The silence of the night was shattered by Rowena’s anguished cry. Her scream conveyed the pain that had been buried for so long. She seemed so tormented that the tears she had held back for days began to fall.
Rowena no longer cared to hide her grief. Everything seemed futile, and her anger rose when a stranger cornered her without understanding the depth of her pain.
“You don’t know,” Rowena whispered in a trembling voice that conveyed all the anguish pressing on her soul. “You don’t know what it’s like to go without Ivan. This world, everything feels empty without him. I’m trapped in this pain and there’s no way out for me. So don’t point your finger at me. Don’t tell me to hold on when you don’t know what it’s like to live with such a loss.”
The woman was taken aback. She let Rowena’s words reverberate between them. She chose to remain silent for a moment, looking at Rowena with eyes full of compassion and sadness.
Rowena’s breath was ragged. She was gasping for air in an outburst of emotion. Her chest felt tight and she wished for something-anything-that could lighten the burden pressing down on her. But there was nothing.
Rowena collapsed. Her hands shook, her body felt weak. Anger, sadness, and despair all mixed together. “I don’t know what to do. I really can’t handle all of this.”
The woman took a deep breath and slowly stepped forward. She approached Rowena and held her gently. Her demeanor now was a complete contrast to the anger she had shown when she had saved Rowena from death.
“I’m sorry,” the woman said sincerely. Rowena blinked and looked up at her. “I know you must be grieving deeply over Ivan’s death, but that doesn’t mean you should go this way. You shouldn’t commit suicide, because I’m sure Ivan wouldn’t want you to do that. He…” She took a deep breath, as if she felt the same pain as Rowena. “… would want you to stay alive in this world. He would want you to be happy.”
Rowena’s tears flowed more freely. Only God knew how much she wanted to stay in this world, how much she wanted to be happy, but it was not as easy as speaking words.
“I know that no words can erase your pain. Even your grief will remain until the end of your life, but believe me, Ivan wouldn’t want you to give up. He wants you to live on and remember him for a long time. So please, find any reason, no matter how small, to keep going.”
Rowena’s sobs grew louder and she covered her face with her hands. Her shoulders shook as the realization hit her with full force.
There was a truth that Rowena did not want to admit. A glimmer of sanity reminded her that she had this reason, she had this purpose.
Rowena’s hands fell away. She hugged her stomach with indescribable regret. She had nearly ended not only her own life, but the life of the unborn child she was carrying.
Please, Rowena. Go away. Take care of yourself. Keep her safe. Tell her I love her.
Ivan’s plea echoed in Rowena’s mind. His voice kept ringing in her memory, causing her to lose control even more. Now she remembered the promise she had made to Ivan.
I will take care of her the best I can, Ivan. I love you. I will always love you, Ivan.
Guilt hit Rowena like an unstoppable wave. Regret surged through her chest, making her feel deeply sinful. She had forgotten the promise she had once made to Ivan-the promise to protect the child they had created together.
“Forgive me, Ivan,” Rowena whimpered, her voice barely audible. At the same time, she clutched her stomach even tighter. “I almost forgot my promise.”
The woman looked at Rowena’s stomach with an unreadable expression. Then she spoke. “It seems you found your reason.”
Rowena opened her eyes and looked at the woman, nodding slightly-a response more directed at herself. She had found that reason, a reason she could no longer ignore. Another life depended on her, demanding that she hold on despite the pain and loss that still gripped her heart. At the very least, she had to survive for her baby. After all, she had promised Ivan that she would tell her daughter how much Ivan loved her.
“You are not truly alone in this world, Rowena,” the woman said, gently squeezing Rowena’s upper arm as if to give her strength. Then she smiled. “You still have something that matters. Let that be your strength.”
Rowena was stunned, her attention drawn to the sweetness of the woman’s smile. She was taken aback, and a flicker of a familiar feeling crossed her mind.
“Now I must go. I hope you take care of yourself.”
Rowena hastily took the woman’s hand. “Wait.”
The woman stopped. She turned and asked, “What is it?”
Rowena stood up, still holding the woman’s hand. “Who are you?” she asked bluntly. “You saved me and I think I deserve to know your name.”
“My name is Vi-” The woman closed her eyes as her mouth closed quickly. She took a deep breath, as if to calm herself, before looking back at Rowena. She said, “You don’t need to know who I am, but I promise. We will meet again.”
Rowena started to speak again, but suddenly the woman hugged her tightly. She was startled. The hug carried an indescribable wave of emotion. There was something she felt-an unspoken message conveyed by the warm touch. More than that, she felt a longing and affection enveloping her.
Rowena’s heart was moved. Her hands rose reflexively, slowly. Without realizing it, she wanted to return the embrace, but the woman released her before she could.
The woman smiled one last time. Then she really left without saying anything else, leaving Rowena standing there alone.
Moments later, a breeze brushed Rowena’s face. She blinked, wondering how long the woman had been gone. Yet she still stood there, her mind feeling empty. She felt something strange, something confusing, something beyond reason that confused her. For she couldn’t have been wrong. “That woman, she had a smile as sweet as Ivan’s. Her smile was like Ivan’s.”
*