Alexandra’s POV
I loosened my grip on the wheels as I tried to even out my breathing but her silence was not helping in the least. The seat belt was too tight on my chest and the Air conditioner was choking me. I was tempted to wind down and let the cool air touch my exposed skin.
I glanced at her repeatedly expecting a response but she just stared blankly into space. Her shoulders were slumped and her face void of any emotion.
I used my right hand to loosen my tie around my neck. The silence was eating me up and I needed answers quickly. It was either she had been lying to me or she had been lying to me.
There were no two ways about it…
It was either she was lying about loosing her memory of us or she was lying about loving me. I still did not know the one I dreaded the most.
From the time I met Lily until we got married, I would say that I didn’t care if she loved or hated me. I couldn’t care less about how she felt about me. But now …, I guess I would attest differently, things were… different, I cared about everything she thought about me. I cared about every glance I got, every smile she flashed at me, every tear she shed, every feeling, whether it be anger, disappointment and certainly I cared more than anything if she loved me.
Recently it had been becoming clearer to me that Lily didn’t love me anymore and that realization was my worst nightmare coming into reality. It’s like I watched her fall out of love for me daily and it was excruciating but I couldn’t do anything about it. The fact that Lily would not love me or worse love someone else other than me was so painful and disgusting for me to think about. It made my heart boil and my skin peel off.
What would instantly set me on fire and make me feel like I was inserted in a grinding machine was if I found out that she loved Martin instead of me. I would literally jump into a shark’s mouth to end my suffering.
The reason I believed that this was true, was because of the question I had just asked her. How was it so that she was able to recognize him when she did and until now she claims she doesn’t remember anything about how we got together.
Nothing was adding up.
I rubbed my chin and turned to her.”I guess you’re going to ask what my question was again?”. I asked with a dry chuckle. Her silence was about to end me and the only way I could keep sane was to fake a laughter. If I don’t laugh I would literally bawl my eyes out.
“What?”. She glanced at me with confused eyes.
“The last time i asked you a question, you stayed quiet for a long time, just the way you did few minutes ago.” I chuckled dryly. “So I assumed that since you reacted the same way, you would have the same response.” I pressed down on the brakes as we got to a red light. I relaxed one of my hands on the window and the other lying recklessly on my thighs.
“Well assumptions are mere assumptions and as such shouldn’t be treated like facts.” She rolled her eyes at me and adjusted herself on the leather seat. “I would have never said that.”
“So?”. I pressed for my answer.
She narrowed her eyes at me. “You know it’s just annoying that you think that my choice of words earlier on was just a ploy to avoid the question and I had the intention to do the same now.” She said with a wave of her hands.
“I never said that.” I sighed. I was getting tired of the whole back and forth with her.
“But you implied it!”. She said while jutting an accusing finger at me.
“Please quote me or better still explain how in any of my actions did I imply that statement.” I argued back as I waved my hands around.
How did we even get to this point…
“Well, you did not expressly say it but you bringing in my earlier reaction and statement to be in comparison with the present rings bells to any reasonable man. You’re assuming I did that the first time to stall and I was repeating the same thing.” She hissed.
“Oh you’re just tossing red hearing!.” I exclaimed. “Is that even what our conversation is about?. Why are u arguing about an irrelevant topic. Firstly when I made that statement, I was simply trying to lighten the atmosphere and bring you back by making that comparison.” I explained.
” I had no probable cause to believe that you were trying to stall, not even the first time. But now that you bring this to my attention, maybe that was what you were trying to do earlier and then you realized that it wouldn’t work so you just started this meaningless argument!.” I argued back. Lily loved arguing, it was like a drug to her. Most times she had a case and she often won, but today she didn’t. I had her by the balls.
Or so I thought…
“Meaningless argument?”. She said in a low tone as she stared at me with teary eyes. “So do my feelings and opinions mean nothing to you?”. She turned away from me and wiped her eyes with a tissue.
What in the name of manipulation and emotional blackmail was this!!.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes tiredly. “You know it’s not like that. That’s not what I mean.”
