“I’m sorry, Okay.”
I grab a glass and start drying it up, mindful of the big biker standing just a few feet away. It’s now closing on eight and we’ve just finished with dinner which was from a fast food restaurant called Meaty pizza and doughnuts.
Zero sat next to Falon far away from me pretending I don’t exist while he laughed with Falon and Venus over some crap, which was fine by me.
Killer is still a no show but Aron has kept me busy. I spent dinner playing i-spy with him and Storm. I lost most of the time. The kid is cool but doesn’t like to lose, he also doesn’t like to bath which was fine by me. I wanted to ask Killer but decided he was probably busy.
Aron is with Venus and Texas in Killers room, setting up his PS4 as he calls his PlayStation. He wants me to play with them but I know I’ll suck at it so I asked Storm who has agreed to join us.
The past few hours have been Zero free thus far, but he’s here now.
“Don’t sweat it.” I shrug like its nothing and ignore him standing there as I continue to work on tidying up the bar and putting the snacks out.
It’ll be a few hours until the Houston Chapter arrive and I meet the mother chapter of the outlaw bikers.
Apparently, I am in for a night I won’t forget as Venus explained to me.
The Satan Snipers are 1percenters. They make their own rules and one of them is that The Satan Snipers love open sex.
I’m not surprised, I have been to parties before.
I have an idea of how bad things could get, but I didn’t voice any of this to the beautiful woman.
Aron is going to be sleeping by then, hopefully. I’m not sure I like all these guys around the kid, sleeping or not so I need to keep my eyes open tonight.
“Beauty look at me please.”
I spin around and stare at his sullen face,
“What do you want Zero?” I sigh, “My name is Beggar, it’s not beauty, it’s Beggar, okay, I said it was good. We good, we said what we had to say, don’t worry about it. How many times are you gonna keep apologizing?”
His face crumbles, and I feel that tug as my resolve slides a fraction.
“Until I stop feeling like shit.”
I nod once like I understand then turn back to my job. I don’t want him to be here. Why can’t he leave me alone? Zero is creeping in my thoughts, slowly stealing my mind a second at a time.
I’ve done good these last few hours. I haven’t thought about him, haven’t thought about his promises and kisses, I haven’t thought about his ultimatums.
This day with Zero has been a world wind of numerous emotions that are confusing and dangerous.
“Can’t we just go for a walk. And talk.”
I turn back to him, glad that my hair is tied up and huff,
“No, we can’t. I’m working. This job is important to me, Zero. I am a beggar and I’m homeless. I can’t go for walks. This is my life you messing with. The Satan Snipers gave me a job. Gave me a chance. People like me don’t get chances very often if ever. Please don’t ruin it for me, just go away, please.”
His eyes widen and I’m not sure what’s that look on his face.
Maybe regret maybe something else.
I’m not sure and I shouldn’t care.
So, why the hell do I want to know? But I can’t that’s the problem. He isn’t mine.
Zero is Falon’s man.
He is going to marry her. He should marry her. This feeling for me, it’ll fade, it has to.
He walks closer to me and I won’t lie, my knees feel like buckling in.
Zero doesn’t hold me, or touch me but for the kiss he places on my head.
His lips linger on my hair and I close my eyes.
Why? Why me?
“I’ll pick you up after work.”
He spins around and leaves before I can say no., I watch his leather covered form GO around the corner thinking what just happened.
My phone rings in my pocket at that very second. I put the glass down and take it out of my jeans already knowing who it is.
“Hello.” I snicker at how awful I must sound.
“Hold on a sec.” Killer ruffles something while I wait for him.
My back turned to the open space and my eyes trained on the various bottles of alcohol.
“What you up to? got tired of waiting for you to call.”
“I didn’t know you wanted me to call, I’ve been waiting for you to call me,” I smile but he can’t see it.
“Thank my impatience I didn’t keep waiting. Where’s my nephew at?” Killer asks in a low voice like he doesn’t want anyone to hear him. Ha.
“Setting up his PS4 in your room with Texas and Venus, I’m still on my shift.”
“Got some stuff I’m busy with, not sure if I’ll be back tonight, you think you can sleep with Aron for me. I feel like shit leaving the kid. David is going to shit bricks if he finds out I left his kid at the Clubhouse unattended.”
“I was going to anyway but then I heard you don’t want to sleep with me anymore.”
“What? Who told you that shit? Wait, Zero right.”
“Right.” I answer, my voice small but still damaged just like my soul.
