NFTMB)Chapter 75
Victoria
(The Library)
One of my earliest memories of my life was of the ones where I would be the most shabbily and poorly dressed girl in school.
My mom didn’t care about me. All she cared about was if there was enough change for her to get high.
She was a worthless mother and she is dead to me. I don’t want to be around her and I don’t want to see her.
Ultimately my appearance became the reason for me to be extremely popular at school.
I would show up late to school most times because mom was always drunk or high last night and was still sleeping it off while dad was off to work trying to make ends meet.
I was always noticed and there were whispers around the hall anytime I walked by.
I was seen and known as the weird girl.
None of those pairs of eyes that looked at me with disgust and mockery were enough to make me uncomfortable as much as the two pairs of eyes that trapped me in the spot I’ve been standing in.
This was scrutinizing and uncomfortable.
I had woken up with only Matteo beside me and no sign of Alessandro. Matteo was asleep and I set out to find Alessandro.
Initially, I decided against it so that he wouldn’t think that I have a crush on him or that I’m becoming too needy.
I told myself never to forget that,
An angry Alessandro is a very dangerous Alessandro.
After much internal debate with myself I decided that I was going to go find him.
The house was eerily quiet and almost haunting.
Where was everybody?
As I got closer to his office where I was sure he would be in, there was a certain change.
A drop in temperature as you can call it.
I heard voices. Angry, loud voices.
It was Alessandro and Amara.
Out of courtesy and respect, I wanted to turn back around and leave to give them space to talk about their problems but then I heard her talking about pregnancy and that’s what got my attention.
Initially I got scared and thought that maybe Alessandro had gotten her pregnant or something.
My mind raced and reached places that were difficult to come back from.
I heard her mention the kitchen, office and gym and I was struck with the feeling of hurt and disgust.
Even till now he was still sleeping with her?
In all those places? Was he cursed or what?
Who was I kidding? He himself had told me that he wouldn’t stop sleeping with her so why would I be nursing thoughts that maybe by a stroke of luck he had stopped.
He wouldn’t stop. Not even for me.
He was a womanizer and it’s in his blood. He can never stop.
According to what she said I remember her begging him to let her bear him a child that night but I never expected that Alessandro would deceive her.
She sounded hurt.
She felt betrayed. He hadn’t honored her request that night despite him sleeping with her.
Countless times.
Nobody tells him what to do. He would never listen or obey any command from anyone.
And then she said it.
She used to be pregnant for him before but I guess he lost the baby.
So that was what they were talking about that night.
I can’t believe this.
Now, I almost feel bad for the way that I’ve treated Amara.
I looked down at my stomach at her question of what makes my own baby special.
Nothing.
The answer is nothing. Nothing makes my own baby more important than the one she lost.
She was angry and she was saying a lot of things but Alessandro was still his usual self and kept threatening her and shutting her down.
He’s cruel. Very cruel.
His mother’s words rang in my ear. She really was right.
He didn’t know how to be nice to people.
The most care I’ve seen him show to someone is feeding me and holding back my hair when I throw up.
That’s all.
I can still remember how he looked at me like a threat when I laid my head on his thighs.
He eyed me with apprehension and almost had that look that he usually has before he pulls out his gun at a potential threat.
He threatened to kill her if I lost my baby. I should be happy shouldn’t I? Except I didn’t feel anything but regret.
She wanted him to kill her.
And she said it. She loves him.
She told him that I’ll never love him like she does.
First of all I don’t love Alessandro and never will I love him.
Secondly, he doesn’t love me. He would rather shoot me dead than fall in love with me.
Right now he’s merely being civil and considerate with me because I was carrying his baby.
It’s like a phase. Once it’s done then he will go back to his usual self.
The Alessandro we both know.
I have heard a lot of things that I definitely was not supposed to hear but the one thing I picked out of all this is that they share a bond.
They might not even know it yet but they both share a bond.
He would never let her walk away from his life. At Least not alive and she herself wouldn’t willingly leave him. She will always come crawling back to him.
They were always going to be in each others’ lives forever.
I took a step back from the door and I definitely scolded myself for not looking behind me to see the vase there.
I unknowingly knocked it down and made it shatter to pieces.
Oh no.
