She stepped toward me and I took her in my arms and we started swaying to the slow ballad that had gained popularity ten years ago when we were seniors in high school. I felt her hand shift up my arm. Then she stepped closer to me as we continued to slowly pivot around among our classmates on the crowded darkened dance floor.
I could smell her shampoo and her soap and her perfume. It overloaded my olfactory sense. All those intoxicating desirable scents pushing me closer and closer to a point of no return.
I closed my eyes and relished the fantasy in my head as we continued our dance. I was lost within my singular world of fulfillment. These few minutes made it bearable. Made me believe–
Suddenly, I realized that the music had stopped and the lights were brightly primed for a fast dance and still I had taken dance steps with Staci while lost in reverie. In full view of everyone, including David. Out of place, once again, in public.
I heard a large peal of laughter to the side. Fred Carter was down on one knee pantomiming a proposal, his arm outstretched holding an imaginary ring as the people around him guffawed. I broke quickly from Staci and rushed toward him.
He got up quickly from the defenseless position and looked concerned as I walked to him. The laughter quieted as I got closer. The DJ must have wanted to see what was going to happen because no song took up after the slow song.
Fred Carter, now in business with his father owning the Ford dealership in town, my classmate, a guy I played with on the high school football team now paled as he anticipated me beating the shit out of him in front of his wife and our friends and classmates. He actually flinched as I stopped short of him.
I looked at the pudgy balding man and compared him to ten years ago. The future did not bode well for Fred Carter. I spoke loud enough for everyone to hear.
“During our sophomore year, Fred, do you remember the night you and your mother and your older sister came by my house?”
Fred’s eyes widened and I could tell that he wanted to beg me to keep quiet.
“Your mother was bawling her eyes out, and you and your sister were doing so as well. You remember what she told my father, Fred? You remember how she told him about your father’s drinking problem? You remember how she told my father how he pissed away every penny your family had getting drunk? You remember how she begged my father to help y’all?”
“Do you remember what my father did? Do you remember how he went to your house and collected your drunk father and drove him to a rehab facility 150 miles away that night? Do you remember how my mother insisted that your family stay with us that week? Do you remember crying yourself to sleep in my room that night, Fred?”
“Do you remember my father establishing a line of credit for your mother so your family could survive while your father was drying out? Do you remember my parents coming over to your house with groceries so you would have something to eat? That is after he got the utilities turned back on for y’all.”
” Do you remember how my father restructured your father’s business loan so he wouldn’t go into default and have my father repossess the business? Do you remember how my father made sure your father attended AA once he was released from the program?”
“Do you remember how you and your father came back one night and swore that y’all would do anything for us in everlasting gratitude? Do you remember the day, your gutless father sent you over to withdraw your accounts over to the Buckmans? Do you remember how embarrassed you were at the treachery? Do you remember how my father treated you with dignity and respect?”
“Well, remember that the next time you decide to insult me, you son of a bitch!” I said bitterly.
I looked over the crowd.
“I see at least eight more here tonight that I could relate a similar story. But, I’ll let y’all off the hook because frankly there’s not a damn one of you worth the trouble.” I dared them, with eyes blazing.
No one would catch my gaze. I turned and started walking toward the exit. At least no one would ever forget our 10th reunion.
As I walked quickly through the parking lot, I heard the tempo of high heels sounding three times to each of my stride in an effort to catch up. I didn’t need to be told who was chasing me.
I swerved into a circle recognizing the futility of trying to escape. I ran my hands through my hair. And kept them on my head as she approached. All I could do was watch her come closer.
I could only stare at her, helpless, miserable in my pain.
“What?” she asked me to explain my silence.
“I was just wondering if you have any idea of how beautiful you are,” I said sadly, “and I was just wondering how in the hell I’m ever going to get over you.”
“… You don’t have to,” she quietly responded.
“Yeah, I really do,” I said. “And it’s going to take some time, Staci, but I’ll be fine in the end.”
“Please don’t do this!” she begged, “I’ve lived that scene over and over every day as well, Troy. I don’t know why I did what I did. I panicked and I ran away. For God’s sakes, Troy, I was only twenty-one and I felt trapped!” She gripped my arms to prevent me from walking away.
