SCARLET’S POV
I wonder where I got the courage to go on with this. Would he not feel trapped and pathetic, would he not wish I had told him this earlier on?
Or maybe it will be best if I just stop now.
Of course, I had ample opportunity to tell him this before making him my Chamlee.
I should have given him a choice to decide whether to go on with me or to willingly give up his position as the Chamlee. But I was too selfish and was only thinking about myself or maybe I was not even thinking at all.
Now it will appear as if I was trying to garner some self-pity. I hate being pitied. I despise the feeling of helplessness, having to remain at the mercy of some persons.
“I am listening, dear” he whispered with a cute smile.
The smile alone shredded me into pieces. I had no right to do this to him. I agree it was my past which I had no control over, but still, it will always remain a substantial part of me.
Seeing my reluctance, he added with no hint of disappointment. “You don’t have to talk now, you know. You can tell me anything whenever you feel like” he brought his hand over my shoulders and turned me to face him.
I looked at his charming and almost innocent face, and again I felt a rush of guilt. Even without knowing me, he adorned me still and will not want to disrespect my feeling.
No, he is just acting his role. Even though we are in a faraway land, away from Pixolands, he still knows where his place is. It hurts even more to know that he could not think of himself.
He drew closer and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. It felt heavenly to get his kiss even though it was not on my lips, be this close to him for the first time, and to have close body contact with him. I felt a spike of passion ignited within me.
For a very long time, we never attempted to be this close. It was clear that we were just acting a role and everyone knows the part that he was assigned to without being told. I was the Chamlu who had to take a Chamlee. And since he was ready and willing to keep his title, I felt obliged to help him retain it.
But it felt so real, his touch. The emotions it ignited that I didn’t even know were there. I could swear I felt Stake vibrate as a result. Why should I feel this way with him even when I have never stopped to think about him and whatever he represents to me?
Maybe it was not him, it should not be his kiss. Maybe my feelings right now have little or no connection with his person. It might be as a result of not having such closeness with someone for a long time now. It must be because of the emptiness inside of me.
“No… no, I will have to say this,” I said and was amazed at how ridiculous I had sounded.
I felt my cheek blush as his eyes searched through me. It felt so hot inside my stomach. I was tensed and it was glaring. I had always been that strong and immovable woman around him, but I think all that would have to end now.
Yes, I am a queen, but I am still a woman with some adrenaline stocked within me. I need a shoulder to lean on and confide in whenever I feel all alone.
“Are you sure about it?” he said looking deeply into my eyes for answers.
It was almost as if he knew what I wanted to talk about. However, I brushed the thought away. There is no way he would know about this.
“It is about my life” I began. “I… mean, my life… before here”
He remained quiet in front of me. I looked at him, but it was difficult to tell what he was thinking as his eyes were completely devoid of even the tiniest show of emotions. At one point, I thought I saw a look of worry on him, but it was not there the very next second. Or maybe I must have only imagined it.
“I was once married to the alpha of Black Moon, I was the luna…” I paused and tried to take in his look and seeing that nothing changed, I continued. “And then, so many things happened… my life…” I stopped, my voice was starting to get coarse.
He placed his finger on my lips as I was about to get emotional. “It is okay, dear,” he said.
“Are you sure? I want you to know everything” I was bewildered.
This is not something to discard, it might come haunting us someday and I would not want to regret not telling him everything at a time I had the opportunity to.
“Alpha Jake is a loser, and beta Tim is an even greater loser” he sniffed.
For a moment, it felt as if the whole world stood still. I opened my lips to speak, but it trembled instead.
“You…” I drew back. “How… did you?” I could still not find the right words. If he knew this much, why hasn’t he made mention of it or even leave a hint? And how did he even find out?
He sighed. “I should be the one apologizing to you for this. But we all know about you, all the elders…” he revealed.
“You knew?” I was stunned.
He sniffed. “Come on, you don’t expect us to make a random person our queen” he paused and looked at me. “See, when words about you got to us, we had to find out who you are. And sincerely, we are glad we accepted you. Nana can never be wrong” he smiled.
“Nana… you know her” I almost exclaimed. I was astonished. I don’t know whether to be scared or to be happy in this situation.
“Yes she is our great custodian” he paused. “For a long time after my mother passed, Pixolands had a hard time trying to get a woman to fill in but none could qualify. A queen of the Pixies should have a good heart and be extremely manipulative if need be. We needed someone that is fit for the throne. You are destined for this” he assured me.
I looked at him, I didn’t know if to be relieved or harbor some fear. Actually, I have been the one in the dark. “But why didn’t you…”
He cuts in and stops me from going on with my question. “I know just what you went through at the mansion and with Jake. I was not sure if it would be a topic you would like to share” he explained.
“Thank you” I murmured. The word came from a place in my heart that holds all my story.
Without replying, he reached for me and took me in his embrace. For once in my life, I know what it feels like to be truly accepted for who I am.