Nicholas POV
“What!” she exclaimed, her voice trembling as her right hand fell to her.
“I’m sorry honey. I couldn’t keep it anymore to myself so I had_”
“You’re joking, right? This is a joke, right? No that isn’t possible. I refuse to believe what you’re saying” she said, staring at me in disbelief.
“I’m sorry” I apologized, seeing her taking steps backward slowly, her eyes staring at me in disbelief.
“Monica please let’s talk about this,” I said, intending to hold her hand but she raised her hand midair
“Don’t touch me” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as tears began streaming down her face.
“I want to get this straight. The surgery will be successful but I will lose my memories?” She asked, staring at me with tears in her eyes.
“Yes” I managed to say, taking a step towards her but she took another step backwards.
“All my memories?” She asked again.
“Monica please you have to understand that this is for your good and_”
“Answer me honey” she yelled, her voice shaky
“Yes all of it,” I said.
“How could you think of doing this honey? You brought me to Germany knowing fully well that after the surgery I will lose my memories”
“Honey please you have to understand that I made this decision because of you. I knew you weren’t going to come with me to Germany if you knew about it”
“You’re damn right Nicholas. If I had known earlier on, I wouldn’t have followed you here. How can you keep such a thing for me” she said, get voice sharp as she used her hands to close her eyes, sobbing silently.
“This was the only way to keep you alive. I can’t watch you die Monica” I said but she nodded her head from side to side continuously
“You should have told me first. I deserve to know about this sooner Nicholas. You had no right to keep this away from me. You should have told me. I thought you said no more secrets” she said, her voice low and breaking.
“I’m sorry Monica but please you have to_”
“I’m not going to go ahead with the surgery,” she said, dropping a bomb I wasn’t expecting suddenly
“What?” I stared at her in disbelief “You can’t be serious” I added.
“I’m damn serious Nicholas. I will not do the surgery so book the next available flight so we can go home and enjoy the remaining days of my life” Monica said, her eyes cold and serious
“No Monica you can’t do this. That tumor isn’t getting better and we have to remove it from you as soon as possible. Going back to the States isn’t the best move to make” I said but she chuckled. “I can’t lose you” I added
“Lose me? Do you know what I stand to lose if I go ahead with this surgery? Nicholas, I won’t remember you. I won’t remember my kids. Everyone will be like a stranger to me”
“Monica please you have to reconsider,” I said but she just ignored me and continued talking.
“I will forget every memory we shared. I will forget you like you never existed in my life. You know that sex we just had, I won’t be able to even remember how good I felt back there”
“Please honey if you don’t go along with this surgery, you will die,” I said, panic and sadness engulfing my entire body as I stood still
“Then so be it. At least, I get to die with my memories and even in my grave, I can remember I had a good husband and good kids and a good family who loved me” she said and I instantly regretted why I had told her about this in the first place.
Monica was right. If she went ahead with the surgery, she was going to forget everyone she knew.
She was going to forget my name, the twins, and everyone around her but this was our best option now.
“Please honey, let’s go ahead with_”
“No Nicholas I can’t. I won’t do the surgery. Are you aware of what you’re asking me to do” she said, tears streaming down her face as she stared at me “I’m going to forget about you”
She uttered, saying the last words slowly as he cried more “I’m going to forget that I painfully gave birth to two kids. I’m going to forget our love Nicholas. I’m going to forget how I feel about you. I can’t do it Nicholas. I won’t do it” she said again and I knew she was determined.
I just kept quiet and rushed to her side when I saw her sitting on the ground crying. I squatted beside her and wrapped my hands around her.
“Why was my life like this? I finally have a chance to live but there’s a price to pay. Why can’t I just have my healthy life with you? Why can’t I just live my healthy life with our kids? Why was everything difficult?”
Monica’s rough voice sounded in my chest as she asked all these questions that I had no answer to.
Tears streamed down my face as this moment broke my heart into unmendable pieces. The fact that she wasn’t going to know who I was it what we had was very painful.
“I’m sorry,” I said, “I’m sorry for keeping this away from you. I was just trying to save you from all this hurt. I didn’t want you to refuse the surgery. I’m sorry honey but please I can’t lose you. I can’t watch you die”
“I prefer death to lose my memories, honey,” she said weakly
“No” I disagreed “don’t say such things. Do you know how heartbreaking I will be if you leave me? I will lose my mind honey. Honey, I need you in my life. The kids need you too. Your mom needs you. No one wants you to die.. please don’t refuse to go ahead with this surgery, I beg of you”
Silence lingered as the only thing that could be heard was her sobs. She cried for some time then sniffed, raising her head from my chest. She wiped off the tears that stained her cheeks and I knew she had made a decision.
“I’m not doing it, honey. I’m not taking the surgery and that’s my final decision” she said and my heart sank.