– Harley –
“What are you looking at?” I ask as we walk out of the BBQ & Grill, “The most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life” He replies. “God you’re so cheesy,” I say as we walk towards the car Jax stops and lights up a cigarette a distance away from me “You know you can smoke in the car, I miss the smell,” I say frowning at him, he smiles and shakes his head at me “Nope, not good for the baby” He replies, “The baby wants it!” I try again but he just smirks at me.
I begin to slowly walk towards him and he raises an eyebrow at me, “Just let me smell it” I say as I continue to creep towards him, “No kitten” His voice comes out a little deeper and I’ve never wanted to disobey someone more than I do right now. I take another step and he narrows his eyes at me so I roll my eyes and turn around on my heels when someone runs and I mean literally runs into me knocking me to the ground.
I fall onto my ass and then my back, the back of my head bouncing off the rocks in the car park “Move it fatass” I hear a masculine voice from infront of me “BITCH WHO THE FUCK-” I start but before I can finish or get off of the floor jax has him pinned down to the ground and is laying his fists into the mans face.
“What the fuck did you just call my pregnant wife?” He growls at the almost unconscious man, “Fuck man, I didn’t mean it” The man on the floor groans holding onto his nose at an attempt to stop the bleeding. Jax continues his assault of the man’s face repeatedly hitting him over and over again, a shooting pain crawls up my back and around my sides, I must have landed on my ass hard.
Then my heart stops at the streaks of bright blood dripping down my legs “Jax” I say still staring down at the now small pool of blood forming at the bottom of my shoes “Jax” I call out again tears freely falling from my face, my mind is telling me to scream, it’s telling my legs to run and get to hospital, it’s telling me to kill the fuckwit on the floor and burn his body in my fireplace but I can’t do anything, I’m frozen.
Another sharp pain pulls me from my trance and I look up to see Jax still hitting the man who now lays barely breathing infront of me “JAX” I call out as loud as my voice will let me, he must have heard me this time because his head snaps to me as soon as I say it, his eyes slowly look over to me widening when he sees my legs. “I can’t do this again” I sob shaking my head while still standing in my place, he jumps up in his spot and runs over to me practically shoving me in the car.
The car rides silent apart from Jax swearing at other drivers while swerving from lane to lane, him swearing into his constantly ringing phone and the odd sob and sniffle from me, the pains still there but my body’s feeding from it, if this does happen again I don’t think I can make it, I don’t think I’ll be able to do it again, I can only hope that my death makes more sense than my life.
“It’s going to be okay I promise,” Jax says grabbing onto my hand, I continue to lean my head against the window staring out at the landscape speed past us “You don’t know that” I whisper back the lights of the hospital becoming closer and closer by the second, “I do, I know it will be okay. But you have to trust me that it’s going to be fine alright?” I look over to him and nod my head as we pull into emergency.
Jax runs in to get a nurse or a doctor, 30 seconds later a stampede of nurses and doctors rush out the door and rip me out of the car throwing me into a wheelchair “Jax” I call out looking around, panic begins to set in when I can’t see him, is this it? Is this how my life is going to crumble? Alone surrounded by no one I know?
I feel someone grab my hand, I look to my left and see Jax instantly relaxing. I’m wheeled into a room, “We need her on the bed, can you get up by yourself?” The nurses asks me as Jax easily lifts me up and puts me on the bed. “Alright, what happened when the bleeding started?” The nurse asks as she sets up an ultrasound machine, “Someone knocked me over and I fell on my ass, there’s some pain but I really just think I’ve broken my ass bone” I say shifting on the bed.
“Well fortunately for you there is no bone in your ass, but you may have fractured your tailbone or coccyx so I’ll get someone to check you out for that after we see how baby is doing,” She says putting the cold gel on my stomach, she moves the ultrasound wand around and squints at the screen before her face deadpans, she quickly recovers it and turns to me with a smile, a fake smile.
“I just need to get the doctor, I’ll be back in a second” She quickly exits the room and Jax looks at me confused “What the fuck was that about?” He asks worriedly, “Somethings not right, they only get the doctor when the nurses cant tell you something, I’m not even past 33 weeks yet” Just as I finish speaking a doctor quickly comes int the room dressed in full scrubs, “Mrs Jones, Mr Jones. We are going to have to do an emergency c-section, your son hasn’t grown since his last scan and his heart rate is low, your placenta is also detaching. We need to get the baby out now.” Jax stands up from his chair and the nurse goes over to him and talks to him as the doctor takes the locks off the wheels of the bed and begins to push the bed out of the room, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I ask raising my voice trying to get up from the bed.
“Mrs Jones if you do not calm down you will have to be knocked out for the procedure, you’re lucky the anesthetist is still here,” He says as he continues to push me down the hallway, “What about my husband?” I ask looking up at him “He will be dressed appropriately and brought in before the baby is born”.
He pushes me through double doors and I’m swarmed with nurses poking and prodding me with different needles and sticky things sticking them to the skin on my chest. Someone grabs my cut and I almost slice her fucking throat, “Don’t you fucking touch it” I growl staring her down. I take it off and fold it giving it to the doctor that wheeled me into this deathtrap, “You make sure that’s put in my room if there’s even one scratch or scuff mark it will be your head” He nervously nods his head and walks over to another nurse passing the cut over.
