“Troy, I just want to tell you I made a mistake, I made a huge mistake and I hurt you. That was never my intention!” She looked at me with pleading eyes.
“For Christ Sakes, Troy, you surprised me and I panicked. You have no idea the pressure that a proposal puts on a girl. I was on display before the world and I was expected to give you an answer in front of the whole town?”
I interrupted, “No Staci, you don’t get off that easy! We had all those discussions! You even showed me what ring you wanted! So don’t stand there and tell me how I surprised and embarrassed you! I wasn’t the one who went running out the door with David Porter chasing after me!” I roared in response.
“Yes, Troy, I ran and David ran after me and we were cowards and ran off together to Europe. But, I was coming back to my senses when I finally realized how I fucked up. I went to my dad and I told him that I was coming back to you because I loved you.”
“He went ballistic and told me that I had already made him a laughingstock and that I would not be allowed to repeat that error by getting back with you. He told me how he had publicly ended all personal and business relationships with your family and he wouldn’t allow me to make him look like a fool again. Next thing I know I’m married to David and banished across the country until my dad saw fit for us to return.”
“My marriage has been a mistake, Troy. David, never loved me, he just loved the idea of being Charles Buckman’s son-in-law. He just thought it was some colossal joke of sneaking behind your back and making a play for me. Then he felt pressured to help me after that night. But, he never loved me, Troy.”
“Otherwise, he wouldn’t be chasing after other women, night after night. That is, if he can tear himself away from my father. David has filled some huge psychological role in Dad’s life for having a son. And my Dad eats it up and nothing is too good for his son, David,” she fumed sarcastically.
Staci closed her eyes and said, “If there was some way I could take that pain away from you, I would. My actions cost me the best friend I ever had and I’ll never get him back. It cost me the man I loved more than anything in the world.”
Even though I had steeled myself to remain cold and aloof, I reacted internally. I’d known this woman most of my life. Of course, she knew what buttons to push. So to defend myself I had to respond hard and push her back out of my life.
“Yeah, Staci, you can take away the pain. Just tell me how I get over losing you? Tell me, how I get over losing both my parents in the same month? Tell me, how I survive day by day despite your father and your husband’s attempts to ruin me? Tell me, how do I get over being a social pariah, being banished from the Country Club and every community organization? Tell me, how I can ever get a good night sleep without waking up from the nightmares you’ve caused me?”
The bitter rapid fire interrogatories rocked Staci back and I saw tears well in her eyes. I knew I had to make my escape or be forever damned in my desire for her.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go on my run and forget about you all over again.”
Barely holding it together, she nodded and I turned away from her and began to prepare taking my first stride.
I almost tripped as she sobbed, “Okay, Troy, I made the effort and now I’ll live with the consequences. One last thing, I wish you would reconsider your decision of not going to the reunion tonight. You still have a lot of friends among our classmates that would love to see you. And for those that don’t, your presence would prove you aren’t a coward.”
I pretended not to hear her last observation as I began my run. The last untainted thing in my life, the Zen of running was missing now as I barely stumbled a mile before I stopped at a city park bench and out of view from prying eyes began crying.
I began to realize that if I lived to be a hundred that Staci would still haunt me. I remained there for the rest of the afternoon trying to decide what to do.
************************
I looked at the imposing building of the country club. Nothing was more a symbol of exclusivity in the entire town. Only the rich and powerful were welcomed; none others need apply. But, for certain special occasions, such as a high school reunion; the minorities, the downtrodden, the never haves, were afforded a brief rare glimpse into a lifestyle they would never know.
I walked past some classmates gawking at the splendor of the surroundings and nodded hello to them. Even though I had been banished from the view six years ago, it no longer held my interest. Down the immaculate hallway with its plush carpet, decorative vases, landscape paintings… all the trappings of grandeur leading to the banquet room.
There at the doorway was the obligatory table festooned with the Camden High Tigers logo. It was manned by my classmate, Susan Moix, who I had last seen at my office trying to badger me to work on the reunion. Her eyes widened at my approach.