I’ve gotten close to Killer; we have a connection that’s beyond simple friendship. We understand each other. And unlike Zero who wants to save me, Killer accepts me.
He doesn’t ask questions and I don’t lie.
He’s quiet for a minute and I would put the phone down if it wasn’t for his breathing.
“Beggar, I’ve known the guy for years, and I’ve never seen Zero lose his shit over any woman. Falon is, what you call it…”
“Perfect.” I answer.
“Fuck no, I was going for simple. Zero wants to settle down, she knows the life and won’t expect more than he is willing to give her, it’s simple. But you, I see the way he watches you, and I see the way you look at him when you think no one notices. The fact that he’s willing to break up with a sure thing for a girl who won’t even tell him her name is deep stuff Beggar. I think you should stop listening to what is right and what should be and start listening to what you want, and it isn’t me you want sleeping next to you.”
“Zero put you up to this didn’t he?”
He chuckles,
“Give my brother a chance, if you still feel you want me in your bed by the end of the week, I’ll gladly come. Now I got shit to do, look after Aron and make sure he baths, kid loves staying dirty.”
“Yeah, got it, see you when you get back, alive.” I emphasize the last part.
“Yes ma’am.” He laughs as I cut the call.
I return to my work, only this time nothing can keep my mind off Zero.
What a foolish man. I don’t hold back the smile that tugs on my lips as I finish setting up the counter with snacks.
It’s an hour later and finally I’m done for now.
Texas said the others will arrive about midnight so I’m free for the next few hours.
I get to the steps as Aron is walking down.
“Beggar, come on, you said you’ll play,” He whines, his head tilted to the side again. The boy just can’t help being cute.
“I’m comin’ kid.” I walk faster, two steps at a time. We turn the corner down the hall toward Killer’s room.
I get there and stop by the door as Aron runs in, throwing himself on the huge bed.
The light blue duvet is messed and I know he’s been jumping on the bed. Another thing Killer told me he can’t do.
Texas and Storm are sitting on a square box that resembles a couch in front of the bed immersed in the game.
They don’t take their eyes off the big flat screen t. v. that’s rooted on the light grey wall.
I make my way next to Aron, watching him stuff his face with popcorn, making even more mess and I sit on the end.
It’s clear why the kid loves it here and I feel a twinge in my heart for my baby girl.
She’ll be about his age by now. He offers me the bowl of popcorn but I shake my head.
“You gotta bath kid.” He has a fistful of popcorn in his little hand that’s half way to his open mouth.
His hair is hanging lifelessly to the front of his face and he just freezes.
Then everything happens so fast.
Aron throws the popcorn in my face, jumps off the bed, past Storm and Texas, knocking their drinks down and out the door.
“Aron, not cool,” Texas shouts.
I chase after him at the same time big burly hands catch his little body’s retreat and lifts him up.
“Uncle Logan put me down.” His legs kick out and his body moving like crazy.
My steps falter and I just stand there watching Zero.
He’s laughing as he tickles a crazy Aron,
“Are you going to run?”
“No, No, No.” Aron laughs, screaming in giggles. He is shaking like crazy. If you looking at them, you’ll think the kid might fall but with Zero holding him I know he’s safe.
Zero stops his onslaught and ruffles Aron’s hair finally noticing me.
The hunger in his eyes undoes me and for the first time in years I want to be touched by a man.
“I thought you left with Falon.” I walk closer to him, mindful of the little boy in his arms laughing.
“Nope, sent Den with her in a cage. Heading to Houston tomorrow for a few days.”
“Oh,” My voice drops. I didn’t think he was leaving.
“Come on let’s bath this little man.”
“I’m not little, I’m big,” Aron says.
“Big hey,” Zero taunts as he starts lifting a squealing Aron in the air. I stop in front of them, the minty scent from his body does something to me.
He puts Aron down and turns toward his bedroom with Aron in front. The kid runs into Zero’s bedroom and I speed up my steps expecting Zero to go in but he surprises me and turns to face me instead. His gaze is brimmed with lust and promise.
His body stopping me mid-step. I gulp and hard.
“Tell me your name!” And just like that I’m dropping my eyes to his chest.
“It’s Beggar.”
Zero doesn’t like my change in mood and cups my cheek in his big hand, using his thumb to lift my chin up.
The other hand is on the wall above my head. His hair is falling to the one side still slightly wet.
A small smile lines his lips, the same lips I’ve kissed today, the same lips I wish to kiss now.