“Don’t lie to me!.” She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. “You don’t care about me and how your assumptions and opinions about me as well as your choice of words affect me.
“Please do not cry.” I reached out to comfort her but she shrugged my hands off her. “I do care about your feelings and it was never my intention to make you cry.” I sighed for the nth time today. “This was all as a result of the question I asked, please just answer the question so we can move on from this.”
She turned towards me again with rosy cheeks and a red nose. Her lips were cherry due to her insistent biting and her eyes were red and puffy. She watched me carefully with her beautiful eyes and her long lashes fluttered slowly. “So that’s all you care about?”. She said in a disappointed tone. “Other than your pregnant wife that is literally bawling her eyes out because of you.” She said before bursting into tears again.
“No baby. I’m sorry, please don’t cry princess.” I pleaded. “You know what…, Just don’t worry about. Forget I ever asked.”
“No, I’ll tell you so you can stop bugging me and stressing the baby and I.” She said through tears.
“No it’s okay. I’m sorry. Please just stop crying.” I wiped her eyes.
“Okay”. She sniffled and relaxed back on her seat.
Once she was comfortable, I relaxed and looked out of the window. The car was quiet except for the occasional sniffing from Lily.
I wonder why Lily was doing this to me. I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not but she was really messing with my mind. All these things she was doing was only strengthening the doubt I had about everything.
I glanced at her again and she was just sat quietly, I couldn’t tell what she was thinking but I knew i had to make peace with the fact that i wouldn’t be getting my answers from her directly. I had to forget about it so it doesn’t affect our relationship.
“I know you can’t stop thinking about it.” She broke the silence.
“Yeah but…”
She cut me off. “You really want to know how I remember Martin and not you and our marriage?. She asked quietly while straightening up.
“Y..”. I hesitated for a second before responding. “Yes, I do”.
“Alright”. She sighed. “The thing is…”. She hissed and her face scrunched up in pain.
I eyed her curiously. “The thing is what?.” I turned my full attention to her as I awaited her response.
“Agrhhh”. She screamed in agony and roughly pulled off her seat belt .
“What is wrong?.” I asked in panic as I held her hands.
“My stomach…, the baby…, hospital please…”. She breathed out in between screams.
“I don’t understand. What’s going on?.” I ran my hands over her stomach trying to sooth whatever pain she was in.
“Take me to the hospital now!!.” She said through gritted teeth while sending me a death glare.
“Yes… yes.” I nodded frantically as I quickly put on my seat belt. On cue we were on a green light after what seemed like hours but in fact just few minutes.
I put on the ignition and speed off. I drove like a mad man and I’m pretty sure the cops would be tailing me any second now but i didn’t care, my pregnant wife was in pains.
“Please hurry, I don’t want to loose my baby.” She screamed as she held her stomach in one hand and squeezed my thighs with the other.
I was in agony from how tightly she grabbed me but i didn’t have it in me to take her hands off. She was clearly in more pain.
Tears were pooling from her eyes and it made me sick with worry that I couldn’t do anything to help her or our baby. All I could do was to drive her quickly to the hospital.
“Don’t say that. I won’t let anything happen to our baby.” I assured her or maybe I was trying to assure myself. So many scenarios of possible bad things that could happen to our child ran through my mind.
What if we lose the baby now?, and then it’s all my fault for putting her through so much stress with my ridiculous questions. I would never forgive myself.
“I’m so sorry baby.” I said quietly with guilt eating me out.
I took a glance at her to find her still in agony. She tossed and turned on the seat while holding her stomach tightly. Watching her like this broke me into pieces.
I tried to keep my head straight and think of ways to get her out of this situation, so I got my phone out of pocket and informed the hospital that we were on our way. I also requested for a wheel chair to be made available by the door because I figured that she wouldn’t be able to walk.
“Everything will be alright.” I said in a soothing tone as I kissed her knuckles. I prayed on whatever god that was watching that nothing happened to my wife and our baby.