What if Alessandro gets mad because he likes the vase? What if it’s expensive and what if it had some sort of sentimental value to him?
I was still panicking when he opened the door and saw me standing right outside awkwardly without a reason.
Amara wiped her face and tried to fix her hair to look more presentable.
Alessandro stepped to the side indicating that I was meant to enter.
Immediately I walked in and Amara left to go clean up the broken vase.
“I’m sorry about the vase. I didn’t mean for that to happen and I definitely didn’t mean to eavesdrop”
He just leaned on his desk looking at me with his arms folded.
“What are you doing out of bed, Victoria?”
“I woke up and you weren’t there so I came to look for you”
“And why would you look for me?”
I was in shock by the question he asked which soon turned into embarrassment.
Here I was thinking that we had reached an agreement and had maybe become civil with each other at least.
He almost had the temperament and attitude of a spoiled brat now with how he was looking down at me.
“Oh I uh uhm woke up feeling better. The nausea is gone, now it has become slightly bearable probably due to your help so I came to say thank you. That’s all. Thank you”
He eyed me like he was not buying my cock and bull bullshit story.
“What exactly are you doing in my office by this time and listening in on my discussions?”
I knew he wasn’t buying my bland story.
“I just came to stay with you. Matteo is asleep so I was bored and I decided to come find you and maybe stay with you. That’s all.”
“Stay with me? Aren’t you scared that I’ll molest and abuse you? It’s practically the two of us alone on this side of the mansion. Aren’t you scared? You’re the one who is coming to me now”
Here we go again.
“Alessandro, don’t do that. I thought we already got over that.”
He arched an eyebrow at me.
“Still felt good to say. Don’t say I didn’t warn you”
He leans off the desk and makes his way to the door.
Amara is right outside picking up the pieces of the vase and I guess she never expected that we would be coming out so soon.
She hurriedly wipes her tears and continues what she was doing as Alessandro looks at her for a second before walking out and I follow him behind.
He walks into the room and walks straight to the bed and lays down beside Matteo’s sleeping form as I close the door behind me and sit on the bed too.
I don’t know how to start a conversation about what has been on my mind but since this is Alessandro I’ll just say it as it is.
“What happened to Amara’s baby?”
He turns to look at me with a frown on his face before closing his eyes.
“It’s obvious she lost it”. He said with an eye roll.
Well, that’s some answer.
Really?
Must you be this rude?
All the time? Is that healthy?
Too much rudeness should be lethal. Especially for Alessandro.
“I know. I’m just asking how it happened”
“It’s none of your business, Victoria. Face your own kid”
“I’m just trying to be a human being.”
“You don’t need to pretend to care. Amara is fine. She will be. You don’t need to act like you understand what she’s been through and you certainly don’t need to pretend that you like her. Leave her alone, Victoria”
There it is again.
That overprotectiveness.
He gets very defensive and overprotective when it gets to her. He treats whatever they have as sacred and secretly between just the both of them that I’m not even allowed to know anything.
“Oh I’m sorry. Forget I ever asked.”
“Good.”
I rose up from the bed and decided to leave the room entirely. He’s being his usual self and I hate it.
“I’ll be going to the library now, to read and possibly stare at your dead wife. I request you take down her picture from there. It’s haunting seeing her there”
He got up in a flash and I had to stop my movement and anticipate maybe a tug or a grab.
None came.
I looked back at him to see him looking at me with confusion and surprise.
“You know about the library?”
What kind of a stupid question is that?
I gave him a duh kind of look before replying to his dumb message.
“Of course I do. I’ve been there before. Actually back when I was working here”. I said with a shrug.
“And who permitted you to be there?”. He asked
“I need permission to go to a common library? I never knew”
“How did you find out about the fucking library, Victoria!”
“I got a note, alright! I got a note and it said to go to the west wing, take the stairs and I’ll find my way to the library. That’s it. That’s how I got to know about it and your dead wife’s portrait still there”
“I never kept any photo of Roberta in the library”. He said with a strong conviction.
“Well, someone did! And for some strange reason I don’t want to see her there! Please have someone take it down. It’s creepy”
“You saw Roberta’s photo in there?”
“Yes! I don’t want to argue with you, Alessandro, so I’ll be leaving for some fresh air.”
“Well, I’ll be fucked if I let this slide”