CHAPTER 94: LILY IS BACK
LILY’S POV:
I couldn’t hold the tears as it poured, waiting for the impact from him as his nails dug through the thin lining of my pajamas into my flesh.
I felt his hand leave my shoulders and I slowly opened my eyes. Nikolai moved back, guilt written all over his face.
His face was red from his shouting and the drink.
“I-I’m sorry Lily, I di-didn’t mean to–“, He struggled to say, looking down at his hands.
“Nikolai…”, I slipped down the wall to the ground. I was shaking as I raised my head to look at him. Nikolai was at a far corner, seated on the ground and muttering something to himself.
“Stupid! STUPID!”, He said as he hit his head repeatedly. I didn’t know what to do or how to react to him.
I don’t hate him, I would never!
He was still muttering something to himself as I stood up to approach him.
“NO! Stay back! I-I– please do-don’t come close”, He shifted back in fear, my heart broke for him.
“It’s okay”, I said.
“I cou… could have hurt y-you”, he stated in guilt.
“But you didn’t”, I replied softly.
“Lily, I…”.
“I’m fine”, I responded, reaching out to him and grabbing his hands. I smiled at him, staring deeply into his dark eyes.
“I’m so sorry Lily”, He immediately enveloped me in a bone crushing hug, burying his face in my neck and inhaling my scent.
I have never seen Nikolai cry before.
I held Nikolai close as he broke down in my arms.
To everyone else, he’s a fearless monster, scary, unstoppable and strong. But in that moment, I saw the real him, a person with feelings, just like everyone else.
His body shook with sobs and tears streamed down his face, wetting my pajamas. I felt his warm breath on my skin. The warrior was gone, replaced by a vulnerable man who was feeling guilty.
“It’s okay… it’s alright”, I stroked his hair, whispering softly and saw that his strength wasn’t about being invincible, but about being human.
***
We both laid on the bed, his head on my stomach and my fingers caressing his hair. It was silent after he had cried for a while and repeatedly apologized.
He held tightly to my waist as we both were silent.
“I want to see my dad”, I was the first to say something. The little movement he made on my waist stopped but he didn’t respond or turn to me.
“Nikolai–“.
“Okay”, He replied, cutting me off.
I nodded giving a faint smile even though he couldn’t see it.
“We leave by noon”, He said, finally looking at me. He was more sober and I smiled.
***
It was noon and we were headed to the airport. Galina was sad to see me return and so was Mrs Vladimir who hugged me tightly, making me promise to visit again. Anastasia had a glint of happiness in her eyes but I wasn’t worried about that now.
I was nervous to see my dad and know how he was doing.
‘Is he getting better? Is he conscious now? How will he react when he sees me?’, I asked myself numerous questions.
Nikolai held my hand throughout the car ride as Lev drove us both. My eyes were more interested in the view outside while my head was occupied with thoughts.
‘If Roman threatened to kill his father and have tried to kill his only brother, then a stranger like me won’t be hard for him’.
My stomach curl just imagining it.
I felt Nikolai squeeze my hand and I turned to him.
“We are here”, He said softly and I realized the car has stopped moving.
Looking at Nikolai, I noticed how dark his under eyes are and he look stressed even. I was worried his insomnia was back.
“Ohh”, I could only reply.
We got down from the car and I got to know we would be riding in their private jet.
“Thanks Lev. You may leave”, Nikolai said and Lev nodded, driving off.
“He isn’t coming with us?”, I asked.
“No. He has work to do over here”, He replied.
I nodded, remembering we left the house without any of our luggage or will we be back here?
“What of our luggages?”, I asked as we walked down to board the jet.
“It will arrive tomorrow. All of it”, He said.
***
We arrived and were at the hospital. I was even more nervous to step my foot in.
“I’m here”, Nikolai whispered to me, holding my waist and I suddenly got the courage as we walked in. I went over to the counter to ask the receptionist for his room number.
“Oh, you’re back so soon Mr Vladi–“, The nurse said but Nikolai cut her off.
“The room of Detective Joe Williams”, He said and I furrowed my brows.
Did my ear deceive me? Nikolai was here? When and why?
“So-sorry sir… H-he is in room 703”, the nurse replied in fear after Nikolai gave her his most intimidating stare.
“Thank you”, I said and we left to the elevator.
“You were here?”, I asked as I needed to know.
“Yes”, He gave a short reply.
“Why?”, I asked again as we entered the elevator.
“I just… after the incident and finding out Roman was behind it, I wanted to be careful”.
“What does that mean?”, I asked.
“I had to put up men to look after your father. I was scared Roman would come to finish what he started and that… that you might hate me”, He replied, face forward and not sparing me a glance.
My heart ached that I caused him to think so.
Yes, I would be heartbroken and devastated if my dad died. I would probably shot the world out and hate everything but Nikolai would be my save haven.
“I can not and will not hate you, stop saying that”, I said, looking away.
He didn’t say anything in response till the elevator door came open. We stepped out and walked in search of the room.
My steps slowed down when I saw some officers standing by a door and I immediately knew that was were my father is.
“Let’s go”, Nikolai said, squeezing my hand and reassuring me with his smile.
We got to the door and the officers stopped us from entering.
“Who are you and what do you want?”, One of the officer asked.
“I-I want to–“, I tried to explain but they wouldn’t let me.
“You have no business here so leave”, The second officer said.
I was about telling them I am the detective’s daughter when the door opened and someone I recognized too well walked out.
“Lily?”, He called out, shock written all over his face.
“Hi Gary”, I said, giving a faint smile.
Gary is my father’s partner at work and I have seen him occasionally when I visited dad at the station, he also visits us at home. He is a nice man.
“Wh-where– wha-what… how…”, He couldn’t make a sentence.
“How is my dad? Is he awake?”, I asked.
“Uh yeah… Yes he woke up but the uhm the doctor attended to him so he’s sleeping now. What happened to you Lily?! The detective has been worried sick!”, Gary said and I nodded. His eyes wandered to Nikolai and he frowned.
“Why is he here? With you even?!”, Gary said, hands on the gun on his waist and ready to bring it out.
“No! He’s with me”, I quickly stopped him.
Nikolai didn’t even flinch, he had both hands in his pocket and just looked at the human who threatened him.
“But he’s a bad person and your dad would be furious”, He whispered to me and I chuckled.
“I know. Can I see my dad, then we can discuss later?”, I said and he nodded.
“Let them in, she is the detective’s daughter”, Gary told the other officers and they were also shocked.
“We apologize for the manner we spoke to you”, The second officer said.
“You were only doing your job so it’s okay”, I said and they nodded.
“Go in”, Nikolai said and I furrowed my brows.
“You are not going in with me?”.
“I’ll be outside waiting for you”, He responded and I nodded. Gary held the door for me as I walked in.
“Is something going on between you two? It would be wasteful if something actually was”, I overheard Gary ask Nikolai before shutting the door.
And there I saw my dad, lying down on that hospital bed, eyes closed and tubes everywhere. That familiar hot tears burned at the back of my eyes before rolling down my cheeks.
As I stood by Dad’s hospital bed, my heart hurt. The strong, lively man I knew was now weak and tired. His arms, once so strong, lay still. His face, once full of laughter, was now thin and worn. His dark hair had turned white in places, and his beard was messy and unshaven. His eyes looking dull and exhausted.
I struggled to believe this frail person was my vibrant father.
“I’m so sorry papa, it’s all my fault”.
Tears filled my eyes as I held his fragile hand, feeling the sadness of seeing my hero weakened.