I had been thinking about it ever since I found out he was getting out. What if his head isn’t in the right place? What if he runs? What if he up and leaves me again?
“He ain’t gonna run darling so get that out your head”.
How could he know that? Blaze was hard to read, he was temperamental at times and when shit hit the fan he would normally disappear for weeks on end. But he wasn’t the same person he was all those years ago and I had to remember that.
“Ava?”.
“I’m going to go I’ll call you later”. I ended the call.
I went about the rest of our day. We both ate dinner, Everleigh clearing her plate which I knew she would because she almost always did with pasta. We watched Toy Story because recently she had become obsessed with Woody and before I knew it, it was bath time.
I was already yawning my head off. Bedtime couldn’t come quick enough.
Still nothing from Blaze and as much as I didn’t want to I kind of expected not to see him, but I wasn’t mad. I understood how it went and what was expected of him within the club.
He had to show face. I mean it was a party for him. A sigh fell from my lips as I put Everleigh’s tablet on charge and took her upstairs.
“We go bed now mommy?”. She asked.
“Soon baby”. I kissed the top of her head as I placed her on her bed. “Should we put your light up toys in the bath tonight?”.
“No bath mommy. I tired”.
“Okay baby”.
Missing one bath wasn’t going to hurt her. She had a bath every night from the day she was born. It had been her routine for 3 years, but she was getting older and bathing her every night maybe wasn’t necessary anymore.
Who knows.
I changed her into her pjs and lay her down. Normally when we do bedtime, we either read a book or sing some nursery rhymes but tonight, tonight was different. She lay staring at me her little hand clasping mine.
I never realised how much you could love someone until I had her. The minute she was born I fell in love all over again. I could go on for days about how much I loved her, how much love I had for her because she changed my life.
She was the missing piece that I never knew I needed. She was the one constant in my life that I knew I would always have.
I placed her little hand on her chest as I slipped mine away. I hoped she was just having an off day today and she wasn’t getting sick. I hated seeing her unwell. Placing a kiss on her forehead I got to my feet and quietly left her room leaving the door ajar slightly.
I switched the bathroom light on before making my way downstairs. I would clean up the dishes and living room before heading to bed. Only when I reached the kitchen, and my soul almost left my body I jumped covering my mouth.
He was home.
“You almost gave me a heart attack”. I spoke.
“You left the door unlocked princess”.
I rolled my eyes. “We live in a nice area. No one is going to break in Blaze”. I went to walk towards sink to clean away the mess, but he had other ideas. He grabbed hold of my waist and pulled me onto his lap.
“Missed you darling”.
I swallowed the lump that appeared in my throat. I missed him too I didn’t even want to think about him being in that place.
“Same”. I whispered. “And I’m glad you’re home”. I knew it wasn’t over and had no idea what was coming next, but he was here, and he was with us.
“It’s gonna be a bumpy ride darling. Those fuckers ain’t letting up”. He kissed the top of my head.
“Then it’ll be a bumpy ride because we’re not going down without a fight”. Blaze was by no means innocent, but I would not let him get sent to prison for something he didn’t do.
A laugh fell from his lips as his arms tightened around his waist. “I ain’t worried darling and you shouldn’t be either”.
“But I am worried. They’re coming for you Blaze and I’m scared they’re not going to stop until you’re behind bars for a long time”.
“We ain’t doing that princess”. His lips found mine. “We ain’t going into all the what ifs and the bullshit that comes with it. When and if it happens then we’ll deal with it”.
That was me told.
“Yeah?”. He spoke.
I nodded. “How come you’re not at the clubhouse?”.
“Why would I go there when you and Everleigh are here?”.
Oh.
“Ain’t interested in no fucking party Ava. I ain’t seen you in 5 days. I’m exactly where I need to be”.
His lips found mine again and before I knew what was happening, he was carrying me up the stairs.