*Grayson*
A soft breeze danced around the woods, the sound of rustling leaves the only noise I could make out. It had been six days since Keera had left the pack with her team. Six days since I’d forced myself to accept the harsh truth; that she wasn’t coming back. Not for me to end our mate bond, and certainly not for me to turn her. I’d spent the first two days of her absence, hanging on to the hope that my phone would ring from a call from her, or beep from a text that she’d sent. I’d wished for the goddess to make her realize the depth of her feelings for me.
I’d done everything but accept that this was the end for us.
But then two days had turned into four and four had turned into six and I’d had to come to terms with the fact that we were truly and completely over. If she wanted to, she would have been back to the pack by now. The fact that she hadn’t returned and she hadn’t bothered reaching out spoke volumes. I could only imagine the peace and clarity she’d gotten from spending days away from a race she had spent so many years nursing hate for.
I stood on the paddock, my gaze fixed on the serene lake before me. The sun was beginning to set, casting a warm orange glow across the landscape. I felt a sense of peace wash over me, but it was only for a second. It didn’t take long for it to be overshadowed by the ache that had been lodged in my chest since Keera left. I had barely been able to function, postponing and rescheduling meetings whenever I could. I stood staring at the lake for some time until I became aware of footsteps approaching from behind. The pacing was familiar, and I immediately knew it was Ryan.
I turned to face him, and our eyes met briefly before he joined me at the lake’s edge. He stood beside me in silence as we took in the peaceful scene. The lake was beautiful by this time of the day, the rays of sunlight reflecting colorful highlights in the water. I could sense Ryan’s gaze on me, but I didn’t meet his eyes, unsure I was ready for the concern I knew I would find there. Finally, he broke the silence, his words calculated. “We’ve been worried about you, Grayson.” He disclosed. “You’ve been gone a lot, locking yourself in your study or coming here and spending hours alone.”
His words floated in the air, and I felt a pang of guilt for shutting out those who cared about me. I turned to study him, taking in the lines of concern etched on his face. His expression was open, inviting me to share my thoughts. I searched his eyes, looking for any sign of judgment, but I found none. I took a deep breath, letting my gaze drop to the water as I finally allowed myself to confront the thoughts I’d been avoiding. I couldn’t carry on leading the lack like this. Not when there was suddenly a void in my chest that threatened to swallow me whole.
The pack deserved more.
They deserved better.
My thoughts shifted to Ryan and I reminded myself of all the times he had been supportive of me and of the decisions I took. He’d watched out for the pack without also compromising on my happiness. I took a deep breath, knowing the conversation wouldn’t be easy, and looked Ryan straight in the eye. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the pack and my leadership, and I’ve come to a realization,” I started, my voice steady. “I’ve decided that it’s time for me to step down as Alpha, and I want you to take my place.” Ryan’s eyes widened in shock.
I was willing to bet nothing had prepared him for what I’d just said.
His mouth hung open as he struggled to process my words. He was silent for so long I was worried that he’d been struck mute. He cleared his throat, eventually finding his voice. “Grayson, I. . . I can’t do it,” He stammered, shaking his head. I chuckled at how predictable he was. I had known he would immediately turn down my request. His eyes were filled with a mix of surprise and hesitation. He gave his head a shake as if to clear his thoughts. I let out a deep sigh.
“Ryan, you know my decisions have always been in the best interest of the pack,” I said calmly. “And right now, I’m being a shitty leader to them,” I confessed silently. “After everything they’ve already endured, they deserve more than that. They deserve better.” I paused, studying his reaction. “You’re one of the rational and compassionate members of our pack, Ryan. I truly believe you’d make a great leader.” Ryan looked taken aback by my words, but I could see the gears turning in his mind, as he questioned his own ability to take over as Alpha.
He shifted uncomfortably, his eyes darting around the lake before settling back on me. “Grayson, I. . . I need some time to think about this,” He said finally. I nodded, understanding his hesitation. Taking over the pack was a huge responsibility, and not one to be taken so lightly. I would have actually been bothered if he hadn’t asked for some time to think about it. Not to mention, his being Alpha would also mean Ginny would have to step up as Luna and Jax and Nyx would probably be chosen as the pack betas.
“Take all the time you need,” I agreed, choosing my next words carefully. “But Ryan, know that my decision is final. I’ll be stepping down, with or without you as my successor.” With that, I turned to leave, giving Ryan space to process the weight of my offer. Despite the fact that I’d thought through my decision over and over again, until I’d decided it was best for the pack, I felt nuggets of doubts creeping into my mind. Was I really putting the pack’s needs before my own, or was I only looking for an excuse to finally be with Keera? Was I truly being selfless, or was I just seeking a way out?