“Troy Williams,” I announced to her as though I had to remind her who I was. “I didn’t register so I guess I’ll have to pay the late fee, won’t I Susan.”
She flustered as she took my money and she said, “It will take just a minute, Troy.”
She began typing quickly on a laptop. I stood aside as Susan tended to other classmates who preregistered. They were given their name badges, complete with their senior picture and past accomplishments. Then they were given gift bags and were allowed to enter the banquet hall.
Some of my classmates said hello to me, some ignored me, but it continued to be an uncomfortable atmosphere in the hallway. The laptop printer finally spat out my makeshift generic badge and Susan worked into a flimsy plastic holder, much different than the prepared laminated badges waiting on the table to be claimed.
I managed to pin the badge to my shirt and took the proffered gift bag from Susan and I idly peered into it looking at the various cheap knickknacks inside. Not seeing anything I couldn’t live without I deposited my bag atop a cluster of bags similarly abandoned at a trash can as I entered the banquet room.
Maybe it was due to my heightened paranoia, but I sensed a drop in the volume of conversation as I entered the room. Not wishing to confirm my fear, I made a beeline to the bar. I hastily paid ten dollars for an overpriced gin and tonic cocktail.
After sampling the drink, I was almost tempted to return the drink due to the cheap gin used. Instead, I walked away holding my drink as a shield not to engage with anyone.
It only served to ward off most of my fellow classmates. Some persisted on conversing with me and despite the awkward initial comments, I began to enjoy talking to a crowd of old friends when David and Staci entered the room.
David was attired in a business suit to differentiate himself from the rest of us. The event for the night was specifically casual dress. He sought to show his superiority from the onset as he looked down his nose to everyone. His aloof manner was befitting of a protegee of Charles Buckman.
Staci on the other hand wore a simple black dress and was immediately flooded by female classmates that insisted she join them on the dance floor to participate in the Electric Slide.
I watched as David tried to object and she ignored him to take center stage on the floor. The simple joy of doing the dance steps enticed a number of other classmates out on the floor to join her in enjoying the music.
Once the song was over, she returned to David and I saw him make a comment that she apparently didn’t like. Another song started up and Staci tried to drag David onto the dance floor. He resisted until she finally gave up. She remained by his side just watching the dancing until once again her girlfriends dragged her to the floor.
For the remainder of the night there was the strange dichotomy of a cowered passive Staci by David’s side and an animated relaxed Staci dancing on the dance floor.
Never with a guy however. Whenever anyone approached Staci, they would ask David for permission to dance with his wife. He would always strenuously object until the guy left. Staci was continuing to be embarrassed by his behavior as the dance went on.
The argument was getting more pronounced and strident with each rejection from David. Luckily for Staci, her girlfriends would continue to pop over to allow her to unwind on the floor.
Her gyrations on the floor were much appreciated by every man in the room and I suspect there were a number of females that would have been willing to come out of the closet if only Staci beckoned at them.
Still, loyally, she returned to David after every dance with his growing displeasure evident on his face. She would beg him to dance with her, but apparently titans of industry aren’t allowed to have fun. Their agitations became more pronounced and there were fewer requests from people wanting to dance with Staci for fear of exacerbating the argument.
That was when Staci looked across the floor and caught my eye. Without seeking permission, she left David and walked across the floor to me. Every pair of eyes were on us as she reached her hand out and said, “Dance with me.”
David’s countenance could have caused serious injury from his glare. Hell, I had nothing to lose. I found myself trailing behind Staci as she continued to hold my hand leading me to the floor.
“I thought you said you weren’t coming to the reunion?”
I replied, “I wasn’t, until I was told how big a pussy I would be if I didn’t show up.”
Staci giggled at my response as the intro to a slow dance number started. Her eyes widened as she feared I would reject the idea of body contact with her. Instead I shrugged and opened my arms into a close representation of a dancing pose.