– Harley –
“Can I go for a ride tomorrow?” I smile and place my hands into Jax’s, I love how big his hands are they mine look tiny. “I’m going to be busy tomorrow, so I’m not sure” I frown when he says it, but I’m also glad it won’t be him, he’s the last person I want to hurt in all of this, “Why can’t I take someone else?” I question him trying to not act suspicious if he catches on I won’t be able to protect them.. from myself.
“Because I don’t trust anyone else” He growls while saying it and I laugh, I love how overprotective he is as if anyone going to hurt me besides myself. “You really think I won’t be able to protect myself?” I smirk and raise an eyebrow at him, “Fine who do you want to take?” He asks I stay quiet for a few seconds, who do I want to take?
That I won’t mind hurting and then the name comes into my mind and I smile at the thought, paybacks a bitch, “Gunner” I say with a smile, he looks a little confused by my answer, as far as hes concerned I’m about ready to kill Gunner and wear his skin as a coat, mostly true but It won’t be tomorrow. “Gunner?” He asks as if he thinks he heard me wrong the first time.
“Yep,” I say as I smile at him, “Harley youre not taking Gunner” he shakes his head and lets go of my hands “Why not?” I frown and cross my arms over my chest like a damn child. “Because I’m afraid you kill him” I laugh when I hear him admit it, I shake my head before answering “I pinky promise I won’t kill him” He holds his pinky out to me “Pinky promise you won’t kill my best friend” I wrap my pinky finger around his and tighten it, “I pinky promise”.
I place my head onto his chest and listen to his heartbeat as I let myself start to fall asleep, I need as much rest as I can get before tomorrow morning. His fingers run through my hair, as I instantly relax to his touch. I feel a stab of pain in my heart thinking about tomorrow, I don’t want to leave but I need to, I’m a monster, he must have been lying when he said I wasn’t one. I know I am a monster and nobody wants a monster in their life. I can’t hurt him, he’s better off without me, everyone is.
I wake up after tossing and turning all night and look over at the clock and groan when i see the time, 5:15 am, good enough. I slide out of Jax’s tight grip around my body and get in the shower quickly washing myself as quietly as I can. I get dressed and throw my shit in a bag including one of Jax’s shirts I can’t help myself.
I walk over and look at Jax sleeping peacefully on the bed, he looks at peace, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this calm before, I brush my fingers over his face moving the hair that had fallen over his skin during the night and leave a soft kiss on his cheek careful not to wake him up, I turn around and write a note on some paper.
“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” I place my phone next to it before making my way downstairs. I walk down to the main room and see Gunner and Shelby sitting at a table drinking coffee, I march over and Gunners eyes nearly pop out of his head when he sees me, “Get your shit together we ride in 5” He goes to protest but I look him dead in the eyes, “Jax knows get on your fucking bike, Gunner” He nods and kisses Shelby on her cheek before making his way out the wooden doors.
I go to turn around but I feel a small hand on my wrist, I turn around to Shelby who looks extremely worried. “I’m not going to kill him Shelbs, he will be back soon, I promise” I go to walk away again but her hand doesn’t leave my wrist.
“Will you be back too?”, She knows when I’m lying to her but I don’t want to tell anyone anything, I need to leave. All I do is bring darkness to everyone who surrounds me, like an angel of death, “I’ll see you later Shelbs” giving her a soft smile, I shake her hand off of my wrist before giving her a quick hug, making my way outside to see Gunner already on his bike.
“Where are we going?” I say nothing and get on my bike starting it up before pulling out of the compound. After riding for a short amount of time we pull up to the house the Shelby and I were moving into before the lockdown. We both get off our bikes as I make my way over to the door unlocking it, Gunner close behind.
“Are you going to kill me?” He half-jokes with me, I turn around and close the door behind us. “If I was going to kill you I would have already Gunner” he lets out a small chuckle before walking ahead of me, sorry Gunner.
He goes to speak but I hit him over the head with my baseball bat knocking him unconscious, I let out a loud sigh dropping the bat to my side. I drag his body onto one of the couches in the lounge room, he should be up in no more than an hour, I need to be quick so I can get as much distance between myself and this town.
I grab a sticky note and write the word ‘sorry’ on it before sticking it to his head. I grab my bat and make my way outside, locking the door behind me so no one can come in and kill him before he has half a chance to fight back. I get back on my bike and take off leaving Riverside behind me, next stop Vegas.
I make my way to open road and ride as fast and far as I can before I change my mind. The ride doesn’t take too long, about 5 and a half hours. By now I’m guessing Jax is awake and so would Gunner, I rev the bike speeding up more. I know I left Jax the note hinting to where I would go but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy for him.
First, he will either choose to play the final part of this game or he will move on, I hope its the second option, but a small part of me also wants him to find me, to fight for me, but over the years I’ve learnt I’m not worth fighting for. I don’t want to hurt him but I can’t trust myself anymore, I hurt an innocent because of what? Because she spoke the truth?
I shake my head trying to clear my thoughts, i look up and see the Vegas sign up ahead the closer I get to it the faster I ride, I don’t have much of a plan from here but I’ll have to figure it out once I get into the city part, there should be some cheap motel for me to sleep or something.
My mind travels again, what about Shelby? Would she miss me? Or Val? Would any of them actually miss me? Wy brother? Wy dad? No no no, my demons scream, they wouldn’t miss you, no one will miss you, Harley, you’re a monster, a disgusting monster, its better if you just disappear.
I notice a few bikes riding towards me, wearing leather cuts just like the Headless Horsemen. I’m guessing another MC, around 20 bikes ride past me a few nodding as they ride along. At the back of the group, there’s a large truck about 800 hundred meters behind them, I’m guessing it has drugs or weapons on board, I drift my bike onto the opposite side of the road, gaining speed rapidly.
I have no control over myself my mind goes blank, and my body goes numb. My demons screaming faster, faster, faster Harley. I ride faster than I have ever before, ignoring the noises of cars and trucks honking as they drive past me trying to get my attention before it’s too late, but guess what? It is too late. I push the bike harder, I take my blade out of my pocket and swiftly cut my break line.
I smile when I know my brakes have been cut and there’s no stopping me now, I keep speeding up pushing the bike as hard as I can, quickly the truck approaches me closer and closer and closer.
The driver starts honking trying to get my attention little does he know hes had my full attention from the start. All noise suddenly doesn’t exist, the only thing I hear is my own heartbeat. I smile and hold my arms out to my side closing my eyes just seconds before impact.
I love you, Jax.