Adea
I didn’t need him to tell me he wasn’t a good person. I knew he wasn’t. I’ve always known he wasn’t. A small part of me hoped he wasn’t all bad but I knew better. Everything that had happened today, everything I’ve seen, everything I’ve found out didn’t matter. It didn’t change anything.
I hate him. I’ve always hated him. Over the course of a year, I sometimes wondered if he regretted any of the things he’d done to me. I never thought I’d have the chance to ask him face-to-face because I had been determined to stay as far away from him as possible.
On top of that, he just confirmed that he didn’t regret any of it. Of course, he didn’t care that he was selfish. I should have already known that he didn’t think about the effects his abuse would have on me.
He wasn’t the one being touched and used. He wasn’t the one who had to live in constant fear of being trapped and unable to escape. Looking back on it, Shane was almost like fate. I couldn’t escape him. He was an unavoidable force that brought you to your knees and left you feeling empty and used. It didn’t matter how that affected me or how I felt about it.
He was right about one thing, he only had himself to blame. Everything he had done had been a choice. It didn’t matter that he’d been young or a child. He’d done terrible things and karma was coming for him.
The water sloshed between us as Shane turned around. I forgot how to breathe as he faced me. I stood face to lower pecs and my mouth dropped slightly. Shane wasn’t just well defined, he was ripped.
Where his back had been ugly and scarred, his front was beautiful and smooth. My mouth went dry as my gaze landed on the pierced light brown skin of his nipples. Silver hoops the size of a penny ran through his hard flesh.
Stray strands of water dripped from his firm pecs. I wanted to touch him. That thought alone was a slap to the face. I felt as if a bucket of water had been dumped on me. What the hell am I thinking. I couldn’t help but get angry. Angry at myself, angry at him. Angry at this fucked up situation I had found myself in. I wanted to scream and yell. I wanted to fight, I wanted to cry.
I focused on the hate and the anger. I pushed back the other emotions, the other feelings. I didn’t…. couldn’t go there. Quickly, the anger festered until it grew and threatened to boil over.
I was struggling to keep it in check when Shane’s warm wet finger lifted my chin upward. I didn’t try to mask my emotions or hide what I thought as our eyes met.
I gritted my teeth and glared into his deep black pools. Ignoring the way something fluttered in my belly. My neck ached and I strained to keep my chin tipped back as I stared up at him.
Holding his gaze, I was unwilling to look away at first. This felt like a pissing contest and I wasn’t going to quit. I couldn’t read the expression on his face but I could put a name to the emotion in his eyes. Shane was unapologetic.
For the first time since I’d come to Half Moon, something passed between us. Something hot and angry, something dark and alluring. His eyes dipped to my mouth and I fought the urge to wiggle under his gaze. His chest was still, his breath was nonexistent and I knew he was as lost in this moment.
I swallowed and tried to gain my bearings as I watched him. I refused to fall over the edge with him, I refused to let myself be swept up in the dark storm I felt brewing. Suddenly, his finger trailed over my bottom lip.
It still unnerved me when he reached out and touched me. I’d gotten used to my mate’s touch, as I should have but there was something about the familiarity I felt with Shane. It was ludicrous, I know but I was starting to realize my opinion of him might be changing.
Maybe it was a victim thing, maybe it was because of the abuse, maybe it was because I was struggling to separate the things I’d learn about him today from the things he’d done over the past year.
I’d been with him first, I’d been with him before Ethan. Had I had a choice? Had he asked me? Was it forced on me? No, no, and yes. That didn’t change the fact that I’d felt things for the first time with him, good and bad things, and my body remembered.
It had been a long time since I’d felt his skin on mine and in just one day, it was happening more times than I could count. He applied pressure on my bottom lip with his thumb as I stared up through my lashes at him.
I hate this, I hated this so much and yet I couldn’t move. I couldn’t push him away. I couldn’t tell him to stop. What made this so much worse was I didn’t know if it was because I needed this to happen for the plan or if I needed this to happen because I wanted it to.
I was thankful that I couldn’t hear my wolf and I was thankful I didn’t have her words, her thoughts, her feelings present. I didn’t need her here to know what she would have to say about this. Her opinion of Shane was clear, as is mine, or was.
Shane pulled my lip down until cool air caressed my gums. My heart thrummed in my chest as he slid his thumb over my top lip. Shane’s arms came around my waist and he pulled me close, so close that there wasn’t an inch of space between us.