Adea
Flicking my wrist, the wetness flew from my fingertips. I wouldn’t let myself continue down this line of thinking. That stopped now. Without another thought, I pressed my chest against Shane and buried my face into his back.
He stilled as I wrapped my arms around his torso and gave him a hug. Had Mavy given him a hug since he’d been back or were they at odds because he killed their parents? I couldn’t see Mavy hating him but I could understand if she did.
Nothing had changed and nothing was going to change. I would not be swayed. I couldn’t promise him anything but my heart ached for me to give him this one kindness. I squeezed him tight.
This was getting out of hand and fast. Not only did I need to get a grip on myself but also on my emotions. There wasn’t any room for this newfound pity and there sure as hell wasn’t any room for it in the plan.
There shouldn’t have been any pity when it came to Shane. I shouldn’t be feeling anything other than hate and remorse. After giving myself a mental slap, I brought myself back to the present where I stood with my arms tightly wrapped around my enemy.
“Who did this to you?” I asked.
I wasn’t expecting an answer, hell, I didn’t even know what I would do with it if I got one. Was there anything I could do? No, but maybe it would help him not be so crazy if he spoke about it.
I don’t think I even meant to ask but the question was out there. I held my breath as we stood in silence. I nodded my head when he remained quiet. He didn’t have to answer. I would understand if he didn’t want to talk about it too.
His hand rested on my wrist at his stomach. His breathing was slow and steady but I swear I could hear and feel his inner turmoil. Despite what I knew and despite what I agreed on, I couldn’t help the worry I felt.
“My father,” Shane started, “and before you start throwing me a pity party, don’t. The punishment I received when I was exiled only tore at older lashings. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t already used to losing count of what number last we were on. It happened so many times, I gave up on expecting anything else.”
Whatever or whoever I had been expecting it wasn’t that, it wasn’t him. Of all people, I was thinking a close family friend like his father’s Beta or Gamma. That’s who statistics usually pointed at.
Maybe even a teacher who dared but this? His dad? Alpha Joshua? The same man who I thought was kind and caring? It didn’t make any sense. I couldn’t see it no matter how hard I tried.
“When? Why? For how long?” I asked. Shane’s body vibrated as he laughed.
“Does it even matter now? It’s done with, it’s behind me and just in case you’ve forgotten, I’ve killed him. He’s not going to do anything to me ever again. I wasn’t scared of him. I was angry, angry at myself for being so weak. Never again. I’ve done everything I can to become as strong as possible. I’ve risen over the bar my father set for me. Now, I’ve taken my rightful place and I sit on his throne. Have you forgotten who I am? I’m the psycho killer who killed his parents. I’m not going to waste my breath trying to convince anyone that I’m a good boy with a battered heart who just wants to be loved.”
Even as he spat the words, venom leaking from them, I couldn’t help but think they were fitting. He could tell himself he wasn’t hurt or still hurting from what had happened to him but from where I was standing, I could clearly see the younger version of himself holding his bleeding heart.
He just sounded like a child crying out for help but he was asking the wrong person for help. I was here to hurt him and kill him. I didn’t come in here expecting to feel for him and these feelings of wanting to help him somehow just weren’t sitting right.
“I’m not going to lie to you, Ady. I never really have. I’ve always been this way and I’m not going to pretend that I’m a good person. I think we both know that I’m far from good. I’m not even going to tell you that I wanted to be nice to you back then because that would be a lie. I don’t have a nice bone in my body.”
“I know. I was there. I wasn’t asking you to lie to me. I wasn’t asking you to pretend to be good. As you said, you’re the farthest thing from good. You don’t have to try and convince me of that,” I said. Shane scoffed as if this were only the beginning.
“I enjoyed every moment I had with you, prized it, treasured it, locked every memory of you away in a box. Every night when I was alone and some nights when I wasn’t, I brought it out and replayed it. Your voice was on repeat over and over again in my mind. I coveted every little sound you made. I can still hear it, hear you,” Shane’s voice was low and full of lust.
“I’m not going to apologize to you for the things I’ve done because I’m not sorry. I’m not even going to try and play you because that’s just not me. What you see is what you get and baby, I’m a sick man. I’ve always known that and my wolf is just like me, if not worse. I’m not going to put the blame on anyone but myself. I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that I’d do it all over again if given the chance. My only regret is hurting you in the process.”