I drove to a nearby park, and left the car in the parking lot. I walked to a park bench, and sat for a while. Looking at the water, very gentle waves moving across the water, the wind just barely making its presence known. This was one of those times, when I would really enjoy just spending eternity in a single moment. It had happened before, but right now, I just wanted to enjoy this peace. I closed my eyes. I slowly inhaled through my nose, and the scent of nearby lilacs and honeysuckle was enchanting.
I kept my eyes closed. I felt my future slipping from my grasp, and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t know what the future held. Maybe that was what was bothering me more than anything else. For the longest time, I had a plan, and a dream that I was living. I KNEW. I just KNEW the path forward, and it included Caitlin and me growing old together.
Along those lines, I started to wonder. Could I forgive her? Could I get over the instant betrayal that she had gone along with? Could I forgive her enough to move on and live with her like we had before? I really wanted to. I did. The problem was that she had a chance to make this all go away, before it had even started. When my lying ass partner, decided that he wanted to play god, she could have confronted me. She could have shown me the RESPECT, the decency, to at least accuse me of cheating, before just letting that asshole put his cock in her.
About the only thing that didn’t really trouble me, was the sex itself. Yes, I was pissed that she let another man fuck her, but I truly believed that I was enough for her sexually. She never complained, and in this cheating, it wasn’t like she had gone searching for a bigger cock, or a new lover to make her feel special again. She did it out of revenge, albeit stupid and unnecessary.
STOP!!
I leaned my head back, against the bench, and told myself to just STOP. This was getting me nowhere. I would talk with her. I would allow her to present her case, but I was also under no illusions about my current attitude. I would not likely be able to be around her much right now, without wanting to just rage. I would call her, but only after I was able to truly calm down.
It turns out, spending about an hour sitting on a park bench, with no one bothering you, is VERY therapeutic. The warm weather, the Sun, and even the slight breeze all did their part. I finally felt an inner calm, the like of which I hadn’t enjoyed in a long, long time. I was prepared to call her, so that’s what I did.
She answered on the second ring. It was a very faint, “Hello? James is that you?”
I thought to myself that I could really verbally punish her, but just kept my voice an even tone. “Yes, it’s me.”
She immediately started crying, and it absolutely broke my heart to hear. I didn’t say anything immediately, but god did love hurt. FUCK!
She sniffled, “I’m glad you called. I miss you so much…” It sounded like she had more to say, but stopped herself before she could get it all out.
I was about to start comforting her, when I gave myself pause. Why had she left me after being shot? Why had she NOT tried to stop this madness before it got to the point that it did? So many unanswered questions! Sadly, I had to say something…
“Cait… I don’t even know where to begin, but I am sure we both have regrets. First, I have NEVER cheated on you, EVER! Did you even look at those pictures? That woman I was having sex with was you…”
She interrupted me yelling, “WHAT?!… NO!… oh my god… Cyrus, that ASSHOLE!” at that she broke into more sobs.
“It was from about a year ago, when we had sex out on the back patio. Someone must have snooped and taken the pictures.” I had to let her know how I felt now, or I might never get the chance. “I’m sorry you were deceived, but you obviously didn’t trust me enough to even come to me first, before…” I just let that thought hang. She said nothing in return, aside from her continued sobs. This was obviously not going to be easy.
Her sniffles slowed, and she eventually cleared her throat. “James, I am so utterly ashamed of myself, you have no idea. I know things between us haven’t been perfect lately, but I still want to be your wife. I never stopped loving you, not even when I thought you were cheating on me… I reacted so badly because I had thought that you betrayed me…” she started sobbing again, but went on through the tears. “Oh GOD… I’m so sorry James…”
I let her calm down again, before continuing. “The second thing that really bothers me right now, is why you just left me? You knew that he had shot me, and yet you called Shawn to come get me? What did you do, run off to find Cyrus…”
“NO,” she interrupted. “He wasn’t important then, or now. I never want to see that asshole again.”
“OK, so why did you leave me? Why didn’t you stay with me, to help me out? It was only by a complete miracle that the bullet hit my Saint Christopher’s medallion, hanging around my neck.”