Adea
I was too stunned to speak. Ethan has never yelled at me but when he demanded I explained, his voice was loud enough to carry outside. No one was perfect but I was shocked to hear that Ethan thought this way. Was this all brought on because we saw Shane again? The last time the three of us were in the same room together had been the day of the trial.
“Fucking say something, please!”
“I don’t know, Ethan. I… ”
Goddess, what do I say? I don’t know if I could say that I love Shane and have him believe me. Passing it off as the truth is something else entirely. From the way Ethan’s looking at me, I don’t think I’ll have to do much to convince him. He would believe whatever I say.
“I don’t know if you know what the meeting did to me. Seeing the two of you across from each other. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you and it looked like you couldn’t stop either. I wanted to rip his eyes from his sockets and stuff them down his throat. It wasn’t just the fact that he stared at you but the way he looked at you. Yes, he’s obsessed, yes he’s toxic as fuck but fucking hell, Adea, he loves you!”
“I can’t control anyone’s actions but my own!” I raised my voice.
“A man doesn’t love someone without having had a reason to. Did you give him one? Before you became mine, did you give him a reason for him to hold on like this?”
“You already know we were together before. That was before he did the things that he did to Olivia and before he killed his parents. That was before you. Shane is obsessed.”
“Did you love him?” Ethan asked.
“I did nothing but obey my alpha,” I said. “At the time, that was all I could do.”
“Did you love him?” Ethan repeated. “Did you let him do those things to you? Did you want it?”
I don’t know how many times I’d asked myself these same questions. The way my heart thumped when I was in front of Shane before I came to Desert Moon. The way my body reacted to him. I never found an answer. I hated myself for the way I reacted. It had felt like a betrayal. I had feared Shane but did I ever hate him? It felt like a lifetime ago.
“It wasn’t that easy, Ethan.” This was the truth. It was never that simple. Nothing was when it came to being a slave under Shane. “Yes, I had feelings, but they were a jumble of feelings and the lines had blurred between the two us.” He was supposed to be like family but he never treated me like it. He always held me at arms length. I’ve long since put that behind me. I love Ethan now and only him.
“So, you did have feelings for him.”
“At one time, yes, I had feelings for him,” I said.
“You said when you saw him, you felt more,” Ethan’s voice was hoarse. His shoulders were tense and the look on his face was one of defeat.
“It’s been a long day and I think we need to end it here.”
I couldn’t bear to keep looking into his eyes while I lied and hurt him. It cut me deep. I turned from him, rolled on my side, and pulled the blanket up over my body. Tears filled my eyes. The bed dipped, and I rolled back an inch as the sheet was pulled off of me.
Ethan was on top of me, he leaned down and he had a hand on both sides of my head.
“No, we’re not going to end it here. What did you mean you felt more?” I had no choice but to turn on my back and the tears streaked down my cheeks as I look up at my mate.
“When I saw him again, I did wonder if things could have been different.”
I didn’t say anything else. I left it open for interpretation. Ethan flinched at my words. His brows furrowed with hurt, his eyes widened, and he looked as if I’d slapped him. His lips parted but nothing came out, the words died on his lips.
Ethan threw his head back and a painful roar filled the air. It was my turn to flinch as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the bed. His breath was hot against my neck. It felt as if we were frozen in time. In one swoop, Ethan was above me again.
“You asked me if you were enough and I told you you were. Now, I want to ask you the same thing. Am I enough for you?” Ethan asked.
I turn my head to the side and squeeze my eyes shut. How can he even ask that? Does he really doubt me that much? Goddess. I know this is good but it hurts. It hurts so much.
His hand is on my chin and I’m forced to look at him. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth and I realized I bit my lip hard. My mate crushes his lips to mine and I can’t help the sob that escapes. He swallows it and kisses me fiercely. I lift my hands and push against his chest. It’s nothing as they bounce off his chest. He grabs my hands and holds them above my head. I’m defenseless under him but I have no fear. Ethan would never hurt me. It doesn’t matter how angry he is. I know him. He bites my lip and I cry out. I’m not even angry. I’m hurting him.
“I can do everything for you, Adea. Ask me for anything and I’ll give it to you but this, not this.” Ethan growls. He kisses me before pulling back. “The Moon Goddess made you for me, she blessed me with you. That’s my mark on your neck, it’s my bed you sleep in, it’s my pups you’ll have. I’m sorry. I love you too much to let you go. I won’t let him have you. I can’t.”