“No, I don’t” My voice was cold.
I knew he wasn’t lying. Of course I believed him but I was angry. I was so angry that I was treated that way by his family. And I didn’t want to seem like the weak idiot I was.
“Kieran.” His voice was barely a whisper.
“Tell me something first. Did my mother and Sabrina have a hand in you running away? Did they do something behind my back?” he asked and I raised a brow.
“Are you even asking me that right now?” I shot back.
Thanks to the memory of that fateful day rushing to my mind, it was easy to channel all of the anger straight to him.
“You were there every single time it happened. Both your mother and Sabrina hurled insults at me, just because I was- hmm, how did she put it ‘trash’ and a ‘rogue’, and you just stood there without saying a word” I said accusingly. I was seething with rage.
I watched Xander’s lips part slightly, but before he could get any more words out, I interrupted him.
“Not one word.” I cut him off. “When I wanted you to speak, to support me, to stand up for me, what did you do? Nothing. You did nothing to support me. You just watched me, you didn’t even try to stop me from leaving.”
My voice cracked at the last sentence. Up until this moment, I didn’t realize just how hurt I was that day. With the stress of finding a job and a place to stay, I had totally forced myself to suppress it all. but not anymore.
“Now that’s not fair, Kieran. I didn’t know you were leaving and you know it. Also, I did try to support you with-” he started to say but I cut him off.
“Support me? How? Yes, yes, you shut them down but that’s all you did!” I yelled.
“Well, what would you have had me do?! Huh? You did not want me to tell anyone that you are my mate and I could not defend you properly because I had to keep that secret” Xander lashed out and I froze.
He had a point. But still…
“Maybe… but still, it’s not an excuse. I just, I hate the way I was treated by them and I don’t know why you’re here for me” I said, my voice lowered to more of a whisper this time.
“You’re right, it’s not an excuse” Xander shook his head slowly.
“I should have tried harder, I should have done something about it. No one deserves to be treated the way they treated you. I don’t have anything else to say except I’m sorry.” he said, pausing to step closer to me.
He took my hands in his and I felt tingles rush through my body. I tried not to focus on it but it was so hard. His warm hands felt so familiar yet distant. I had missed him so much.
His voice reeled me back to reality.
“I know I messed up, but believe me when I say I didn’t stop looking for you, even for the tiniest second. I spent my nights and days dreaming of how and when I could find you. That has been the only thing on my mind. You have to believe me, Kieran.” he said and I sighed.
“Now that I’ve found you, I don’t want to let you go.” he continued, his voice softening.
“I want you to come back with me. To me. Please come back?” he said and that was where I drew the line.
I took a solid step back, removing my hands from his. Hurt flickered across his face again but this time, I didn’t care.
I was sick of putting others first.
“No.” My voice was firm. “I’m not coming with you.”
“What? Why not?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“I’m comfortable here, Xander and I’m not willing to forsake that” I explained.
“Kieran, you’re my mate, and what’s the use of a wolf without its mate.” He shook his head.
“I need you, Kieran. I do. I need you every single second of every passing day. My life has been hell without you. What’s the use of a King without his Queen, an Alpha without his Luna?” he said and I shook my head.
His queen? His Luna? Everything sounded like wishful thinking.
“What if I don’t want to be your Luna?” I blurted out. I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth.
“What if I’m not fit to be by your side? Isn’t that what your mum and Sabrina think? Nobody will ever accept me” I said.
It was the truth. It was a hard pill to swallow to think of a rogue as Luna. Talk less of someone as weak as me. We saw how Lucas and his people took that.
The mere thought of those words were more than enough to tear my heart into shreds. Because more than anything, I wanted to be by his side.
Xander was obviously dumbfounded.
“What if I don’t want to be your mate?” I continued. All my life, I wanted nothing but my mate. I thought bumping into him would turn my life around for the better. Little did I know I was wrong.
Maybe ending it all will save us both the stress.
“I’ve endured so much pain and heartache, I don’t think I can take it anymore.” I ended.
I was always putting others before me and never taking care of myself. But now, everything is going to change.
I was going to be doing things for myself from now on. I was going to be putting myself first, doing things that were going to benefit just me. If all of that was right, then why did this searing pain in my chest refuse to leave?
It didn’t take too long for my eyes to water. My vision blurred, but I’d be damned if I let them fall. Anything could happen, but not that.
I didn’t want to cry.
“Kieran…” Xander trailed off. I could hear his voice tremble slightly.
“No,” I stopped him from coming any closer.
“What’s the use anyway? Isn’t it better this way? Your mum doesn’t approve, and Sabrina…”
“She already knows.” He finished up for me.
“I told Sabrina you’re my mate. I didn’t mean to, she just didn’t want to listen and that was the only way to get her to keep quiet.” he said and my eyes widened in surprise.
“I’m sorry.” He let out again.
“You can get mad at me for telling her, but nothing could make me leave you here, not after finding you again.” he said and it was my turn to be dumbfounded.
“I’ve waited for you all my life Kieran, I’m not going to let go or lose you because of them. They will bend to our will. And I don’t care what they think because you are mine and that’s just the way it has to be. They will respect you and whoever dares to disrespect you will face my wrath” he said and I felt my chest flare up in pride.
It sounded like a sweet dream but I didn’t want to get my hopes too high.
“The annual ball is coming up in four days” He said before I could speak.
“And I want you to be my date. I want you to be there when I announce you as the Luna and future queen of Deathshade pack” he said and I froze..
“What?!” My breath hitched in my throat.
“Do you really mean that?” I asked, like a curious child.
“Yes Kieran.” He affirmed.
“Everyone’s going to know their new Luna soon.” he said and I felt shivers run down my spine again. Only for a different reason this time.
“They’ll never accept me,” I whispered sadly. I realized I probably looked pathetic but I really didn’t care.
“They will. They have no choice” he said and I looked into his eyes. There was no sign of a lie there of even doubt. He truly believed that things would be fine.
I sighed again.
“I’ll- um, I’ll think about it.” I let out after a short while.
“But you have to go now.” I said. I needed my space and I needed to think.
“Kieran…” He started to talk but all it took to get him to keep shut was a glare from me.
“Fine. Fine.” he said, raising his hands in defeat.
He moved closer to me but this time, I didn’t move back.
He slowly wrapped me in a hug and almost immediately, I melted. His scent, his warmth. I had missed every single thing. I wanted to merge with him, I wanted to sink into his skin. I hugged him back and when we finally had enough strength to pull away, he gently kissed my forehead, leaving a lingering touch there.
“I’ll be back in two days” he said as he pulled away. I nodded in response. I wanted him to be back.
He started to walk backwards, like he was leaving and I felt something hurt in my chest.
No, don’t go. I wanted to say but I kept quiet.
“Xander?” I called out and he halted in his steps, raising a brow at me.
“Don’t you dare tell anyone I’m here.” I warned.
With a grin Xander had no idea how much I had missed, he nodded. “Never, my queen.”
My cheeks warmed up as a ghost of a smile flickered across my lips.