A nurse comes up to me with a pair of scissors and begins cutting up my dress, underwear and bra “Dude those cost me a fucking lung” I say swatting her hands away but she continues to cut it until it’s completely in half “if I make it out of this I’m beating your ass” I hiss at her. The nurse I usually have for my ultrasounds comes into view and I sigh in relief.
She makes her way towards me and shoos away most of the other nurses “Harley we need to be quick so I’m going to need you to stop threatening the staff and start co-operating” She says throwing the cut up fabric into the bin and slipping a surgery gown around me, “Only because you’re here and apparently are the only one to have a fucking brain” I mumble, she calls out for a few more nurses who begin poking and prodding me again placing IVs in my arms.
I’m then wheeled into the surgical theatre, “Onto the table” The nurse says pointing at the cold metal table in the middle of the bright room, I get off the bed and sit on the edge of the metal table this is all too familiar, usually it’s me in charge of everything in a room like this and yet here I am about to possibly be chopped to pieces by stupid doctors.
Jax bursts through the door and I almost cry at the sight of him, he runs over to me and kneels infront of me taking my hands in his. I can feel the anesthetists behind me finding where to put the epidural “Are you okay? Did they hurt you? I’ll kill them” He asks frantically looking over me, I shake my head no and he sighs. I feel a sharp jolt into my spine that causes me to jump at the pain before my body goes numb, I’m laid down and a sheet is put between me and my stomach.
Jax is moved to next to my head where he takes my hand in his again, “Alright, when you hear the noise of a coffee machine that means your baby is here” The doctor calls out from over the sheet “A fucking coffee machine?” I ask Jax quietly he shrugs his shoulders and tries to hold in a laugh. The first 2 minutes I feel nothing until the epidural wears off suddenly and I fucking feel everything, my eyes widen and my mouth drops into an ‘o’ shape when I feel them cut through my muscle and what I can only assume is my uterus I squeeze Jax’s hand tighter feeling his fingers pop and dislocate under the pressure.
“Jesus Christ” I pant out, “What’s wrong?” Jax asks looking down at me completely unfazed by me crushing his fingers “Fuck, I can feel everything” I groan out when I feel them pulling apart the layers to make a bigger exit for the baby. A doctor overhears me and goes to turn on the gas to knock me out, I use my free hand to swat it away.
“I stay awake during the whole thing, I need to know my baby’s okay” He looks at me confused and shakes his head no at me “I’m sorry mam we can’t, it’s against the rules,” He says trying to put the mask back on. I lean over as much as I can and punch him in the throat knocking the breath out of him “I SAID I STAY AWAKE, I’LL FEEL EVERYTHING I DON’T CARE” I yell causing almost everyone to stop and look at me expect the people currently ripping my insides out.
A minute or two later and I can hear what sounds like a coffee machine, it’s nearly over our baby’s almost here. “You sure you’re okay kitten?” I nod my head slightly, “Surprisingly it’s not the most pain I’ve ever been in, and my body is liking it for some sick reason” I try to joke. He smiles down at me and softly kisses my lips, as he pulls back the sound of a baby crying make us both stop in our tracks. The weak cry makes both of us look up to see the doctor holding the smallest baby I have ever seen in his hands “He’s a little fighter” He says holding him up high for both of us to look.
My eyes fill with tears and theres nothing more I want than to jump off this table and grab my baby but I can’t move unless i want to bleed out and die within 30 seconds, I feel useless, I can’t hold him, or cuddle him, or kiss him. The nurses take the baby away into a different room “Where are you taking my baby” I scream watching them walk away through the doors with him, I try to roll over to get up but im held down by a few nurses “No. Where are you taking him?” I cry out still looking at the doors he was taken through, I can hear his faint cries and it’s ripping my heart out, this is more painful than the fucking surgery.
“Kitten you need to calm down,” Jax says trying to calm me but it’s not working, the pain my body’s feeding from, the shock of all of this and now my baby this is too much for me “Go and make sure he’s okay please” I sob to Jax, he shakes his head “I’m not leaving you kitten”. I take my hand away from his hand and move it to his face, tears are still falling down my cheeks “Go and make sure our baby’s okay or I’m going to kill you with all these fuckers in this stupid fucking hospital slowly and painfully” I whisper yell at him.
He smirks and kisses my forehead before walking through the double doors, I look back up to the white ceiling and wipe away my tears angrily, a nurse comes back through the door holding a phone, she passes it to the nurse standing by my side. She smiles down at me and passes me the phone which shows a photo of my son, “I know this isn’t how you expected it to go Harley and I’m sorry, but not every birth goes normal” The nurse from earlier says to me, “Nothing is ever normal is it” I say quietly still staring at the phone “Normal is boring” She whispers in my ear.
“Would you like to be knocked out?” She asks hesitantly, I shake my head “No” I say quietly. About 10 minutes later and I can feel them stitching up my muscle and abdomen, my eyes begin to grow heavy but I keep them open. “We need a blood transfusion,” One of the doctors say looking up from my stomach, I watch as the nurse changes over an IV bag to a blood bag.
They finish stitching me up and I, m moved to a different bed and wheeled into recovery. I sit there for half an hour as people take blood and run tests on me “When can I see my baby?” I ask looking up at the nurse, “After this maybe another hour or so, but I must warn you miss, he will be in an incubator for a while, you may not be able to hold him for a while” I turn my head to look at her properly, “You’re trying to tell ME I can’t see MY BABY for another HOUR?” I ask now rising myself up onto my elbows “Mam please” She says slightly pushing my shoulder back down “Oh hell Nah, get the fuck off me”.