“When I went out with you on that first date you knew my history with David,” she said. “You knew it and you still came after me. How does that make you any different than David?”
“I didn’t ever lie to you. I always told you I cared for him. Every God damned time that you asked me why I was with him when he treated me like he did. Don’t you remember that Troy? I told you that I was with him because I loved him. I told you that every God damned time.”
“But you kept coming back to me anyway. And every time you looked at me… The way your eyes lit up when I was around, Troy… Do you have any idea how that made me feel?
“And you treated me like I was a queen and I realized that I was falling in love with you. I hated the way David treated me, but I was conflicted. You would spend every second with me that you could. You’d come over and help me do my homework, or wash my car, or just hang around.”
You’d go spend time with my dad to get on his good side. I wish I had a dollar for every chess game I watched you lose to him, or listen to him talk about his business.
“David kept cheating on me and the next thing I knew, I felt I was cheating on him with you. You kept asking me out and I began to accept that we were a couple and David was history. But, it still pissed me off seeing him date other girls.
One of the reasons, David and I had trouble was he kept wanting my cherry. When I kept resisting he threw me away for girls that would drop their panties. I was livid about that!
You never gave me an ultimatum and I was able to relax knowing I could go at my pace and I fell in love with you. Sure we didn’t have sex, we just kissed a lot. But if you had ever pushed me, just a little bit, we would have and you knew it. But you also knew that I wanted it to mean something when I wore white at my wedding.”
“But always in the back of my mind I couldn’t understand why David let me go. Why didn’t he fight for me? How could he let me go to you?”
“Then you and I were in college and we had our lives all mapped out. How we were going to get married and have kids. But while you continued to focus, I was still caught by my questions. And unknown to you, David came around to me and asked me to take him back. And I was trapped between the two of you.”
“On one hand, I had Mr. Serious; hardworking, dependable, and devoted to me. On the other I had Mr. Fun; dangerous, carefree, and unreliable. I know it sounds like a cliche, but the two of you made me feel complete.”
“When we had that train wreck of an evening, I panicked and I ran and I hurt you like I shouldn’t have. I was so embarrassed by what I did that I kept running. I ran to Europe, I ran to California after I got married because my father banished me. It made no difference, Troy. Wherever I ran, you were still there in my mind.”
“So I decided to come home and face you. I owe you that. My life isn’t going the way I wanted. I hate my life with David. I hate that he never stopped cheating on me, Troy. But it’s not like high school when he cheated on me, like he always did, I had you to make me feel better back then. Now he cheats on me and I’m all alone, Troy.”
“The reality is that I belong with you. I made a bad mistake and I’m going to take care of that, Troy.”
“Yeah, but there’s one big fucking difference, Staci, between our realities. The next day after you ruined me, you were still with David… and the next day… and the next. You didn’t come back to me. I’m still locked into a hell not of my choosing. I wake up every day knowing the woman I love is with another man. Don’t you see Staci? You’ve made your choice… and the circumstances afterwards will never allow us to be together, so please let me go.”
The heartbreaking pitiful begging I was reduced to caused her eyes to well up in unshed tears. I was breaking her hold she had on my arms. “I’m just going to walk away, Staci. Tonight was a mistake, just another big mistake”
Where she got the strength, I have no idea. But, she grabbed my wrist and forced the palm of my hand against her tit. She looked up at me and said, “Now try to walk away!”
She continued to hold my hand against her and God help me I started softly squeezing her and then I moved against her and began kissing her. She moved into my arms in acceptance.
At once I was holding her familiar body, yet so different after six years of change. I tried to trace out her new form garbed in her dress. She moved her leg against mine to prolong contact. I immediately harden to the point of discomfort in my trousers.
“Please, Staci, stop this now!” I gasped between kisses.
She continued to throw herself at me and I continued to do battle with myself. Most telling was that I didn’t fight her off. I wasn’t rejecting her. I was meeting every moment of her passion with one of my own.
She perched one leg off the ground and rubbed against me. I countered by grabbing her tight ass with both hands and lifting her off the ground. She responded by straddling me as I held her aloft. Slowly, she grounded her pelvis dryhumping into me.