She was quiet for a minute, and then went on. “Believe it or not, I WAS worried about you, very much. After he finished… well… you know… I couldn’t get the image of the hurt on your face out of my mind. God James, it was nowhere close to how I had imagined it would go. I was so mad at the time, that I wanted to get back at you, but trust me I never wanted you to get physically hurt. When you passed out, I did see that the bullet hit the medallion. I would never have left your side, if it had hit you. You have to believe me…”
“That’s part of my problem right now, Caitlin, HOW CAN I trust or believe anything you say? I used to, completely and without question. Now, I’m not as sure.”
Sniffle, “I know. I am telling the truth, and just hope you can believe me.” She paused to blow her nose, and then went on. “After I figured out that things had gone horribly wrong, when he shot you, I went numb. I ran to your side, and the idea of life without you truly started to sink in. I remember thinking, ‘How could you do this to him? Isn’t he the one you love more than anything?’ The last thing I heard that jackass say, was asking if I was going with him. There is no way that was going to happen. I sat with you after you passed out, and checked to see if you were bleeding. I didn’t find any blood, and made that call to Shawn. I knew you wouldn’t want to see me right after waking up. Hell, if it was me, I know I wouldn’t. Honestly, that’s what I was thinking at the time. How could you look at me, and not be mad?”
I tried to digest what she was telling me. The rational part of my brain told me that what she was saying made some sense, even if the whole event still made none at all. I just didn’t have a clue as to why Cyrus would do what he did. I was still struggling with the emotional side of things though, and wasn’t likely to get over that anytime soon. I sighed, a very deep and slow sigh.
“I should go. I will call you later, ok? Bye, Caitlin.”
I hit the red hang up button, as I heard her saying, “I love…”
So much for making things better. I got some answers, but still not a happy situation with her right now. One thing was certain though. I was still going to get some revenge of my own. If I couldn’t make things right with my wife, at least I could try to get back at the one that started this mess. I left the park, and drove to Shawn’s again.
I asked him to follow me to my hangar, just in case Cyrus was near. I needn’t worry, the place was empty. I ran inside, and got as much valuable paperwork as I could about our partnership, as well as financial records for the company. I didn’t want him to have his hands on any of that. While there, I faxed a copy of the agreement to the lawyer, and then we left. I considered leaving a note for one of the other two that worked in the office, but decided against it. It was better to not involve them, not knowing if Cyrus was still coming to work or not. I would talk with them after Cyrus has been dealt with.
Once back at Shawn’s house, I fell asleep almost right away, out of pure exhaustion. He nudged me awake at about seven, and we had a quick Top Ramen dinner, before both going to bed. I had another fitful night of sleep, dreaming about horrible things. In one nightmare, I was flying and suddenly just falling… Another, I was watching my wife get reamed by Cyrus over and over again. I remember yelling out to her, only she never heard me, or acknowledged I was even in the room.
I woke up screaming, “NOOOO!” I looked around, and saw that the sun was just cresting the horizon, through the window. I was sweating like I had run a marathon, and was nauseous enough that I ran to the bathroom before I threw up all over the couch. I made it to the toilet, where I expelled the contents of my stomach. Shawn came running in, and stood in the doorway.
“DAMN dude, you scared the shit outta me! Are you gonna be ok?”
I grabbed some toilet paper, wiped off my face, and looked up at him. “Do I LOOK OK? I’m not sure I will ever be ok again.” I got up, flushed the toilet and washed my hands and face off. As I was exiting the bathroom, I apologized to Shawn. “Sorry man, I just had this horrible nightmare, and it felt so real. I couldn’t take it. I still can’t take this nightmare that I’m living.”
“Sorry man. Anything I can do to help?”
We walked to the living room, and both sat down. “Not really sure, man. Honestly, I might need to leave town after all. If I need your help, I’ll let you know though.”
“OK man, fair enough. I am going back to bed… fuck this early morning shit.”
With that, my friend walked back into his room and shut his door. It was still a bit early, but I was awake for the day now. I got up, brewed a pot of coffee, and took a shower. After drying off, I took a look in the mirror. I looked like the same me. Why is it that everything else seems to have changed, but I still look the same? I sure as hell didn’t feel the same. At least the bruise on my chest was going away.
I went back out into the kitchen, and poured myself a cup of coffee. Sitting at the table, I drank it in silence. It was probably the first time I was not thinking about anything at all, in a VERY long time. After finishing the cup, and pouring another in a travel cup, I left my friend’s apartment. It was about eight in the morning now, and I hoped that the lawyer would be at her office by now. I called, and found that she would be in at about nine. Shit, now what to do?
I decided to call Curt, and see if he had anything dug up yet. He said he had some information for me, and I asked if we could meet at his office before the end of the day. He told me to come down in about an hour, and he would share what he found.
Since I had an hour to kill, I decided to drive by my house. Nothing like forcing yourself to see the source of your pain, to remind yourself of what it is that you miss terribly. It being a weekday, she would likely already be off to work. As I got near, I saw her car in the driveway, and she was sitting on the porch. I drove slowly by, but she looked in a trance, holding a coffee mug. She just sat there, staring at the ground, as I drove off. I had been tempted to pull in and talk, but still didn’t want my anger to get the best of me. I was pissed, but I would never forgive myself if I hurt her physically.
I drove through a Starbucks, getting myself a third and final cup of coffee for the day. My engine stopped as I turned off the car, sitting in the parking lot at the lawyer’s office. It was about five minutes until nine, so I went in and sat down. The receptionist greeted me, and told me that Ms. Collins would be done with her current client shortly.