Only the rhythmic sound of the grandfather clock in the corner interrupted the quiet of the early morning. Curled up on the window seat, I had a throw blanket around me, and I was looking out at the first splashes of light that brightened the sky. These days, sleep has been hard to come by, my nights filled with a mix of my personal nightmares and the recollections of Lucy.
The soft noise of floorboards warned me of Alessandro’s presence just before I noticed him. Approaching the living room, his hair a mess from sleep, worry lines on his face at seeing me.
He softly queried, “Nightmares once again?” while still keeping a fair distance yet close enough to comfort me if the need arose.
I agreed, mustering a slight grin. “Yeah. The usual popular selection’s compilation.’
Alessandro’s face relaxed as he understood what was going on. He moved unnecessarily to the kitchen, allowing me to hear the low sounds of him at work. A couple of minutes later, he turned up with two mugs filled with steam.
“Hot chocolate,” he said, providing me with one of the mugs. “My nonna maintained that it was good for driving away bad dreams.”
The rich scents of chocolate overwhelmed my senses when I held the mug, feeling an immediate rush of appreciation for how thoughtful Alessandro had been. I grumbled, “Thanks,” while being very intentional about my sip. A sense of warmth spread throughout me, easing me in ways that went deeper than physical sensations.
Alessandro sat in an armchair not far away, near enough to talk but also preserving that reverent distance he naturally knew I required. As the outside light changed, we enjoyed a comfortable silence over our hot chocolate, watching the world come back to life.
“I’ve been wanting to ask,” I said at some point, my voice nearly too faint to hear. “How are things going with… everything?”
For a moment, Alessandro looked surprised, followed by a rueful smile. “Honestly? There are days that are more successful than others. I have times when I think I’ll open my eyes to a hospital bed again, the whole situation just seeming like a strange dream from whatever drugs I was on.
The things he said awakened something in my heart a flashback to sitting by his hospital bed, attentive to the steady rise and fall of his chest, desperately wanting him to come back to awareness. It felt like a lifetime ago.
I expressed, “I’m sorry” and felt that the words did not adequately convey what I felt. “A lot of my attention has been on my own issues, so I’ve not really checked in on how you’re making it through all this.”
His dark eyes, shining with warmth, flickered as Alessandro shook his head. “Hey, no apologies needed. We’ve all been through a lot. And you’ve had an abundance of challenges to cope with.
I gestured a nod while staring down into my mug. “Still, I… I want to tell you that I admire your support. The way you allow for space when it’s necessary, while remaining present whenever I want conversation. It means a lot.”
When I turned my head back, Alessandro had a facial expression that I found difficult to read. I experienced a warmth, coupled with something deep that made my heart jump.
“I’m glad,” he said softly. “I realize what it’s like to need room to deal with situations. When I came out of the coma… well, I think it’s fair to say I was a tough patient to manage.”
I chuckled quietly, as I remembered. “Oh, I remember. You attempted to walk out of the hospital at least three different times.
There was a glimmer of Alessandro’s old self in his eyes as he grinned. “Four times, actually. Your last effort was during your coffee outing. I nearly got to the elevator before a nurse stopped me.
It occurred to me how vividly the moment came back running to Alessandro’s room with two terrible cups of hospital coffee, only to find him under the critical gaze of a nurse as he was being wheeled back to bed. That moment’s fear and relief flooded back into me, and I was blinking away tears.
Noting my change of emotions, Alessandro said warmly, “Hey.” “I’m truly sorry, I didn’t intend to remind you of bad memories.”
I nodded my head and rubbed my eyes. “No, it’s not that. It’s just… I was so scared, Alessandro. While you were in that coma, I kept thinking back about all the things we didn’t discuss, all the occasions that we might not get to live through. And upon waking up, I was overwhelmingly relieved, but also felt fear that we’d somehow lost a part of you, that you might not be the same person.
Alessandro took a moment of silence before his face became marked with thought. Then, he put down his mug and moved forward, with his elbows on his knees. “Can I say something to you?” he asked.
I nodded, curious.
‘In the coma, I dreamt these…. Most of them seemed disordered and hard to understand. Still, there was one that kept popping up. I was stuck inside this confusing maze of mirrors, each reflection indicating a modification of who I am. I repeatedly sought out the actual me, but every occasion I thought I located it, the image would become fragmented.
There was a pause, his look far away, as if he were replaying the memory. In every rendition of my dream, I’d notice a voice. Your voice. Generating a call which invites me to come back. I would know which reflection was the true one all of a sudden. I would walk through the mirror and… that’s quite often when I’d rise from sleep, only for a moment, before going back under.”
There was a lump developing in my throat. I whispered, ‘You’ve never mentioned that before.’
Alessandro smiled softly. I wasn’t confident it was real or just my mind being deceptive. I am aware that your voice along with your presence helped anchor me. “Provided me something to return to.”
His strong look made my heart skip a beat. Imagining closing the space between us, I felt drawn to falling into the comforting and secure side of what he represented. Still, the recollection of Chase’s betrayal rose gently, causing me to pull away and tighten the surrounding blanket myself.
If Alessandro recognized an inner turmoil, he gave no evidence of that. Instead of anything else, he leaned back in his chair, giving me freedom without giving off a hint of rejection.
He said, ‘You know, I think that our joint close encounter with death provides us a special viewpoint.’ Many people might not admit to having started nothing and survived to tell it.
That struck me as funny. “True. I believe you will take the prize in the near-death experience competition. The union I had with Lucy was indeed more of a… warping of reality.
Alessandro grinned. “Oh, I don’t know. Meshing together the substance of the universe feels pretty life-threatening in my opinion. It might be time for us to launch a support group. ‘Members of Survivors of Cosmic Shenanigans Anonymous.'”
The lighthearted nature of his words pierced through the weight that had fallen on us, leading to me recognizing a sincere smile. “I can see it now. “Hello, I’m Brianne, and I went two weeks without warping reality last time.”
Together we laughed until we both dissolved into it, the laughter filling the space and pushing away the remaining shadows of my nightmares. As we began to laugh less, it hit me that the sun had completely come up, filling the room with tropical golden light.
I said, ‘Thank you, Alessandro,’ as I made eye contact with him. “In honor of the hot chocolate, the company, and… for understanding.”
He smiled softly and sincerely, while nodding. “Anytime, Brianne. We’re all in this experience together. Keep that in mind. Whatever ‘this’ becomes.
Leaving bed that day, I felt more carefree than I had for weeks earlier. The future was still unpredictable, crammed with issues I found hard to grasp. Staring at Alessandro and appreciating the ongoing support visible in his gaze, I was reminded I had support as I dealt with it.
And at the moment, that sufficed to keep the nightmares at a distance.