I arrived home, remembering Ryan’s words as I naturally made my way to my study. The house seemed bigger and emptier now that the team had left. I wondered if I had even crossed Keera’s mind like she’d crossed mine. Somehow it wasn’t difficult picturing what my life would be like, living with her in the city. Ginny had managed to fit in just fine while she’d been going to school there, and at such a young age compared to mine now. I had no doubts I would mix nicely with the humans, especially with Keera by my side.
Was that what this was?
Was I so consumed with the thought of spending my life with Keera, that I had somehow managed to trick myself into believing it was best for the pack? A knock sounded at the door, breaking me free of my thoughts. “Come in,” I called out, turning away from the window. The door creaked open, and Nyx slipped inside, shutting it behind her. Her eyes sparkled in the dim light, and her hair fell in soft waves down her back. “Nyx, what brings you here?” I asked, gesturing for her to take a seat.
I rounded the table and sat across from her, genuinely curious about her visit. We’d already had a conversation about Keera, and though it had only been for a fleeting moment since I’d actually stopped by her place to pick Ellie up, I hadn’t been expecting an actual visit. She settled into the chair opposite my desk, rubbing her hands and then setting it gently on the table. “How are you doing, Grayson?” She asked. I let her know I was fine, trying my best to sound convincing, but she gave me a knowing look. “I’m being for real. How are you doing?”
I sighed, feeling my mask slip. “I miss her,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. Her expression grew increasingly warm. I pressed my lips together, running my hand down the length of my face. “I love her Nyx,” I whispered torturedly. “So much. It feels. . . It feels as though I cannot breathe when she is not near.” Her smile, her laugh, the sound of her moans, everything amplified itself around me until I could have sworn my ache for Keera was physical.
Nyx leaned forward, her hands reaching out to cover mine. “What do you plan to do about it?” She questioned, her voice gentle but probing. What did I plan to do about it? I was grateful she was more concerned with knowing how I felt than with reminding me what my duty to the pack was. I didn’t think anyone was more worried about the pack than I was, but dear goddess, it was hard always having to put their needs and their happiness before my own. What was I going to do about it? She’d asked.
I measured my words before answering. “I’ve been thinking and. . .” I paused, and not for effect. The words were suddenly heavy and wouldn’t get passed my throat. “I want Ryan to take over the pack.” I finished, watching her closely for a reaction. Her eyebrows jumped in surprise, but she didn’t criticize my decision. A part of me had expected for her to finally drop the pack about caring about my well-being and reminding me what my duty to the pack was, but she only patted my hand, her touch warm and encouraging.
“Just think about it, Grayson,” She stated. “Make sure it’s what you truly want.” She stood to her feet, her movements fluid and graceful. “And Grayson, I need you to do yourself and me a favor.” She pleaded. I raised an eyebrow at her. “Put yourself first for once, yeah?” She whispered, her eyes locked on mine. “You’ve given so much to the pack, you deserve happiness too.” Her smile was empathetic, her eyes deep with understanding. “And I’m not talking about the happiness that comes with being a good leader.”
She turned to leave, but paused at the door, looking back at me with a serious expression. “You need to consider what will truly make you happy, Grayson.” She stared blankly at the wall. “You’ve sacrificed your happiness enough for the pack.” I watched her leave the room, a storm of emotions brewing violently inside me. Her words echoed in my mind, a confirmation of what I’d already come to realize myself. I’d been putting the pack’s needs above my own for so long. But was I ready to put myself first?
What would that even look like?
My entire life had been structured towards leading The Moon Valley pack for so long that I feared it was my only purpose. Did I even really want something else? I stood and paced around the room for a few minutes before coming to sit back in my chair. I ran my hands through my hair but I still couldn’t shake off the feeling that Nyx’s words had stirred within me. I needed to really think things through, to figure out what I truly wanted, and what would bring me happiness. I was in love with Keera, but maybe the goddess hadn’t destined for us to be together.
The pack, Keera, my own desires, everything was tangled together, and I needed to untangle the threads before I could move forward. Suddenly, I was seeing a bigger picture. A picture bigger than just Keera and myself. I might no longer be in the best position to lead the pack since I didn’t have my fated mate by my side and couldn’t bring myself to invite her to the pack for a rejection, but that also didn’t mean I had to keep chasing after someone who was bent on running away. I slammed the study door closed as I made my way to my room.
I knew what I had to do.