Thea
After breakfast, I headed for Carl’s room to inform him that I was going to be away for three days with the others. Florentine already gave us some briefings about it and all that needed to be done was to get ourselves ready.
I had knocked on Carl’s door for a while and was wondering why he was taking so much time. Maybe he wasn’t in. As I turned my back to leave, the door suddenly opened and a maid stepped out startled. She hid her face and hurried out. Then came Carl with a satisfied grin on his face, man was having the time of his life tasting all these maids and Florentine had her complains about him but one couldn’t blame the maids, Carl was a catch and he loved sex. He was ready to serve their needs.
“Hey, Thea. Good morning.” He greeted wiping his jaw and looking down on me with the remnant of lust he had yet to be satiated.
“Wipe that look off your face or I’ll cut your dick off and shove it down your throat.” I threatened and he couldn’t help but laugh.
“Come on in.” He invited tilting his head in the direction of his room as well. I stepped in and and stood at the center of his room with my fingers woven into each other while I got ready to speak.
“I’d say you’re quite early to keep me company today. I like that.” He grinned and I huffed causing doubt to appear in his face.
“I came here to tell you that we were leaving for the penthouse today.” I said having informed him about it before. His face shrinks to a frown and his eyes avoids mine showing his displeasure.
“The penthouse. I see….” He mutters and just then my phone began to buzz. I take a glance to see it was Angel calling. I had left the dining in a haste even when he tried to have an audience with me. I didn’t want him knowing I was going to Carl’s room, I sensed he would be jealous for no good reason.
My phone keeps buzzing to the point that I couldn’t ignore anymore so I pick up to answer.
“Where are you?” Angel asks getting all possessive. I take a deep sigh and think of something fast to say.
“I went somewhere.” I simply say and he breathes deeply over the phone.
“Where are you Thea?” He repeats the question but this time in a more demanding tone.
“I’ll call you once I’m done.” I said and hung up. I look at Carl’s face and he had suspicion written all over him.
“Who was that?” He asks looking very serious. I sigh not knowing what to tell him. “Angel?” I’m a bit surprised by the guess but end up nodding in response.
“What’s your relationship with Angel now?” He asks taking a step forward to me. I can tell he’s being very serious and already pissed as if he knew the answer already.
I chuckle and gulp hard before speaking. “What do you mean. Nothing good.” I lie but he scoffs and punches a fist into the air.
“Don’t fucking lie to me Thea, as you know I fuck maids everyday and hear gossips out of it.” He burst out startling me. I’m not stupid not to know that he was telling the truth. Angel was too clingy and maids were even more clingy, I was certain they had seen Angel and I at one point. Maybe when we even kissed. I was filled with guilt if Carl heard of those details.
“I’m sorry carl.” I say in a cracky voice. My voice was getting teary already knowing how displeasing the news would be for Carl. Carl held one hand in his waist and the other covering his jaw as he looked away from me. He returned to look at me, disappointment enveloping his face and the raw look of hurt like I had just betrayed him. He moves his hand slowly away from his face and gives me a disbelieving look.
“What if he succeeded in killing me? Huh? Would you still go back to him?” He yelled at me and I couldn’t even look at him. I felt ashamed of myself.
“Did you even consider your mum, her sleepless nights. Did you even know how many times she was admitted to the hospital?” He continued and I looked at him shocked at his latter revelation. What did he mean by my mum had been admitted to the hospital? She never even mentioned that while she was angry at me for falling in love with Angel.
“What?”
“Yes Thea! She almost lost her life. You’re her only child and Angel frustrated her efforts to getting you back. Your mum was traumatized Thea!”
“Please stop yelling.” I plead as a single tear drops out of my eyes. Did Angel know about this? Did he keep me away from my mum despite knowing how it was affecting her health?
“No, I have to speak some sense to you. You’re just going to give in easily to him Thea. Angel is bad for you.”
I remain quiet processing the whole thing. My heart breaks badly for my mum and the shock of almost losing her caught up with me. I had questions for Angel but then I couldn’t get angry at him now knowing that nothing had happened to my mum. She was fine and I had Angel and stupidly that was all that mattered to my heart and not the ‘what if’s.”
“Are you paying attention Thea, what if Angel succeeded in ruining my life and yours, would you still love him?” I shake my head knowing that the answer in my heart wasn’t negative. I mean how could I know when nothing actually happened.
“I’m too weak Carl… I’m just too weak. I love him.”
