Adea
Was it possible to be happy and sad at the same time? My chin trembled and I clenched my jaw to stop it. Tears blurred my vision and I blinked hard and fast as I cursed the tears and fought to keep them from overflowing. I love this man so damn much. What did I do to deserve him? His words and comforting and reassuring.
“This has nothing to do with Shane.”
My voice is low and I’ve done my best to rid it of all emotion. Confusion flashes across his face as he hears the difference in my tone. I feel like such a bitch for ignoring everything he just said. My stomach drops. With one sentence about Shane, I’ve totally disregarded his heartfelt words. Even with that, my mate doesn’t look hurt. He was still kneeling while he stares up at me as he tries to be understanding.
“Tell me. What does it have to do with, My Queen?” Ethan asked.
“It’s as I said. I don’t want to have pups. Not now, not ever.”
“We’ve talked about pups before. You were ok-”
“I don’t want something that will take over my life. Pups would do that and it would change us. It would strain our relationship. I have things I want to do, places I want to say. How can I do any of that with a pup?”
“I… I don’t know where this is coming from. Pups aren’t the easiest to deal with but… nothing in life worth having is easy. As for the things you want to do, I wholly support you. We can and will do all of it, everything. Even with pups. Can’t we do all of it together? As a family?” Ethan asked.
“You say that now but would you still stay it when we’ve had more sleepless nights than we can count? Traveling with pups will be difficult, the screaming, the crying,” I shake my head, “A family would only complicate things. Pups would demand our full attention and we would have less time together.”
“Can we talk about this? Please?” Ethan asked.
“You are enough for me. Am I not enough for you?”
“You are baby, you are more than enough,” Ethan asked as he pulled my hands to his chest.
“A child will only bring death to our loved ones. I’ve seen it.”
At this, a look of confusion spreads across my mate’s features. He leans back and searches my expression, looking for the punchline. When he doesn’t find it, my hands drop to my lap as he stands to his feet.
“Is this true?” He asked. I nod. “When?” When I don’t respond, his eyes drop to the floor as he thinks. “Is this what the nightmare was about? The one I had to shake you to wake you from?”
“Yes.”
Lies. All lies. My mate thinks for a second. I was expecting anger or for him to be upset.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, his voice was quiet. I’m caught off guard for a second and I struggle to find the right words. “It could be wrong, all of it could be wrong.”
“Everything? From the very beginning?” I shook my head. “My dreams aren’t just dreams, Ethan. We both know this. I won’t pretend that everything is a coincidence. This isn’t our first life together. This isn’t the first time we’ve faced off against Shane. He will stop at nothing to get what he wants.”
“You,” Ethan said. I know the bite is meant for Shane and isn’t directed towards me.
“He is what we should be focused on.”
“We’ve focused on him long enough. It’s more than what he deserves. Longer even than necessary.” My mate is trying to remain calm but I can see this is bothering him. He turns away from me and starts pacing in front of the bed.
“When I saw him yesterday, I…” I trail off. I don’t know what to say. Ethan stops in his tracks. I can’t even hear him breathing. He’s misunderstood, I can feel it. Instead of making it better, I don’t.
“You what?”
Ethan’s voice is low and quiet. He turns around and I can see the storm brewing just below the surface. My mate has never spoken about any insecurities but now as he faces me. I can see it and it’s as clear as day. He thinks I might feel something for Shane.
When I don’t say anything, he stalks back to me. Ethan stops a little more than a foot away. His chest rises and falls with each angry breath he takes. While I’m doing the exact opposite, my breath catches as I crane my neck to stare up at my mate.
The look on his face almost shatters my resolve but I remind myself this anger he’s feeling is proof he’s alive. I would rather have him hate me than to be selfish, keep him by my side, and no longer have him living in this world.
“Is there something I need to know? I’m trying hard not to doubt you. I never pushed you about it because it’s none of my business and I didn’t want to push you to talk about the abuse. You’re making it hard not to second guess everything that I know to be true.”
“The night we met, you told me you were seeing someone. You told me you weren’t dating him but you guys had done things together. When I found him on you, my wolf and I moved at the same time. All we saw was someone dared to touch what was ours. I knew from the trial that Shane had been abusing you for some time. I never wondered if you wanted it. If you loved him. Was it or was it not abuse? Was there something there? Was there more to your relationship than you let on?” When I didn’t answer, Ethan spoke again. “Explain! You what, Adea?”