I couldn’t voice my answers to Carl so I just walked to the edge of his bed and sat on it. I palmed my face and cried to my hearts content. I feel Carl squat before me then he holds my hand and I feel his aura calm.
“Thea, I’m sorry if I’m being too hard on you but I want you to see the future from my lens. If you let it be easy for Angel now you will get yourself in a circle of forgiveness because he will do bad things again and again and expect you to forgive him each time.” Carl spoke gently and before he could utter another word a knock lands on the door startling us.
None of us moves to answer the door even as the knock intensifies.
“That’s your man right?” I shake my head to say I had no idea.
“Wipe your tears I’ll get the door.” Carl says and walks to open the door, the moment it opens I see a pissed off Angel peering through the slightly parted door. He looks like he was trying his very best to keep his cool after giving a side eye to Carl.
I quickly stand up from the bed and walk a bit into the room. For some odd reason I was scared of him. Angel walks into the room and stands before me. His aura exuding anger and possession. Possession of me.
“I’ve been calling, why ain’t you picking?”
“I didn’t hear the calls come in.” I was lying straight to his face making him look stupid. I could tell he was pissed off by the lie.
“What are you doing here?”
“I come here often Angel. Carl is family to me and I keep him company from time to time.” Silence falls between us as Angel gives me an intense and pissed off look. He withdraws his gaze to look at Carl.
“Wait for me outside.” He finally said and I got worried.
“Why would I leave you alone with him?” I argued and he squinted dangerously at me. In all this Carl remained silent.
“Why won’t you? I just want to talk to him.”
“What’s so important that you can’t say in front of me?” I continued to resist getting more on his nerves.
“I said wait outside.” He drags his words. Carl nods at me asking me to comply but I’m hesitant.
“Thea, just go.” Carl pleaded.
“If you do anything funny to him….” I hold myself from speaking further realizing I could make things worse. Why was I so scared of Angel? Maybe the things Carl said to me made me look at him differently now. I leave the room without completing my sentence and wait outside in high hopes.
After waiting outside for some minutes, Angel finally comes out. I tried not to act desperate by going in to check on Carl even though I was so worried.
“What did you tell Carl?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Really?” I express my disappointment but he doesn’t seem to care instead he gets pissed off.
“How could you lie to my face Thea?” I’m not stupid you know that. Why weren’t you picking my calls and why did it take you so much time to answer the door!” He yells and I remained silent not knowing how to defend myself right now because telling the truth would implicate Carl and not telling the truth would make Angel suspicious.
“Answer me.” He said in a frustrated tone.
“We were discussing.” I said being careful not to bulge the truth.
“About?”
“Not something you should know.”
“You’re hiding things from me now?” Angel asks hating this side of me I was showing. Things were going quite well and now I was giving him this attitude. When I don’t answer him he punches his fist into the wall scaring me.
“What exactly were the both of you doing in there! Give me a fucking answer Thea!” He was angry and I was scared and shocked at the same time.
“If what I think is really going through your mind then you’re wrong Angel. I can never be like you. If you’re insecure about my loyalty to you then go fuck yourself. I’m not dirty.” I yelled back hating the fact that he thought I was cheating on him. I turned around to leave unable to take the insult but then I heard him call my name weakly almost like he was in tears. He suddenly wrapped his arms around me, hugging me from the back.
“I swear to God I don’t want to loose you Thea. I know I hurt you so much but you said you were going to forgive me. I don’t care how long it takes but whatever you do don’t hurt me in the way I hurt you with Natalia.”
I felt even more insulted so I shrug his hand off me. I turn around to give him a piece of my mind.
“Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m not dirty like you. Never you put me on that level.”
“I’m sorry.” He quickly apologized with tears spilling from his eyes.
“You better be.” I say and try to leave again but his voice stops me.
“I don’t know what Carl must have said to you to make you react this way now but I hope you don’t change your mind about me. I’m very imperfect Thea, I know this but I do my best now to be worthy of you. I’m so in love with you Thea. I love you more than anyone. You’re the most important person in my life. I can’t do life without you. I’d be miserable. You control me.” He said all that in one breath tearing up as well. He was so vulnerable and I could see that clearly. I get really emotional and teary as well. I feel so much pity for the way I had treated him just now, I had seen him as a really evil being because of the things Carl said to me. I move closer to him touching his shoulder while I tear up.
“You control me too, maybe more than I control you.” I said because I was already getting soft on him despite everything Carl said.
I palm my face to tear up more and Angel hugs me into his embrace filling me up with his homely and intoxicating scent.
“I don’t know what to do Angel. I’m so confused.” I lay myself vulnerable before him as well. He drives his fingers into my hair and strokes me gently bringing a soothing feeling to my soul.
“All these was a misunderstanding but I did you wrong beyond forgiving. I’m selfish to still want you to forgive me but that’s it Thea, I’d rather be selfish than lose you.” He spoke his truth and I loved him even more. I hold his hand and wipe off his tears. He does same to me and we both place our foreheads in each other. He kisses me and drops some on my knuckles as well.
“I need to go pack up.” I whisper and he nods letting me go with one more kiss to my lips.
Angel was chaos and everything wrong yet I found peace in his chaos.