Ruby’s tears flowed freely. The pain and anguish she felt was unbearable as she desperately held onto Jaxon.
She felt like she was drowning in pain and he was the only thing keeping her afloat. At that moment, Jaxon was her anchor, and the heartache she felt almost went down a notch.
She greedily inhaled his fresh scent as she buried her face in his chest. Jaxon ran his fingers through her hair as she cried in his arms.
“I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault. I should have done better, fought harder and made a backup plan before leaving then all of this would not have happened.” Ruby softly mumbled and Jaxon shook his head in denial.
“Nothing is your fault Gem. You are the victim, you did your best to defend yourself but they played dirty and there was no way you would have known.” Ruby fought to keep herself together as the weight of his words sank into her mind and a choked sob left her mouth. The memories of the bad experience threatened to consume her and she cried uncontrollably.
Jaxon didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to say. He was confused, he didn’t understand why she started to cry harder after listening to him. Did he say the wrong words? Was he being pushy? Jaxon groaned in frustration.
“Please forgive me, I’m so sorry! I feel so dirty and used. I feel disgusted with myself. Why are you holding me so tightly? I’m tainted!” Ruby shouted hysterically and tried to push Jaxon away from her.
“I’m so sorry I allowed him to touch me, I feel so pathetic, I couldn’t fight him off, I feel so useless! I couldn’t do anything as he ran his hands all over my body and stared at me with his disgusting eyes. I allowed him to stare at my body, I’m disgusting.” Ruby’s words were like poison, she was slowly killing herself as she spewed each self depreciating word. Her voice was filled with hatred as she repeated the word “disgusting” like a chant over and over again.
Jaxon felt like his world was crumbling before him. How did they get here? How did his sweet wife turn into this shell of self loathing?
Did she not know that he loved her? Why was she blaming herself for someone else’s mistake? Her sister was the disgusting one for coming up with such a plan and executing it.
It was all Kim’s fault! Jaxon’s eyes were blazing with fury. As he softly held Ruby.
“Listen to me Gem. You have nothing to apologize for, it was not your fault but Kim’s. She is the disgusting one for coming up with such a vile plan, she is the one who needs to apologize and ask for forgiveness not you. That man was stronger than you. There is nothing you could have done to stop him from touching him. You are the victim and not the perpetrator. ” Jaxon said softly and Ruby kept crying.
“I hate myself! I’m the worst. I’m such a terrible person. I allowed myself to be tricked! I left the contract at home even after I watched you destroy yours. I’m so stupid.” Ruby emotion tore through her body like a tornado, she felt like screaming and clawing at her skin in disgust. She kept mumbling about how much she hated herself.
Jaxon froze in shock, his heart was breaking as he heard Ruby breakdown into despair. His gaze filled with a mixture of sympathy and helplessness as he longs to take away her pain.
“You are not. You are the most gorgeous, intelligent and caring woman I have ever met. You are not stupid, you are beautiful, I love your body and I love you.” Jaxon softly whispered into her ears.
“I’m so sorry for being the worst partner ever, I cheated on you. I’m so sorry I allowed him to touch me and see my nakedness. I’m so sorry, you deserve better than a wife who has had oral sex with another man. I’m the worst! How could you still defend me?” Ruby felt disgusted in her own skin, she felt used.
Jaxon was tired of her criticizing herself. His face held a silent plea for her to stop, his lips twisted in a grimace of sorrow and empathy. He felt like the worst partner on earth.
He couldn’t protect his wife, he had failed to keep her safe. Jaxon was disappointed in himself. If only he had stayed back and worked from home all this wouldn’t have happened. He regretted leaving Ruby alone at home.
“Because I don’t care! I don’t care about all that. You are still you! You are still the woman I fell in love with and the woman I love with my whole heart. I won’t leave you just because you said so while having a breakdown. I know everything that happened and I still want you. I love you, Ruby, and nothing can change that.” Jaxon cupped her face as he uttered each word with conviction while staring deep into her eyes.
“You should! I don’t deserve you! I don’t deserve your love, care, or affection. I’m a failure, I failed to protect myself and keep my body for you alone. I’m disgusting…” Ruby’s voice was laced with raw despair and each word felt like a blunt knife was stabbing at Jaxon’s heart.
All his words seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. He wished he could get his hands on the bastard again, he would make him die a million times for what he had done. Jaxon angrily pulled Ruby out of his arms. He placed his hands on her shoulders and made her look into his eyes.
“You are not allowed to look down on yourself. You are my wife, you belong to me. I chose you! I chose to love you and I promised to always be by your side!
Your heart, body and soul belongs to me Gem, how dare you insult my possession? I love you, Ruby, and nothing can get between us. I love you today, tomorrow, and always. You are stuck with me for life.” Ruby whimpered as she softly cried and Jaxon pulled her fragile body into his arms.