“Fuck that!” He yelled punching his fist into the wall. I walk up to him in tears trying to see his bruised hand but he pulls it forcefully from me.
“Carl please.”
“Can’t you see that he doesn’t deserve you?
You give in to him so soon and guess what? He’ll do bad things in future and you’ll forgive him again because you were able to forgive such great evil against you!” Carl spills his guts panting. He moves closer to me, cupping my cheek and giving me a concerned look. “Angel isn’t a good person Thea, he’s a mafia boss. Ruthless, heartless. He’s evil. You don’t want to know the things he does behind closed doors. Wake up Thea. Have some dignity.”
Carl’s says, his intentions clear through his tone and words. He never wanted to see me back with Angel. He wanted me to move on with my life but how could I ever move on from Angel when he was a part of me? I loved that man’s soul and it will break me apart to live without him.
“I don’t know what to do Carl. I’ve never been in love. It’s my first time….”
“Doesn’t mean you should be so softhearted.” He speaks sharply but I feel so not understood. Maybe if he had loved someone to the magnitude I loved Angel he would understand why my heart chose Angel no matter what he had done to me. “Tell me, why was it so easy for you to forgive him?” Carl asks, his eyes desperately searching for answers as he looked genuinely confused.
“I didn’t just forgive him. I’m still trying to….”
“… But you gave in easily.”
“Because I wanted to heal from all the pain. I was tired of feeling hurt okay?” I cried. “I’ve suffered so much Carl and Angel’s life is constantly in danger. I do not want to hold grudges anymore. I want to enjoy whatever time I have with him.” I pour out my heart only for Carl to scoff my reasons away. I accept the fact that he’ll never understand me or be able to relate so I sniff back my tears and wipe the ones that lined my face.
“I don’t expect you to understand.” I said trying not to look at him. ”
“Look Thea, Angel’s life has always been in danger even before you came into his life. Get that deep into your head. He’s not dying anytime. You have all the time to punish and enjoy him later.”
“I don’t have the heart Carl.”
“You’re selfish!” Carl yells sending me into a frozen state of shock and speechlessness. My heart shatters at the ascribed quality. Was it truly selfish of me to want to be happy after having suffered so much? Who wouldn’t want to experience happiness with the man they loved after knowing all of it was a misunderstanding. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault but I paid the most price for it. I was the offended and deserved the right to choose to be happy regardless of what ought to be the right thing to do.
“What?” I whisper.
“Yes, you heard right. You only think about yourself and not your loved ones that he hurt. I know I can’t bet on it that you wouldn’t go back to Angel if he had got rid of me but what about your mum, what if you lost her, would you still love him?” A great surge of guilt washes all over me, he was tapping into my emotions and torturing my conscience with it.
“Don’t put my mum in this.”
“Why don’t you give a fucking answer!” I startle again having my heart sink into my belly.
“Or do you love him that much?”
I remain speechless searching my heart for answers. No matter what happened, I couldn’t just erase whatever I felt for Angel. Even the hate I felt for him when I lost our baby didn’t override the love I had for him but then there were limits to everything.
“If something like that had happened that would be the end for Angel and I.” I state boldly.
“I’m surprised to know that. If that’s the case you should act like one who would actually do that now. You said you spoke with your mum and she was disappointed in you. I’d be disappointed too. Do the right thing Thea.”
“I’m confused on what to do. My heart wants him. No, every single thing I’m made of wants Angel. You think I don’t consider these things? but love is a bastard too Carl.” I said amidst my tears. “I feel controlled. You have no idea what it feels like to be in love with Angel. I’m too vulnerable.” I said recounting when I said those exact words to Florentine
A moment silence reign between Carl and I before he decided to break it. .
“You think any of those folks care about you? I’m sure they want you back with Angel not for your sake but for Angel’s sake. They love Angel not you. Do you think Cassie would want her sister to forgive a lover who treated her like that, do you think Camilo would want that? Do you think Florentine would want her daughter to be with someone like Angel? Let me ask you this Thea. Do you think Angel would want that for his sister or daughter ?”
Carl strikes a nerve with all his questions, I sit on these questions and contemplate their answers. Everything I conclude doesn’t please me. I decided to be brutally honest with myself and none of them would want Angel to happen to their daughters or sisters. I would never want my child to be with someone like him after everything he put her through. I’d fight them tooth and nail.
Angel was a walking red flag but he was the kind of red I loved and I was doomed for it.